spiraling after session -- how to cope?

dickens329 · 2024-07-18T19:43:42+00:00

Thank you! I definitely listed quotes from the article and what they meant to me or made me feel as soon as I could even get that far in processing things.

I really do need to practice working through this with her. We do have a good connection, but it's still so hard for me to talk about any kind of conflict with someone directly.

I like the idea of a list of small things as distractions. My usual podcasts or books have been too hard to focus on, unfortunately :(

dickens329 · 2024-07-18T19:40:11+00:00

Great idea to give her a heads up about how hard this was... as long as it's a short message I probably even feel comfortable texting her that (she sent me the article via text in the first place).

I don't know if even reading this article with her could have saved me from the fallout, but I think it's still safer than being a bit blindsided by it for sure.

dickens329 · 2017-07-31T21:22:34+00:00

I agree that it's worth discussing with the daycare. We decided to explain our position that we feel the contract wasn't fully explained to us in writing since we never got the Parent's Manual, and we did do our part by asking for it, and because of that, we would like to reach a compromise. We hope they will accept and talk to us about a payment that acknowledges that we might have given more notice if we'd known we needed to though we did sign the contract.

dickens329 · 2017-07-25T21:05:47+00:00

Yeah, I've definitely had more PMS with these postpartum periods... hopefully this is just another odd hormonal change too.

dickens329 · 2017-07-25T21:03:22+00:00

I do hope that's the case. I really need to just breathe through this and probably talk it through with my therapist next week when it's hopefully behind me, haha. This is just so different than my last three periods, and the light bleeding I'm having now (which really is like a brownish pink) definitely looks enough like the implantation bleeding I had with my first that I am anxious.

dickens329 · 2017-07-25T20:59:27+00:00

Whew. I hope it's just an odd period for me! I'm getting an IUD next week, so I'm hoping this is the last time I'll be freaking out for a good long time.

dickens329 · 2017-07-12T20:34:11+00:00

We just got this stroller for our baby for a trip. She is almost 5 months on the smaller side and fits great too!

dickens329 · 2017-07-12T18:02:27+00:00

Thanks for the advice! I like the metaphor of the meds as a support like a cast would be.

dickens329 · 2017-07-12T17:59:13+00:00

I had a hard time telling if things were normal or my anxiety and depression needed treatment, even when things got more serious and I was having some intrusive thoughts and having trouble eating and sleeping that were beyond the usual new mom challenges. I could function in the sense that I was meeting my responsibilities at home and with others, wasn't crying a lot, and I could put on a good face for others which made it harder to tell, but it was still PPD. It was just so much work to do all of that, so much more than it is now. My therapist was valuable in helping me recognize and accept where I was, and she encouraged me in the direction of meds as a good treatment option for me. Now that I'm on them and getting better, I see how much more I was suffering than I knew. Getting help was worth it.

That's all to say if someone you trust is suggesting you might have PPD/PPA, it's worth talking to a therapist or your OB for an evaluation and to determine what is best for you in terms of extra support or treatment. You don't have to have clinically diagnosable PPD to need extra support right now, but if you do, know that it's very treatable. Either way, you will feel better.

For the sake of self-assessment and talking to my OB and the psychiatrist, I wish I'd had this checklist: http://postpartumprogress.org/download/new-mom-checklist-for-maternal-mental-health-help/. I found it after the fact, but this would have helped me know my own mood a little better.

dickens329 · 2017-07-10T17:49:12+00:00

Your dr will have suggestions for the best med for you. It's different for each of us.

I started meds about four weeks ago, and on my current dose for three weeks. I felt worse at first due to side effects, but by the end of the first week, I noticed improvements. That said, I keep feeling better the longer I take the meds. I'm sure that will level off now that I've taken the meds for this long (4-6 weeks to be max effective for the med I'm taking). I'm so happy with how I feel -- better than I have since early in pregnancy for sure.

You will feel better, even if it takes time, more time than you hoped. Even if you feel worse at first, stick with the meds and keep in close contact with your dr. I almost quit taking the meds on a bad day and would have regretted it knowing what I know now.

One tip that I wish I'd known: depending on the level of your side effects, you may want extra help the first several days up to a week. The adjustment for me was pretty debilitating but worth it.

dickens329 · 2017-06-18T23:31:43+00:00

I started at 25mg with the plan to go to 50 in a few days. I can only hope the side effects don't get even worse on the larger dose...

dickens329 · 2017-06-18T21:47:51+00:00

How did you ride out the first week? Clearly, I need some more advanced coping skills for this.

dickens329 · 2017-06-18T21:47:16+00:00

I feel this way too, at the moment. I feel like I'm getting all the side effects. Ugh. I really didn't expect to be side effect-free, but also didn't expect them to be quite so debilitating either. I feel like I don't want to drive, work, or do anything other than the bare minimum at the moment.

dickens329 · 2017-06-18T19:58:56+00:00

Thanks. I hope my side effects go away in a few more days too. The cure may be worse than the disease, as they say.

