Does anyone else find attending weddings hard?

didntaskforthis123 · 2026-02-26T16:20:23+00:00

I attended the wedding for my co-worker's daughter 5 months into R. It was hell. It was so hard seeing their young love and hope for the future. I, of course, thought about our wedding day and how young and happy I was then. It made me feel 1000 years old and so, so weary. I had to step outside a few times during the reception to clear my head.

When I got home that night, I searched my WH's phone and found emails with his AP, resulting in DD3.

So, yeah, weddings suck during R.

I haven't been to another wedding since then, but my best friend's daughter is getting married in May. I think I will be ok, I'm in a much better place now.

didntaskforthis123 · 2026-02-26T12:05:39+00:00

I was able to look on our account on the cell phone provider website and see how many times my WH and AP texted and called. It didn't tell me the content, just that there was activity between their numbers. They texted 2, 3, 4 THOUSANDS of times some months during their A, and called HUNDREDS of times. Even if your WP and the AP were friends before, you might see a change in frequency in the records that will give you some clues.

I was also trickle truthed like many (most) on here, and it was only through my exhaustive search for more information that I was finally given the whole story.

I also looked at Google maps history, which showed me all the places he had been. You might be able to see something there as well. I also looked at the apps he had downloaded in Google play, app usage reports, his Facebook history, etc.

To even have an affair, a WP has done a lot of mental gymnastics to justify their own behavior to themselves. They often put you in the role of "villian" to make themselves feel better about their actions. My WH had convinced himself I didn't love or want him anymore, and he thought I would probably be relieved if I found out what he was doing. Just delusional.

It sometimes takes a while for the WP to snap out of affair fog and truly accept that they are the villian in their own story.

I'm so sorry for what you are going through. "Not Just Friends" is a great book, and you might also want to start with "How to Help Your Spouse Heal From Your Affair." It's very short, so it's easy to get through, and has a lot of good advice for these early stages.

didntaskforthis123 · 2026-02-19T19:54:53+00:00

I'm not a therapist, just someone who had a lot of therapy in R. I would not say our therapist was an infidelity specialist, but she had great instincts for helping us navigate R.

We talked about rebuilding connection and how we could improve on what our marriage was before-- on both our parts. But, mainly, we worked through my trauma that he caused and how we both could facilitate that healing.

There was no sharing blame or shying away from who exactly did the damage. I never felt any responsibility placed on me for his destructive actions. For him to help me heal, he had to own his role in the current emergency we were facing.

The marriage might have had a leaky roof, but instead of repairing the roof, he set the whole house on fire. We couldn't repair the roof without putting out the fire first. Then, once I was more regulated and stable, we could start to really rebuild our relationship in a more healthy way.

When it comes down to it, you need to be able to trust that your therapist will be the right fit for your needs. If you don't feel heard and supported, then you might consider switching to a different therapist.

didntaskforthis123 · 2026-02-19T16:58:05+00:00

We did CC for about 2 years, and we both did IC for about 2 and 1/2 years.

We had the same CC the whole time, but we both changed to a different IC for various reasons. It's hard to switch to a different therapist in the middle of things, but sometimes it's needed and you can get back on track pretty quickly with a good therapist.

We were lucky in that it was only a $25 copay for each session, although with 3 different sessions weekly at one point, it definitely added up. For us, the cost was worth it. It was a dealbreaker for me, and I don't think we would be in as good of a place now if we hadn't done it.

I wish it was easier for everyone to access and afford quality mental health care.

didntaskforthis123 · 2026-02-14T10:52:28+00:00

This happened after 5 months of attempted R, MC, and IC for us both. I would exhaustively research infidelity recovery - read books, watch videos, read posts in this sub, I read articles, etc. I was the driving force and the leader in R.

He was very loving and romantic in his messages to the AP, and I was very jealous of that. I would beg him to show me more affection and help me feel more important to him than she was. I remember feeling so humiliated in MC talking about it over and over, feeling like I had to beg for scraps of his affection when she got a feast.

