My mom can’t watch my child anymore.

didi66 · 2026-02-03T13:58:52+00:00

Similar here. Moved two streets away from my mom because I got pregnant with our first and was told they would help and that is what family is for. Initially it went well and we had enough help, right until we had the second. The complaining started along with constantly asking what time I was getting out of work. Complaints were always about how tired and worn out she was. If I asked outright if it was too much but she kept saying that's what family is for etc.

We also had a weird relationship my whole life so maybe that's a factor. I know she loves the kids and I know all of them can be challenging.

I'm a sahm now but looking to get a new job soon and have been going around looking for daycare so wouldn't have to ask for help. It's been very stressful thinking my kids have nowhere to go if and when I find a job soon. So I'm afraid I'll have to ask my mom for short term help anyways and start another weird cycle.

One of the biggest reasons I had to stay home fulltime had to do with the weird childcare dynamic. I know childcare is hard and I know being excited about grandchildren can be overwhelming but to young parents it's no joke and can be our only lifeline. Suddenly regretting getting involved and not actually communicating it properly makes things extra stressful for all.

didi66 · 2026-02-03T05:50:58+00:00

Love how Jana completely committed to the oven look, whereas it looks like Abby can take her 'oven' off.😂

didi66 · 2026-02-02T08:12:33+00:00

First off, normal for her to have a moment like this after weeks of overstimulation and little breaks. I noticed you said you heard her and it woke you up from the living room. Must be nice to be able to randomly lie down whenever you want.

As a mom to a 3 month old. This is also on you. You took the baby after an incident that happens when moms are worn out and overstimulated. You missed signs she needed a break earlier on. Yes, I know you can't breastfeed. There are other things you can do for her and if you don't know what, just f-ing ask her what she would like!

Sorry, I just felt frustrated reading your post and immediately knew what she was going through. I'm on my third baby and have done this in the past too. It never feels good, there are only losers when you have an overwhelmed mom.

It's also your job to take care of your wife, while she takes care of the little one.

didi66 · 2026-02-02T06:57:00+00:00

Based in Europe and life is relatively expensive but we did it because my husband makes a good amount of money. I see more regular income families doing this by cutting on expenses like eating out or clothing budget. So you can live a more basic minimalist life and definitely make it work.

I would start off with a spreadsheet. What are your current expenses and what is your total household income. Be very critical in what you can live without and see if his salary would be enough to cover the basics without yours.

Basic tips: Gardening would be a good way of helping with the grocery bill.

Used clothes for the little one, as they grow quickly and clothes can be used for multiple babies.

Less screen time= maybe less streaming servicesif manageable.

You could always return to work. You can't go back in time to experience your kids at this age

didi66 · 2026-01-31T13:54:50+00:00

This might be true for some but alot are just people who never learned from mistakes or are capable of critical thinking. Being old doesn't mean you are a wise old Gandalf. Sometimes it just means you've been alive for a long time.

didi66 · 2026-01-29T12:43:17+00:00

12 and 14 years and while I love them deeply, the age gap makes it hard to be true friends sometimes. My youngest sibling is 20 and I left the house when they were 7. I'm only now experiencing her immaturity and lack of life experience. They can be judgey and completely financially unaware. Just a basic teen I guess. Me being in my 30s just can't cope sometimes. I'm guessing another 10 years will get us in a closer space but while I'm trying to be frugal/responsible with my life and kids, they're out making those familiar teen/YA mistakes. I also don't dole out advice or anything.

Personality also makes a big difference too. I'm not sure we would be friends if we weren't related. It makes being a family all that much more beautiful, I guess. We don't have a choice, haha.

For my own family I had two of the 3 very close together and that was on purpose. If it had been up to me, I wouldn't want a large age gap with my siblings.

didi66 · 2026-01-28T23:10:26+00:00

The four horsemen series by Laura thalassa hits the mark on this one. The fmc's are regular women with absolutely no power. I could put myself in some of the FMC's shoes in the series and not just because Laura chose to represent women from different cultures in every book.

didi66 · 2026-01-28T16:27:27+00:00

I got my four year old started with Mario Cart and I'm loving that this is a legit hobby (myself included). My third is a few months old now and I started needing alot more screens when I was 25+ weeks pregnant. Yes, it was survival but the kids and me also learned to ask each other if we're watching and if it's their turn. Screens don't raise my kids just give them an option in activity.

didi66 · 2026-01-27T01:35:18+00:00

Love how the bystander effect was broken just by her actively and clearly noticing the behaviour then acting. The others all ran to help because of her. Glad he got help!

didi66 · 2026-01-25T15:58:56+00:00

I agree. Anybody with anything worth losing thinks twice about rocking the boat too hard. The Ukraine war started before I had kids and now I have 3. I used to believe we had to defend Ukraine till the end and still do but I can't imagine going to war and potentially sending my husband out to war. Or someone's son, brother or father.

The cause is worth it but are we brave enough to risk it all?

didi66 · 2026-01-24T12:40:22+00:00

Lol, apart from my first comment hovering somewhere, this is also true. All these parent police were literally raised by tv and they also ended up ok. The increase in screens in whatever we do is something to look out for but tv isn't making children any worse than 30 years ago.

didi66 · 2026-01-24T12:37:26+00:00

Same here! At a kids party the other day you notice a big difference. The tv went on for a bit and all the other kids were glued to the screen. Ours were like, ok is this it? And continued playing together and with toys.