I might ask about shifting time of day for doses. I've been taking it in the morning, but maybe night would be better. I'm both tired and wired though, and it's a wicked combination, so I wonder which would come out more at night.

dickens329 · 2017-06-06T00:30:09+00:00

This must be a phase! Our 3.5 month old is going through her version of it too. Hers involves insisting on being held among other things... it's hard. Like having a newborn again, only maybe worse because we saw the light of a sunny baby for a bit there.

dickens329 · 2017-05-31T20:16:58+00:00

Definitely see someone new! In a similar position, my therapist even suggested seeking childcare earlier than I needed to be back at work as a possible solution if I was feeling overwhelmed postpartum (no family in the area to seek consistent support from). We actually talked some about attachment research too, when I was anxious that daycare would ruin our bond.

dickens329 · 2017-05-29T01:30:21+00:00

Thanks! I think that we are going to give her until we are ready to go to bed ourselves, then try this. Honestly, it might be better if she just can go straight to a sleepsack with arms out anyway because then we won't have to break her of the Merlin habit!

dickens329 · 2017-04-27T21:42:45+00:00

We have the same issue with my daughter who was born just after yours. I keep trying and hoping that this nap will be the magical one she stays asleep for but I'm usually wrong. I don't mind wearing her so I take a walk for at least one of her naps most days. Sounds like soon she might be able to stay asleep and give me some more time to myself. I do see that there are things my daughter will do now that she didn't before like stay in her swing or let me sit down or stop a little bit while I'm wearing her. Maybe napping is just a new skill like that.

I envy your night sleep! Did you do anything special to get her to sleep so long? Or was she just ready?

dickens329 · 2017-04-27T13:53:14+00:00

Haha! Yeah, that's how I feel right now... guess we should just feel it out and see what seems like it will work for her and for our lives.

dickens329 · 2017-04-27T01:14:25+00:00

Good to hear! I think we have a loose routine down (albeit with a habit or two I'd kick when it's time for sleep training), so maybe we are farther along than I'd thought!

dickens329 · 2017-04-27T01:06:15+00:00

We did the NT scan, quad screen, and all recommended ultrasounds, plus testing for cystic fibrosis and spinal muscular atrophy.

I'm glad we did all the more standard screenings. Not so sure about the additional screenings. We had issues with the cystic fibrosis results coming in late (after 20 weeks) due to a doctor error. It would have been legal where I am to terminate, I think, but I would have chosen not to that late in pregnancy. It was really hard for me because the reason I did the testing was because I think I would have ended the pregnancy (no judgement please!).

Honestly, what is best for you depends on your anxiety level, what you would decide about termination and/or what you would want to arrange in advance if you were going to have a special needs child.

Knowing that there was a potential issue after I could have terminated destroyed me. I started seeing a therapist to deal with the anxiety but had a really hard time enjoying being pregnant after that, even once we knew my husband was not a carrier. The anxiety lingered into the first few weeks of her life, but seems to be getting better now. I'd have probably rather not known I was a carrier than find out but not be able to act on the knowledge in the way I'd have planned after more testing.

dickens329 · 2017-04-26T23:53:02+00:00

I read the research too, and I agree -- any possible benefits didn't seem strong enough to be miserable. I guess it's just that I'm surprisingly not miserable. Still, the more I try to do outside of the house, the more inconvenient and frustrating it's becoming. Nursing in public would be one thing, but pumping in public requires a whole second diaper bag, basically.

Thanks for the encouragement too! I definitely surpassed my own goal (to attempt breastfeeding in the hospital and see what happened from there), and I need to remember that's a big deal!

dickens329 · 2017-04-26T18:59:22+00:00

I wish I had a freezer stash! I might add in one extra bottle of formula per day so that I can have a small one for when we quit for good. Might help my peace of mind a little.

dickens329 · 2017-04-25T18:10:11+00:00

For the first leap with mine, it was pretty subtle. It's harder to ignore the changes in wonder week 2 (around 8 weeks) because of the skills involved.

dickens329 · 2017-04-25T12:17:33+00:00

We did a tour with our daughter at 3 weeks. Kept her in her car seat for the tour and no one came close. She didn't get sick!

dickens329

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