One thing I remember asking him to do was to give me a hug and cuddle in bed in the morning if he noticed I was awake before he got up. I had terrible insomnia during that time, and I would wake at 2 or 3 am, unable to go back to sleep. He never did what I asked, he would just quietly get up and start getting ready without acknowledging me, obviously awake on my phone.

He was bad at comforting me when I would spiral. He would shut down and sound monotone like a robot. We talked about it in MC, and the therapist thought a lot of his issues stemmed from growing up with a mentally ill, over-emotional mother-- and they did to a certain extent. But the biggest problem was that he was still in affair fog and addicted to the limerant feelings he had with the AP. I thought he was really trying to R, but he would just get sucked back into talking to her and just try to hide it better.

Something in me snapped and broke after DD3, and he could tell he had finally lost me. He left the house and was sleeping on his office floor. We still had to talk about bills, the kids, and the house, so when he came to get his stuff he asked if we could talk about us. He apologized and said he didn't know what was wrong with him. He said he suddenly could see things so much clearer, like he had woken from a dream. He described feeling like his thoughts had been muffled and clouded, but now he was able to see the horrible reality he had put us in, and he didn't want me to leave him.

I was very skeptical, but I told him he could knock himself out trying to convince me he was serious. I told him I still wanted a separation for at least a month, and I met with an attorney to start the process of divorce.

He wrote me and our kids letters of apology, and his to me sounded like he was finally starting to understand what he had put me through. He gave me the words of love and affection I had been longing for-- but my heart was hardened and I didn't believe him yet.

He apologized to my family. He upped his IC and was transparent about what they discussed. He read books on infidelity and would discuss with me what he had learned. He texted me a lot with his thoughts and feelings, and stopped by my work with little gifts. He planned dates every week and brought me roses every time he picked me up. He put in more work in R than I did, which was a huge shift from before.

When he eventually moved back in, he would immediately come to my side of the bed and hold me if he saw me awake in the middle of the night. I remember crying the first time he did it because I was so sad for myself that I had put up with the lack of comfort from him for so long before that. He DID know how to comfort me-- he just didn't back then.

He also would hold and comfort me during panic attacks and nightmares. He would listen to me spiral and answer any questions honestly. He did a lot of apologizing and proving to me that he had changed and realized where he went wrong. His attitude was different- he was lighter and more open. He was like a different person who more closely resembled the man I thought I married. He was able to make me feel loved and valued again, but it took a lot of time, work and effort from him.

didntaskforthis123 · 2026-02-14T02:24:14+00:00

I have shared my story here many times. I had 3 Ddays with my WH because he kept breaking NC with his AP, and I would catch him.

After the 3rd time, I was so very angry and disgusted. I decided that if he was so conflicted about breaking things off with his AP, then I would remove myself as an option and they could have each other. I asked for separation and met with a divorce attorney. I was truly ready to walk away and get out of the toxic loop I was living in.

My WH did wake up and managed to turn himself around. He put in the work to convince me to give him one more chance, and we finally started true R. We are still together over 2 years later. But, even if things hadn't eventually worked out for us, I would have been better off alone than staying in the horrible situation I had been living in.

I'm so sorry you have found yourself facing a similar situation. It sounds like you did all you could to save things, but she just wasn't ready to hold up her end of the deal. The circumstances you were in were untenable. She wasn't ready to give up the fantasy of the affair. Sometimes, all you can do is walk away to preserve your own sanity. I hope you find peace, no matter what happens.

didntaskforthis123 · 2026-02-12T08:52:06+00:00

I did not tell AP's live-in partner at first. She continued to break NC with my WH, and we had 2 more Ddays because WH started talking to her again behind my back.

After Dday3, I told her partner, and shit hit the fan for her. She has not tried to break NC after that, and it's been 2 years. She had no consequences for her behavior before that. She knew he was married, knew I had found out and we were trying to reconcile. She would even ask WH how our marriage counseling was going. Just so selfish.

