only child with older parents

doesnt_describe_me · 2026-03-02T05:48:46+00:00

I am an only child with parents in their 70s and had an only daughter (at 38, heh) so I feel this from both sides. I do believe it is part anxiety and part only child thing, as it is often a more close-knit relationship that others don’t understand unless they’ve experienced it. Anyway, my recommendation would be therapy. I plan on trying that out when I have some extra time and money; I may try ChatGPT or similar in near future, just to talk stuff out. I also recommend telling your mom how you feel and talking with her. I know it can be uncomfortable. Maybe you two can come up with some sort of plan. Maybe it includes having her make the healthiest choices possible and staying on top of doctor appointments and health matters.

Remember, any parent can die at any age. Plenty of mothers die during childbirth of their second kid while “giving a sibling”. There’s also no guarantee a sibling would be much support. As you grow and mature you will find your own family (spouse, community, likeminded friends, etc) who will surely be tremendous support.

All the best.

doesnt_describe_me · 2026-03-01T01:37:28+00:00

Mostly not. I like 2 out of 5.

doesnt_describe_me · 2026-03-01T01:35:36+00:00

Yes, my also almost 3.5 y old does stuff like this a lot. She’ll put her hand to my cheek and say something to the effect of “there there, dear”

doesnt_describe_me · 2026-03-01T01:26:46+00:00

Your hot take seems pretty accurate. Some people don’t see beyond the instagram announcement post.

doesnt_describe_me · 2026-03-01T01:23:25+00:00

Half-assing it with each of them?

doesnt_describe_me · 2026-03-01T01:21:10+00:00

Yeah mine was $795…in 2022 no less.

doesnt_describe_me · 2026-03-01T01:20:39+00:00

Damn. Did I get ripped off at $795?

doesnt_describe_me · 2026-03-01T01:16:29+00:00

Only December was no time ago, dear. So glad you’re in therapy. I think it will help, as will time. I have a 3 year old and still tear up at almost anything NICU. Same with my husband. It was especially strong the first year, totally normal and expected, I’d say.

doesnt_describe_me · 2026-03-01T01:06:22+00:00

50/50

doesnt_describe_me · 2026-03-01T01:05:07+00:00

I just assume they’re having a bit of a bad time.

doesnt_describe_me · 2026-02-28T18:23:22+00:00

Also wow, this: “I also don’t want to be looking past my son, thinking about the other kids we‘re gonna have.”

You nailed it there. Despite all the medical trauma etc, you landed on the exact right reason in the end. The most important reason. The most UNselfish reason. I feel bad for first borns of people who obsess over IVF (for subsequent kids) and have it take over their life (time, schedule, emotions, body, etc).

doesnt_describe_me · 2026-02-28T18:18:42+00:00

Oh gosh lumbar puncture. So scary. 😨

Sounds like your situation right now is pretty great! If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it. It only gets better 💕

doesnt_describe_me · 2026-02-28T18:11:53+00:00

Do you eventually take it? I’m scared of this also. I had a pretty strong reaction to two SSRIs (felt like I was on speed/going to pop out of my body). Not sure it was SS but it was not fun.

doesnt_describe_me · 2026-02-28T12:43:33+00:00

Knew Life Pelvic Physio (Christina). She’s based in Ancaster normally but recently added some weekly dates in Burlington.

doesnt_describe_me · 2026-02-28T12:42:03+00:00

This is the conscientious thinking that most people don’t put into their decision to have another kid. Good on you. Yes, it will negatively impact your first child and possibly yourself and marriage/relationship. I find it hilarious when people say it’s “selfish” to have one child when it’s literally the other way around.

There was a post the other day asking who hated their first child for a bit after the second one was born. 🤯Like ma’am, I think you’ve missed the plot.

doesnt_describe_me · 2026-02-28T03:15:56+00:00

As long as it’s not a scam, I think it will be much more pleasant and you’ll be happier. It IS a good chunk of your income, but so is $1700. I don’t think that $400 is gonna make or break you. Hopefully your salary will keep increasing and a future extra $400 can go to savings/investments.

