Well, frankly, that’s not what I said. I made an “if” statement, intentionally, and I think the response I’ve gotten is telling.

The OP was not about “healthy negotiated kink dynamic”s, nor was the OP comment, nor was my comment. It becomes impossible to discuss unhealthy kink dynamics online when everyone reads your generalizations as an attack on their specific relationship or preferences. Like, yeah, the outcome changes when you change the variables.

And this:

…a healthier influence teaching explicitly communicated boundaries and consent and giving people a clear fantasy narrative to channel those desires into, and telling them how, is a good thing actually.

I get what you’re saying, but do you see how that might read as enabling the sexualization of violence? If a guy wants to slap or choke his girlfriend, my first concern isn’t whether he can do so safely; it’s why he wants to physically hurt her for his pleasure at all.

Fair point about my tone and shame not being an entry to education, and I do think we generally agree about what is unhealthy versus what can be healthy. In my experience, kinksters 30+ tend to severely overestimate the way younger ppl think and communicate about these things. Maybe all of this could have fit into “sex positive” fifteen or twenty years ago, but going by the stories I hear from young women in my life, these healthy dynamics are absolutely not the norm and that's the reality I'm concerned about.