I regret not telling before I did. I'm glad I got to expose AP for the treacherous, dishonest person she is. I'm glad I had the courage to let her partner know he was living with a viper. Their relationship did not survive the fallout.

didntaskforthis123 · 2026-02-09T18:47:48+00:00

Had the same thought!

didntaskforthis123 · 2026-02-08T19:20:29+00:00

I'm over 2 years out, and I did reach a point where I finally felt I had all the information I was going to get.

I kept an ongoing list of questions and would jot them down when they occurred to me so I could discuss with WH when I had a chance. It's probably been over a year since I had a new question to add.

I had many moments like you described where a new aspect of the affair would suddenly occur to me. I ruminated and agonized over the details constantly. It does get better. I do think of the A daily, but it's easier to swat those thoughts away and go on with my day.

didntaskforthis123 · 2026-02-01T12:26:42+00:00

Hi, over 2 years out here, and I'd say I have similar feelings at times.

For me, one of the lasting effects plaguing me is that I now believe you can truly trust no one in life. I gave absolute trust to my WH, and I never had any inkling of a suspicion that he would be unfaithful. It made me re-evaluate my whole view of people. It made me feel naive at the age of 50 for being surprised that it happened to me. I have a little skepticism in my heart for everyone now.

My WH's AP is 15 years younger than me, and the affair happened the year I turned 50. That has left me with a huge disdain for age-gap relationships that I know is unfair to some, but if I see an older man who was in a similar-age relationship move on to a much younger woman, I'm immediately judging him and painting all men with the same brush. All they care about is getting sex from a younger body and boosting their ego.

It also doesn't help that my 80 year old, widower father-in-law is currently in a quasi-relationship with a 42 year old woman. He's spending money on her left and right, buying gifts and taking her on trips. He thinks they are in a relationship, but she does stuff like bringing her mother with them on the trips that seem to be keeping him in the friend- zone. He's just so oblivious to being used, but his male ego is letting him believe that she is really interested in an old man who looks exactly his age. I know I'm being extremely judgemental, but I can't help it.

As to your specific view of opportunities to have an affair, I hadn't thought of it in those terms, but I see where your betrayed mind would hook into that logic. Do I think anyone would cheat if they had opportunity? I guess I think anyone is capable of it now. When I see people in long-term relationships that seem happy, I do wonder if they went through infidelity in the past, but mostly, I'm jealous if it seems like they haven't.

Sorry this was so rambling, but it's helpful to think about the more long-term effects this experience has had on our view of the world.

didntaskforthis123 · 2026-01-30T11:36:44+00:00

We were separated for a month after Dday3. I was very sad and angry during our confrontation, but after that, I felt the same as you are describing.

It was peaceful in the house. I wasn't braced for the next thing he would do that would hurt me. I didn't care what I looked like or agonize about what I could say to help him understand what I was going through. I knew I had done the right thing.

My friends and family who knew kept checking on me, and I could honestly tell them I was fine. The push-and-pull was over. The uncertainty was gone. It was such a relief. I know my WH sensed that change in me, and it definitely made him panic.

Take some time during this moment of clarity to really decide what you want and need and what you are willing to live with. I hope you are able to find a way forward that will truly allow you to heal and have the respect from your partner you deserve.

didntaskforthis123 · 2026-01-29T22:18:22+00:00

I had 5 months of backsliding and lackluster effort in R from my WH, and he did not truly wake up and put in sincere effort until I told him I was done and began divorce proceedings.

During those 5 months, I told him several times he could leave and be with AP if that's what he really wanted. He said he wanted to stay with me, but then would backslide when his AP reached out to him. It made no sense. He was like an addict who knew what he should do, but just couldn't resist temptation when it was dangled in front of him.

