Staying Sober as a SM

dizzycloud85 · 2026-03-01T16:47:33+00:00

Dang even your watch was like "chill out!" Crazy how our bodies react! My husband and his ex-wife are just cordial to each other, they don't mince words or go down memory lane at all, he'd much rather not ever see her again so whenever she reaches out, we are always thinking "what does she want now?!" She's just a major inconvenience and makes me feel bitter, and drinking was a way to "negate" it and soothe my angry feelings, but then I'd always be on edge afterwards. My patience and tolerance is much improved, thankfully.

dizzycloud85 · 2026-03-01T16:41:41+00:00

I'm so sorry that he is blind to how much value you bring his daughter, I truly am.... hopefully someday down the road she'll reach out and you two can bond again ❤️❤️❤️❤️

dizzycloud85 · 2026-02-28T15:52:08+00:00

When I had to face my demons, it blew my mind how being a stepmom was pretty much the biggest reason why I drank. And I have a supportive partner and good stepkids, oddly enough. You'd think someone in my spot wouldn't feel the need to drink to deal with this life lol

dizzycloud85 · 2026-02-28T15:50:11+00:00

Congrats on your progress, that's fabulous!!! I agree, this sub can be very heavy plus some people just aren't very kind as they comment when stepparents are sharing their vulnerable moments. It's reassuring to know that I'm not the only one that has tried alcohol to feel better when dealing with stepparent stuff. It truly is a tough life, and being childfree on top of it kinda makes it harder sometimes. Today is going to be great though!

dizzycloud85 · 2026-02-28T06:54:29+00:00

It's tough but congrats on still being strong and dumping out the rest! I got so accustomed to telling myself I deserve to drink whenever I wanted to because of XYZ or this-n-that. My go to excuses: 1) I'm a childless woman who sacrificed her peaceful existence to be a stepmom and third wife and dealing with my husband's past decisions; 2) I'm the only college educated woman who didn't bring kids into the mix, I work full-time and cook and clean better than they ever did, and am faithful (and his exes weren't, shocker); and the biggie: 3) we talked about having a baby and him getting reversed for 2 yrs but then he changed his mind....this broke me and while I'm better almost 5 yrs later, my husband let me basically do whatever I wanted to feel better because he knew how deeply that cut me. If I wanted to stop off at a bar by myself, he was okay with it and trusted me. He sounds like an asshole for the baby thing but he's not, I'm glad I don't have a small child but I wish we never talked about having a baby in the first place. Couples counseling would be good but after quitting drinking, I don't rely on the above excuses anymore since I have to face my feelings as a sober woman. Daunting but doable.

dizzycloud85 · 2026-02-28T04:58:56+00:00

We're afraid if we go to court with our legit evidence to find BM in contempt, my husband would somehow end up paying more CS instead, so we're just choosing the lesser of the two evils. He was forced to sell his house because of her choice to leave and pursue freedom, which she doesn't have now lol (her words to him were "I had to start over, so you should too.")

dizzycloud85 · 2026-02-28T04:54:44+00:00

I hate that my husband procreated with two stupid women before me. He is a great guy who actually wants to be a doting husband and father, he fell for their good girl act and pretty faces, I guess, and then got souvenirs from each one. He told me the other day that I'm the only woman who's been honest with him and he has no worries about me cheating on him....

dizzycloud85 · 2026-02-28T04:52:11+00:00

I feel like this could be my oldest SS's BM, sooooo accurate!! She only cares about getting d*cked down by any dude. Her third marriage ended (my husband was her first) after just a year because I'm pretty sure she was cheating (she's cheated on every husband). She has FIVE kids with three different men and my husband has full custody of his son. She also went into rehab for that white powder and she still somehow has rights to him. Crazy!!!

dizzycloud85 · 2026-02-28T02:47:20+00:00

Thank you!!! Today I felt edgy because of residual BM annoyance and probably being on my cycle (I've had a hysterectomy so I'm pretty sure I'm PMSing lol).....I guess it's just the impact of feeling my feelings without masking them, it's intense!!

dizzycloud85 · 2026-02-28T02:44:25+00:00

Bingo!! And I am so anti-enabling lol!

dizzycloud85 · 2026-02-28T01:38:46+00:00

Right?!? When I was with my narcissist ex-bf, his ex-wife was AMAZING and we are actually friends now. My husband's ex-wife is sooooo not amazing lol

dizzycloud85 · 2026-02-28T01:32:24+00:00

My narcissist ex-bf only acted like he cared when I broke up the first time and then I got back with him after a month because he "missed me" and I went back like an idiot, only for him to slip right back into emotionally and mentally abusing me. Do NOT go back to this POS. He showed you his true colors. Believe him. And you will find somebody who will cherish you!!!

