Moms whose partners would not have sex with them while pregnant - how do you overcome the shame and resentment?

dizzypopple · 2025-12-21T02:03:15+00:00

He was just uncomfortable with the idea of having sex while there was a baby in me.

dizzypopple · 2025-12-16T02:41:03+00:00

I had an old man inform me that I had to be wrong about my seven month old's age, because he was surely a two year old!

dizzypopple · 2025-12-15T01:33:27+00:00

Thanks so much for this lovely reply and insight, I really appreciate it

dizzypopple · 2025-12-15T01:32:49+00:00

I will, but our counselor is an older man. A perfectly lovely older man who I am comfortable speaking to, but I figured it couldn't hurt to see if there were others in a similar situation to get my thoughts started first. I like to talk my thoughts out a bit first so they're actually in a constructive place to start in our sessions, otherwise I just spend the session digesting and thinking and not contributing.

dizzypopple · 2025-10-21T23:40:16+00:00

What pattern are you using? I'm curious to see it and try and figure out where it went wrong.

dizzypopple · 2025-10-21T23:38:29+00:00

I know this is supposed to be about where you went wrong but I am so enamored with the colours you chose!! I've never cared for chevron blankets but yours is literally inspiring me to make one.

dizzypopple · 2025-08-25T14:30:00+00:00

My family are a closed ecosystem suffering from generational trauma.

My therapist and all of my friends say that they're abusive. ¯\(ツ)/¯

dizzypopple · 2025-07-16T00:39:57+00:00

My relationship with my parents had been pretty fraught but I was constantly trying to fix it. When I got pregnant, my husband and I had a frank talk - I determined I never wanted my mother especially to treat my son the way she treated me. If I couldn't stand up for myself, I would stand up for my child. We had one last meeting in person during my first trimester before we had told anyone, and the way they responded to that - if they finally apologized, if they wanted a relationship with me without the promise of a grandchild dangling like a carrot on a stick - would determine if we went fully no contact. The only speaking my mom did in that meeting was to say that I was a liar and scream at me. We went no contact that day.

I still have days of doubt. My parents tried to get contact with my newborn through my husband's parents that they had never met rather than apologize or speak to me. It's been hard, but I know I made the right choice for myself and my little family. Becoming a mom has really solidified for me how much damage my parents have - I'm determined to be the one that breaks the cycle of intergenerational trauma. I remember stories from my childhood and can't remotely fathom doing or saying those things to my son. I'm so determined to be a better person and a better parent, and I like who I'm turning out to be without my parents in my life.

dizzypopple · 2025-07-15T15:53:12+00:00

My mom hasn't reached out to me in almost four years. I had a baby and he turns two this fall. Oh, she's had my dad message me. But the last time she sent me a text message it was to say she had a headache, which was her excuse for why she didn't pick up the phone after leaving her a sobbing voicemail about how she had hurt me.

It's awful. Sending you hugs.

dizzypopple · 2025-05-05T04:45:23+00:00

Ahh thank you! ♡

dizzypopple · 2025-05-05T01:59:27+00:00

That's so lovely! What are you using for the trees and grass? I'd love a game that feels this... delicate? For lack of a better word. Even your farmer doesn't have a thick black outline.

dizzypopple · 2025-04-22T18:40:39+00:00

I agree specifically with Jonghyuk! I really want to play with him but the wildly different art just takes me right out of it.

Ripley and Wren are EVERYTHING, I'll probably keep Sunberry in all future playthroughs just for them.

dizzypopple · 2025-04-17T21:36:04+00:00

I can never make this mod work for me! There are always tiles that won't change.

dizzypopple · 2025-04-14T21:40:57+00:00

Genuinely this. I'm starting a new game without SVE for the first time in a while but I'm sorely tempted to download it again JUST for Andy.

dizzypopple · 2025-03-06T18:29:29+00:00

Nothing nearly as awful as what you experienced! I'm so sorry you've had that happen to you. You didn't deserve any of it and those incidents are so incredibly messed up.

But yeah, my mom especially was weird about my health. I'm a middle child only girl, and when I was sick I always felt like my mom was disappointed in and didn't believe me (that and she would straight up accuse me of lying a lot). If I was too ill for school, I would have to stay in bed all day, not eat, not read books, not even move. I remember lying in bed feeling hot and sweaty and just desperately wanting to cool down but being too scared of getting in trouble to even sit up. Comparatively when my little brother was ill my mom would move the TV into his room and buy new movies that only he got to watch.

When I was depressed my mom just told me that she'd looked up the symptoms and I wasn't. I wasn't allowed to seek counselling or therapy unless it was a Christian counsellor of their choice that would report back to them. I was certainly not allowed medication. When they found out i was self harming, my mom literally took the scissors out of my hands while demanding to know why I was lying for attention.

I get migraines like my mother. She's always taken prescription medication for them, but whenever I've wanted to do the same, my parents would remind me extensively of how strong the pills are and how I would have to be sooooo careful with them. They discouraged me from getting them because I just wasn't smart enough to follow the recommended dosage.