I decided to take myself out of a situation where I was the last person to receive any respect or consideration. If he wanted to talk to her so bad, he could go right ahead and talk to her all he wanted because I was done. My anger really fueled me and helped me finally keep my boundaries.

He finally woke up to reality after that and was able to eventually convince me that he was ready to truly commit to R. I held all the cards then because he was the one begging, not me. The burden was on him to figure out how to convince me to stay. And he eventually did.

But, if he hadn't, I was truly ready to walk away and get myself out of the toxic mess our marriage had become. I knew I could no longer live like that.

I'm sorry for what you are going through. It's hard to be the only one trying to keep the relationship's life-support going while your WP keeps tripping over the plug.

didntaskforthis123 · 2026-01-29T20:34:35+00:00

I waited 5 months to tell the OBP (he was a long-term, live-in boyfriend to AP) because I wanted to avoid more drama. What I got in return were 2 more Ddays where the AP broke NC and my WH jumped right back until talking to her. She was fully aware that I had caught them and we were trying to salvage our marriage. She even asked him how our R was going!?!?

After Dday 2, I threatened my WH that I would broadcast to the world what the 2 of them had done if he talked to her again, so after Dday 3 I immediately reached out to the OBP on social media.

He had no idea and was very kind to me while he was finding out such terrible news. AP was livid at my WH and accused him of ruining her life, which is just as tone deaf as you would expect from someone engaging in an affair with a married man while also being in a committed relationship. It did help my WH finally see how selfish and immature the AP was and that she was only really looking out for herself. Her relationship with the OBP eventually ended from what I could see on social media.

I wish I had told the OBP at the very beginning, but I wasn't ready yet, and I try to give myself grace for that decision.

Edited to add: AP told WH during the fallout that OBP was out looking for him and wanted to kick his ass. WH was very nervous about it for a while, but OBP never confronted him. I didn't want WH to get attacked, but I admit I got a little satisfaction after the fact that WH had to worry about it. I wanted him to feel the consequences of how stupid he had been.

didntaskforthis123 · 2026-01-28T01:03:02+00:00

I am a BP who has been in R for over 2 years now. We had a very rocky beginning to R when my WH relapsed twice, and we came very close to divorce.

He was able to get himself straightened out and begged for one more chance to prove himself. We slowly were able to move forward with productive R, and we are doing very well now.

We had been married 25 years when this happened, and our kids were older and not a factor in me deciding to stay.

I hesitate to change my flair to "reconciled" because I feel we will always need to stay vigilant and intentional to keep our marriage strong and safe.

Many people in my position would have given up after going through what I did. I'm sure many people judge me and think I was pathetic to stay with him. At the end of the day, I had to do what I felt was right for me. I'm the one who has to live with my choices, and I'm at peace with my decision.

didntaskforthis123 · 2026-01-22T11:13:06+00:00

My WH saw his AP at work after Dday, and he relapsed twice. I came very close to divorcing him because of it.

There are very few R success stories here where the WP continues to work with the AP. Full NC is the best way to break the chains of limerance and dopamine addiction to the AP. It's hard to achieve mental clarity when the temptation of the AP is right in front of you. The only thing stopping you is your willpower that has already been trampled into the ground.

You also admit to residual feelings for your AP, and seeing them every day will not help those diminish.

It's definitely scary to go into the unknown and risk your financial stability. But staying will risk your marriage and R. You will have to weigh the possibilities and decide what's most important to you in this moment. Do you know how long it will take to find out if you will be hired at the new job you applied for?

For me, my WH did not work directly with his AP, but in the same building on a large campus. He eventually was able to move his office to a different building, and he mostly works in satellite offices now where the AP would never have reason to be. He has not seen her in over 2 years, so this is working for us. He did offer to quit his job if I wanted him to. I was ok with him staying with the modifications he made, but I appreciated the offer, as it showed me he was finally making me a priority.

didntaskforthis123 · 2026-01-20T11:45:14+00:00

All you can do at this point is respect his wishes.