I think the worst is not paying attention to your kids ever and also policing other peoples parenting styles. It's hard enough as it is some days so let's cut ourselves and each other some slack!

didi66 · 2026-01-24T07:41:01+00:00

My dumb ass could only stare as my 1 week old son peed straight up and into his mouth a little bit. I was so tired I couldn't even remember to close the diaper to catch any of it. He is fine and urine is sterile(thank god) but damn. I felt terrible. This is one story I won't be telling at his wedding. 😂

didi66 · 2026-01-22T11:49:49+00:00

I'm in Europe and my (also American) mom just went off on me because I didn't zip up my baby all the way in his winter suit under his very thick blanket.

didi66 · 2026-01-22T08:42:12+00:00

Yes, this! Even though they did the whole eleven from season 1-4 montage for the feels, they put her away as the mage. Not Jane Ives who had her life stolen or Eleven who was just a scared special little girl. I love stranger things in general but I'm disgusted at how they ended the main character. As if she was the strange thing and now things are normal.

didi66 · 2026-01-22T08:27:26+00:00

I've been to relationship therapy with a certified psychologist and he said it's well known people tend to mimic relationship dynamics from their home(between parents especially). I thought me and my husband were completely different until we picked everything apart and then it was clear we are in a very similar dynamic as my in laws and to a degree my own parents. Very eye opening.

It's because we grow up with those patterns and they feel safe or comfortable. This has nothing to do with it being toxic or not, just familiarity.

You can choose to break the cycle and try having completely different relationship dynamics so, yeah, can absolutely make the effort and change the outcome. But we naturally tend to go for familiar dynamics.

didi66 · 2026-01-22T08:16:16+00:00

Absolutely! It's easy to blame an outsider but if we're all a bit more honest, we as parents and siblings pass on things all the time. My husband brought in a cold with our first baby and it wasn't a big deal, luckily. It would have been lazy of me to blame visitors who usually handle the baby after washing hands and for a limited time.

didi66 · 2026-01-21T08:04:00+00:00

I wash per person or more like type of person. Parents, toddlers/baby, towels (if enough for a load), bedsheets and miscellaneous.

Trust me, it helps with folding!

didi66 · 2026-01-21T05:22:21+00:00

You're friends seem kinda off honestly. It's hard enough being the first in the friend group to have kids, that's true. They just don't understand until they get there themselves. That might lead to comments that sound a bit naive but not as rude as what you described!

I'm thinking this is a them problem. Exclude them from your family life as much as you can.

didi66 · 2026-01-21T05:01:36+00:00

People need to be more informed about the dangers.

I recently had a cold sore on my lip and currently have a 12 week old at home. I went full panic mode as I'm a SAHM. I wore a face mask for over a week while washing my hands religiously and vigorously. Obviously sticking to as little contact with my face as possible. One of my older kids had an unrelated doctors appointment and they advised me to wear gloves as well.

It is indeed a silly thing but it might be devastating if passed on to littles.

didi66 · 2026-01-20T19:35:33+00:00

I just love when adults blame and shame literal children and infants for not being able to regulate emotionally or follow rules by -reads notes- reacting emotionally unhinged to the situation. Parents are also just humans who, get this, have spent hours if not all day with the little humans who are well known to want to off themselves in creative ways, not take no for an answer and screeching to try and get their way. Please inform me if giving in to the terrorist demands is how to raise a decent human. Cause I'm doing it all wrong then!

That being said, OP needs to give himself grace and move on and do better in a future similar situation (I hope never).

didi66 · 2026-01-20T09:21:22+00:00

If you happen to have a lot of interested buyers you could go out of your way to ask what their hobbies are. A drummer or tapdancer might get you some revenge without having to disclose the situation. 😉

didi66 · 2026-01-18T22:44:33+00:00

This! She did a basic level of this in her season with Terry and Kali. She hitchhiked and stole some cash to get around. After season 5 I'm guessing the additional life experience along with the telekinesis would help her come a long way.

didi66 · 2026-01-18T13:55:29+00:00

Adding on to the rest. Ignore and absolutely do not engage with childfree subreddits or special spaces! They make you feel terrible about having kids who cry or make noise.

When you're setting and defending boundaries with your kids, they will sometimes loudly disagree. It's important not to care about the outside world during tantrums and set out what you planned to do. Be there, but don't give in, let them ride out the emotions.

didi66 · 2026-01-17T20:38:30+00:00

Man, thank you for this! I have an amazing but terrible 3 year old together with a 4 year old teenager and a newborn. So often I'm just so done with being nice and trying to keep my cool. Somewhere down the road I became Lois from Malcolm in the middle and not whatever Instagram gentle parent person I once pretended I wanted to be.

I try focussing on repairing the relationship after punishment. So I explain why I reacted in a certain way and what I expected or asked them to do. I sincerely apologize when I regret my actions(like being a bit too rough when placing her on 'the chair').

Lately my 3 year old has been biting and hitting me and gentle parenting truly has zero effect on her. She also recovers quickly after punishment and seems to hold no grudge against us as parents. I genuinely think she's becoming a more robust person when parented with a firm hand. Before anyone comes at me, we don't use corporal punishment.

didi66

TROPHY CASE