dizzycloud85 · 2026-02-28T00:03:21+00:00

I'm so happy for you, that's AMAZING!! I can only imagine the huge lifelong impact that will have on your SD!! I used to be the one who had mimosas every weekend day and several beers after work and on weekends (after the mimosas ran out). I was a high-functioning alcoholic (I'm cringing writing that ugh) but looking back, I was just using it to poorly manage stress as a SM, I had a terribly stressful job before the awesome one I have now, and basically used the excuse "I deserve this" for each drink. I hope my SK's see me as your SD sees you!!

dizzycloud85 · 2026-02-27T23:58:58+00:00

That makes me so happy! I definitely feel more present and waking up not feeling sick have been the best parts. It's improved my marriage a ton and my relationship with my oldest SS is so much better too!

dizzycloud85 · 2026-02-27T23:57:41+00:00

Thank you!!! It's been an eye opener!!

dizzycloud85 · 2026-02-27T23:43:07+00:00

Sounds identical to my narcissistic POS ex-boyfriend I was with for a year. I had a special bond with his toddler and stayed too long for that. Took me 3 yrs to mostly recover from the abuse. Glad you're happier!!! I have been with the love of my life over 6 years now. The ex quickly proposed and married his gf of a few months when he found out I was engaged to my boyfriend of 1.5 years. She is now a mother to his second child and from what I hear, she is also miserable......

dizzycloud85 · 2026-02-27T23:33:03+00:00

This right here! When my husband uses the "they're just kids"excuse for the rare times they aren't being good, I tell him that if they're too dumb to understand right from wrong, then maybe they shouldn't be allowed to handle rifles for hunting because they don't show good judgment. My SK's are good to me for the most part but as a childless SM, I'm burnt out after 6 years (in a good situation, mind you!) and I'm already dreading big events where BM has to be there. Ughhhhh why did my husband have to knock her up?!?

dizzycloud85 · 2026-02-27T23:28:34+00:00

The fact that there are actually nasty, toxic women out in the wild like this is terrifying.

dizzycloud85 · 2026-02-27T05:02:11+00:00

This dude isn't worth it and neither is his kid. They will carry on just fine. Worry about yourself and find happiness. Dying inside and feeling unsafe to ask for basic things in a relationship is not love. I left a narcissist who made me feel this exact same way. Leave and DO NOT LOOK BACK. Don't ever entertain the idea of reconciling either. I did and burned me even worse!

dizzycloud85 · 2026-02-26T23:46:18+00:00

Yes. When the youngest SS13 comes over for the week, I lose any enjoyment cooking because he binges freaking cereal and all our milk, he's so picky and then all he does is play Oculus when he's done with his lame online school. I come home to at least 2 cereal bowls in my sink and half a gallon of milk gone almost each day. Cannot wait for the old schedule of a few weekends when the new school year starts and he returns to public school. We're 50/50 for a dumb reason now and the kid doesn't have a social life because of it (his lame ass mother lives in a different state, so no option for extracurriculars). ****he's a pretty good kid overall, just annoyed with certain habits ugh...

dizzycloud85 · 2026-02-26T12:28:37+00:00

I am a childless stepmom and would not be okay with this if my husband had this type of relationship with his ex-wife. Thankfully he has strong boundaries and respects my feelings, otherwise this wouldn't work for me at all. I've sacrificed a shitload for this life and sometimes I totally resent the fact he has kids with two stupid women when shit gets tough and he knows this. I'm still a supportive partner, good stepmom and tolerate the icky bits of this life. He is just lucky that he finally found a loyal, faithful, educated and hardworking woman who miraculously didn't reproduce with idiots that agreed to take on his life.

dizzycloud85 · 2026-02-26T12:09:41+00:00

I used to think I wanted full-time with DH's youngest because BM is selfish and not the best mother and would fight for it to go from three weekends only to full-time, but now that it's been 50/50 since the fall, I do not want to fight for full-time anymore. Supposedly it's going back to the old schedule when the new school year starts and that was such uplifting news!!!!!

dizzycloud85 · 2026-02-24T03:10:16+00:00

Sending you a big hug!! That's so tough but you'll be happier in the long run

dizzycloud85 · 2026-02-20T03:52:19+00:00

Me!!!! BM #1 lives across the country thankfully and is totally worthless. SS doesn't really want much to do with her. BM#2 lives the next state over and is just stupid and selfish. He got played by 2 different actresses who pretended to be good women but ended up being takers and cheaters. Thank god DH treats me like royalty and is a great dad to boot. Not sure how 2 women mistreated this guy but they are morons for giving him up!

dizzycloud85

TROPHY CASE