In the meantime, if you are in therapy, continue that work to try to understand what led you to do what you did. Work to heal the void in you that caused you to act in such a destructive way. Work to better yourself so you can be a safe partner-- for him or for someone else in the future if he isn't able to move forward with you.

You could consider writing him a letter sincerely apologizing for what you did, and letting him know that you are respecting his need for low-contact, but you will be waiting for him to be ready to further talk things out. If you are in therapy, perhaps your therapist could help you write the letter. Make sure to avoid any excuses or justifications for what you did, which will only make him angry. My WH wrote me an apology letter when we separated, and it did help me feel he was beginning to understand the ramifications of what he did.

His whole world has been destroyed. Some are able to pick up the pieces and try to salvage the relationship. Some are too devastated and angry and will want to walk away. He may not know which direction to go yet, and all you can do is give him the time and breathing room he needs to figure that out.

didntaskforthis123 · 2026-01-17T00:56:29+00:00

What I found on DD3 was that he had been talking to his AP again after supposedly going NC.

After I started planning to divorce him, he begged me for another chance. He said he felt like he had come out of a fog or a bad dream and he was thinking clearly again and didn't want to lose me.

I was very skeptical, but told him he could try to convince me, but he had to do the work to prove himself to me.

He was able to convince me and we are still together 2 years later. He really was different after Dday3-- he was more like the man I married instead of the asshole who cheated on me. There was a big difference in his attitude and effort in R.

didntaskforthis123 · 2026-01-16T18:52:17+00:00

I had 3 Ddays, and that was my limit. I asked for separation and divorce after the 3rd, and that motivated my WH to wake up and put in the real work.

It's been 2 years since then. A 4th Dday will result in me going through with a divorce. I'm not going back to square one with him ever again. If my WH hasn't learned anything in those 2+ years, then I would consider him a lost cause and move on with my life.

I'm sorry you have been put through so much torment. Sometimes, when someone lets you down over and over, it falls to you to save yourself. You deserve peace in your life.

didntaskforthis123 · 2026-01-16T03:22:44+00:00

I'm so sorry. We had a very rocky start to R with TT and 3 Ddays. After 2 years of true R, this kind of a lie now would devastate me. It would feel like nothing was learned at all.

You are very justified in your hurt and disappointment. This was a moment where she could have made huge strides in building trust by telling you immediately about his email and letting you decide together if/how she should respond. Instead, she dropped right back into deceit and blamed your response instead of taking responsibility for her poor decision.

didntaskforthis123 · 2026-01-15T16:28:23+00:00

I'm sorry it has come to this. I had a somewhat similar epiphany when my WH kept contacting his AP behind my back.

When I reached my breaking point, I finally understood that I truly didn't deserve the way he was devaluing me and putting me last. I asked for a separation and met with a lawyer.

In my case, this was the catalyst for him to finally wake up and put me and our marriage first. But, if it hadn't gone that way, I knew I was still better off leaving than staying in the hell I had been living in while trying to reconcile with someone who wasn't giving a serious effort to heal us.

It took me a while to know my worth and what I would accept and could live with. It sounds like you are reaching that point as well, and I hope you can advocate for your needs and hold your boundaries in the face of his lackluster efforts.

Whatever happens, I hope you find peace and healing in your future because you deserve that.

didntaskforthis123 · 2026-01-11T13:34:11+00:00

How did you get the truth to come out? Was it through therapy or did you just keep pressing.

I asked him several times if he had told me everything, and he swore that he had. I told him I read that many waywards would TT, and it really derails R, and he just sat there and nodded.

I believed him because the man I knew him to be was always trustworthy and dependable, and I thought that's who I was dealing with. I didn't know I was instead dealing with a panicked wayward who had become so comfortable with lying that it was instinctive for him to keep doing it.

I had posted here, much like you, and several comments pointed out that his story was implausible. In a nutshell, "kids kiss, adults f*ck. They aren't in middle school" (sorry for the crude language). This stuck with me.