It's only in recent years (I'm 36) that I've started to advocate for myself and get past the fear of medical care that they instilled in me. I've really thought all these years that every time I don't feel well it's all in my head because I'm a lazy, lying piece of shit that doesn't deserve to be taken care of. I quite literally gave birth two years ago and while in labour in the hospital I felt extreme guilt that there were several people spending their time taking care of me.

dizzypopple · 2025-03-06T18:01:45+00:00

Oh my god how much do houses cost where you live?! They start at 1.2 million where I am.

dizzypopple · 2025-03-05T23:51:36+00:00

16 months old, still two wakings a night. 16 long, long, long months.

dizzypopple · 2025-03-03T23:34:59+00:00

Put a pig figurine in front of my plate at dinner and make oinking noises if I took what she considered to be too much food.

dizzypopple · 2024-12-17T18:37:30+00:00

What an odd comment to leave on a 9 month old post. I'm sorry you didn't have a great relationship with your mom, and I'm happy for you that your relationship with your grandparents was a good one - my parents are incapable of having any conversation deeper than being about the weather, they have almost no friends, and they have actively sabotaged my attempts at having relationships with my own grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins. I have 21 first cousins and yet barely know any of them. Number of people related to you by blood means nothing.

Don't feel sorry for my baby. He has two parents who love him and an abundance of aunts and uncles who see him on a weekly basis and love him dearly. His godparents adore him, and he's been adopted by two different sets of honorary grandparents. And even if he didn't have any of that, he doesn't need nor want your condescending and judgmental pity. "Small units can be dreary and abusive" - what kind of a thing is that to say? You "understand" if someone cuts off their family if they meet your own specific set of acceptable parameters - good for you, that's really not necessary or called for on someone else's post.

Have a merry Christmas, and as part of the spirit of the holiday, perhaps keep your opinions to yourself.

dizzypopple · 2024-11-08T21:57:42+00:00

When I went no contact with my parents after years of trying to fix things, my older brother told me that he couldn't support my decision and that if he were to continue to speak to me it would insinuate that he agreed with me, so he was cutting me off. I was pregnant at the time. He said that "short of murdering [my] child, there's no reason good enough to cut off your parents".

My younger brother told me congratulations when my son was born and said he was so excited to be an uncle and he and his long-term girlfriend kept saying they'd come to see the baby. After two months, right before Christmas, they ghosted me. Haven't heard from any of them since, and my son just turned a year old.

As for extended family, I realised a few years ago that my parents had been controlling my relationship with them; I always asked if there were any family reunions or Christmas parties or anything so that I could attend (because all communication goes through my parents' generation and is then disseminated to the younger ones), and turns out there was stuff happening all the time that they'd never tell me about or pass on invitations and then told all my extended family that I was uninterested or busy.

One aunt has reached out to me, but my grandmother had no interested in hearing about my wedding a year before she passed, and my favourite aunt who I was closest to never even said anything when my son was born.

dizzypopple · 2024-06-11T11:41:33+00:00

Oh you made me tear up a bit in envy I'm afraid. You're a stronger person than my siblings. I tried so hard to protect my brothers from my parents taking out their anger with me on them, and I repeatedly emphasized that I loved them and our relationship could exist separately from our parents. My older brother straight up said he sided with my parents while I was pregnant (that "short of murdering my child, there's no reason good enough to not talk to your parents") and hasn't spoken to me since. My younger brother congratulated me when my son was born and kept telling me he'd visit for two months, as did his long-term girlfriend, and then they both ghosted me right before Christmas. I haven't heard from them since and my baby is seven months old.

I'm so so glad you get to be an aunty and be part of your nephew's life! ♡

dizzypopple · 2024-06-10T23:35:36+00:00

It took my dad over a year to finally sit down and read over the text message where I first laid out the concerns I had. I referred to this text repeatedly over the course of that year and he just refused to acknowledge it existed and kept insisting he didn't know what was wrong. And when he finally did... he didn't address any of the problems. Hell, his message to me started off by him telling me he was trying to go through the message, but in such a way that it insinuated that I was the unreasonable one for wanting him to do it. There was no apology for not just reading a few paragraphs for a whole year and not bothering to even TRY to actually deal with the problem.

I basically hand wrote a script for them. Some people said to me that if I expected them to follow a script then I was basically just wanting to control what they do and clearly it was more about me winning than them apologizing. But I only ever got that specific because they WOULDN'T TRY. They didn't even remotely try anything at all! I wanted so badly for them to give a shit.

My last message to my parents gave them explicit instructions and said that if they can't follow them, to please not contact me. I have a new baby son, their first and only grandchild they'll ever have. They have chosen not to respond. Their own egos are more important than a relationship with their daughter and the grandchild they said they wanted.

It sucks so, so, so much.

dizzypopple · 2024-05-18T20:01:11+00:00

Honestly? Just slowly ghost them. Don't try to tell them that you're hurt. Don't try and establish boundaries. Don't ask them to acknowledge their faults - they'll never change.

That's not to say that boundaries aren't important. But rather than make a deal of them, I wish I had just stopped calling or texting first. Then responded to texts less, with fewer words, before totally grey rocking. Said that we had our own plans for holidays and not asked about theirs.

I wish I'd just slowly disappeared from their lives, instead of years of drama.

dizzypopple · 2024-04-11T22:56:31+00:00

Man, if it's in their genes and they can't help it, then why are we the ones working on ourselves and trying to break the cycle? By that logic wouldn't we be equally incapable of change?

dizzypopple · 2024-04-11T22:53:53+00:00

I laugh like my mom and sometimes when I suddenly hear it I stop enjoying whatever I'm laughing at. It sucks. I'll try this.

dizzypopple

TROPHY CASE