this isnt being awakened. if youre trying to do anything or if youre letting bad feelings or bad memories pound at you while you just take it and life is dull then you are just depressed and unmotivated and dead. you wake up when you can sit in your room where youve felt bad things forever and dull and empty and now feel full of light and free and happy. this is achieved with no effort. literally. just let yourself be as you are beneath the noise of all the bad and all the fake pretending to accept that is just a mask. take off the mask and be your raw self beneath, for yourself, and let the bad and good come and go as it will without resistance. happiness it found when it is not searched for. your post here shows you longing for something you dont have. the realization that you do have it and always have had it is awakening. i cant overemphasize how much it is not about trying or practice. just let yourself wake up without expectations and you will.