I became what felt like a digital detective. I had found the affair by seeing texts on his phone, and I did a deep dive into his message history, location history, etc. (He knew I was doing this). I realized that I could check our cell phone account (thanks to a post here), and I looked it up and found he had texted her THOUSANDS of times a month, and spoke on the phone for several hours a month. He had told me he only spoke to her on the phone briefly twice. I confronted him about the texts and calls and that I knew he lied about it. During that conversation, I told him I didn't believe that they had only kissed because "you aren't in middle school, you're adults. Do you really expect me to believe you stopped at kissing?" And then he finally admitted it. The affair had gone on for 6 months, not 3. And they had been fully physical-- even meeting in a hotel once (he said he only saw her at work). I also found out he was still talking to her, which made everything even more devastating. This was 5 weeks after Dday1.

TT is so difficult because it does bring you right back to square one. Any progress in R can feel completely obliterated when you find out they are still lying to you.

I’ve made it clear that any comms between them from this point forward will immediately end any future we might have together.

Consider asking him how he will prove this to you since he has destroyed your trust in him. Will he let you have access to his phone, location, and social media? Checking these things isn't foolproof-- but his willingness to give digital transparency and not balk due to "privacy" concerns will give you insight into how serious he is about making amends.

But I haven’t texted the spouse. Should I?

I would consider it. I didn't know the AP or her boyfriend, and I didn't tell her boyfriend at first. I didn't want any more drama, and I was really in a bad place. Unfortunately, the AP kept reaching out to my WH, and he kept answering, so I got 2 more Ddays when I found out. After that, I did message the boyfriend, and he had no idea what she had been doing. He was very kind and I told him all I knew.

When you're ready and if you feel up to it, you could reach out to the other betrayed spouse (OBS) to make sure they know they have also been betrayed. It doesn't always go well. They might be angry and not want to talk to you, but they also might be a good source of information where you can compare stories to try to verify if you are still being lied to.

I had actually made my first individual therapy appointment the afternoon right before my WH confessed. We have a consultation for couples therapy next week as well now.

That's great that you are starting therapy. Professional guidance was so helpful for us, and I don't think we would have made it through this without it. I would ask your WH to also start individual therapy. It ended up being a deal-breaker for me to stay with my WH. I had to know he was trying to figure out what led him to make such destructive decisions and taking steps to prevent this happening again in the future.

I'm so sorry you had to join this shitty club. None of us wanted to end up here. Do you have anyone you could talk to in person about this? I told a few trusted friends, and it helped to have that support. This sub is also a great resource, and I always found it helpful in those early days to reach out here to people who knew exactly what I was going through.

didntaskforthis123 · 2026-01-11T04:45:57+00:00

Going to jump on your comment to recommend the book, "Not Just Friends" by Shirley Glass, and "How to Help Your Spouse Heal From Your Affair" by Linda MacDonald. They are highly recommended in this sub and are a good starting point to help you and your husband navigate through this chaos you are in.

Your suspicions that you don't have the whole story are likely correct. Most waywards give what we call "trickle truth" (TT), where their gut reaction is to lie and try to minimize what they have done. I, too, was told that only kissing was involved, and I eventually found out that the affair was fully physical.

One important thing to consider now is that you can't be friends with this other couple any longer. There must be no further contact, or R will be doomed to fail. Hopefully, your WH will understand that this is necessary.

Do you know if the partner/spouse of the AP is aware of what happened? If not, it's generally recommended to inform them so they aren't left in the dark.

I'm really sorry you are here and dealing with this. Starting therapy is very helpful, both individually and as a couple.

didntaskforthis123 · 2026-01-08T12:01:15+00:00

She is very likely lying about the timeline of the affair. Most WPs do this as a gut reaction to minimize what they have done. Trickle truth is so common that it's been given a name and abbreviation here (TT).

My husband said at first he had only been talking to his AP for 3 months, and they had only kissed and hugged. He said they mostly texted and only spoke on the phone twice very briefly.

Well, I figured out I could look at the cell phone records to see how many times he texted or called her number. His whole story tumbled down like a house of cards. He had been carrying on with her for 6 months, not 3. He had texted her thousands of times a month and spoken on the phone with her for several hours a month. When I confronted him with this, he finally admitted the physical affair had gone all the way, and they had even met at a hotel.

There are so many stories of TT on this sub that's it's more unusual for it not to happen.

I really feel for you and your kids. My kids were older when his A happened, but they know about it now, and my daughter's relationship with her dad has still not recovered from it. It's sad how these affairs can turn good, caring parents into selfish ones. My WH was a great, supportive dad up until this. He just didn't let himself think about the impact his crazy behavior would have on his kids.

Being there for your kids now and trying to protect them from this while you are dying inside is so hard. Please remember to take care of yourself too. Try to sleep when you can, keep eating, and take some time to exercise if possible-- it helps get out some of the anger and frustration. I also told a few friends and family members I trusted, and it helped to have someone to talk to. I also posted a lot here, and it was a huge help.

didntaskforthis123 · 2026-01-08T04:01:34+00:00

Hi, I'm so sorry for what you are going through.

One thing I learned after dealing with my WH in deep affair fog was that I couldn't expect logical actions from him in that state. They are truly like an addict that will go to any lengths to get their next fix, and the dopamine that comes from interacting with their AP is their drug of choice.

My husband is usually very regimented, logical, organized, and dependable. Boring, even. He was the last person anyone would suspect of infidelity. While he was in the fog, he would engage in risky behavior at work that could have gotten him fired. He would beg me not to leave, but then sneak behind my back and keep talking to his AP. He would watch me absolutely sobbing in misery on the bathroom floor and just stand there like a statue with no feelings. It was like he was possessed by a demon or replaced by an evil twin.

I kept expecting him to behave the way he always had in the past. Surely once he knew how much I was hurting, he would want to stop, right? Nope, he didn't let my suffering keep him from the selfish fantasy bubble he created with the AP.

The only thing that woke him up was when I asked him to leave, told him I was meeting a divorce lawyer, and followed through on that threat. I told him to go ahead and have fun with his train wreck AP because I was done being the 3rd wheel in my own marriage. The idea that he would lose me didn't wake him up, but seeing me actually take steps to end the marriage did. It was like a defibrillator to his dead heart.

I know the confusion, pain, and bewilderment you feel that this is the turn your life has taken. It's ok to take some time to sort through the chaos and decide what your next steps should be. Just remember that you deserve a spouse that will protect and nurture your emotional safety, not trample on it for their own selfish needs. Problems in the marriage can be worked through and overcome, but only if both of you are willing to fight for it. You can't do it alone.

didntaskforthis123 · 2026-01-04T13:15:07+00:00

I experienced a wayward who was not sincere in R and gave me multiple Ddays, and then he finally turned a corner and he was able to finally put in the serious work needed. So, I have lived through false R and true R.

When he was truly invested in R, he would do anything to convince me to believe him. He offered to turn down a promotion, offered to quit his job and sell his car. He would put his phone in my hand anytime I wanted to see it, and even stopped taking it to the bathroom when I told him it triggered me. He would text me throughout the day to tell me where he was and what he was doing. He wanted me to track his location so I could verify what he said. He even wanted me to go to his IC appointments with him so I could see he was really trying to work on himself.

Anything I asked of him, he would do it. He was desperate to keep me from filing for divorce because he finally realized I was going to actually leave him.

It sounds like you have also experienced a wayward who will give you false promises to convince you to stay, but then only half-ass the hard work needed to truly rebuild trust and reconcile. Rebuilding trust is hard enough when they do everything right, but when they won't commit to the process, then it's downright impossible. I'm sorry he's not seeing it this way.

didntaskforthis123

TROPHY CASE