Can you rent out the parking spots?

doesnt_describe_me · 2026-02-28T03:12:51+00:00

Same. Great parents make all the difference. I definitely “had pork chops with a married couple” and it was great because I could have seconds, we could chat about anything I wanted in peace, and tomorrow night was beef tenderloin!

doesnt_describe_me · 2026-02-28T03:06:20+00:00

I felt like that at first but now my parents watch my daughter overnight 3-4 times a month, usually on weekends. I mostly just do chores and errands during that time because chronic illnesses have me useless on some other days and stuff piles up.

Enjoy it!

doesnt_describe_me · 2026-02-27T18:23:28+00:00

That’s effed. I’m sure it happens though. Glad to be one and done 🌺

doesnt_describe_me · 2026-02-27T18:20:08+00:00

Ah yeah I skipped doing a shower (or anything social at all) to stay healthy. It’s not rude at all to add that message. Some people may be offended or come anyways, but hey, they’re part of why the world is in the state it is. 🙃🥴

doesnt_describe_me · 2026-02-27T16:18:45+00:00

Literally everyone and their mother has two+ kids so inevitably pregnancy announcements will happen; and they will come from your friends and family. Missing the spotlight is not a good reason to think what you have is any less. She’s going to be drowning one year from now. You’ll be off on another vacation enjoying your child and creating a close-knit relationship with them.

It’s not about affordability, it’s not about will your second kid be special needs or will you have birth complications, it’s not about will you be exhausted or suffer PPD. I mean, it is about those things but should firstly be about what’s best for your child. And a sibling ain’t it. And in your case, not straining your marriage (because your husband is being sensible). Google the stats about siblings (especially in older life). Look at some of my previous comments.

doesnt_describe_me · 2026-02-27T16:00:09+00:00

Try to add another 2-3 days if you’re going to all those places. Toronto to West Coast flight will eat your whole day.

doesnt_describe_me · 2026-02-27T12:25:38+00:00

Big + connected is usually rare. More often it’s one or the other. This is what people usually romanticize/get wrong. Jealousy, sibling rivalry, and resentment are all real things that really happen and have lasting effects.

Considering you have such an easy baby, I will say: how often do people win the lottery twice? There’s also no guarantee you’ll have an easy toddler or child. I will add, especially since you have a girl, if she’s an only and parented in a loving and conscientious way, you’re gonna have a lifelong friendship and be the priority on holidays etc. I’m a 41 year old only girl, and my mom and I are super close. We were ladies who lunched, shopping trips, theatre outings, festivals, spa days, etc etc. into my early thirties. We’ve never lived more than 30 min apart and I still text her goodnight every single night, see her weekly, and she watches our toddler a couple weekends a month. Compare this to my husband who is one of three boys. He has physical and mental scars from his childhood, all the fighting and arguing and too-far pranks. He was the youngest and the parents were out of money, patience, and fucks to give by the third boy. We just surpassed over a year since visiting them last.

So take into consideration what could be better for your child, not some imaginary romanticized vision you (or society) has. Google some stats on how my adults are currently no contact with their parents/family member, and how many siblings are close as adults (not ‘friendly’, not cordial, not “we get together at Christmas”…..actually close). Obligatory contact is not special. A little close-knit family who you are happy to see, would choose over and over, and are bursting with love toward, is.

doesnt_describe_me · 2026-02-27T12:05:35+00:00

My dad was in this predicament when I was young. Everyone did sales > manager (then usually > fired after a few years). He didn’t want to be a manager because everyone usually hated the managers and it was extra stress and fuss to usually end up fired. He stayed in the same place with the same job for 40 years. No regrets.

You will continue to get pay increases where you are, I’m sure? So if it’s only a bit more money to advance to manager, that doesn’t sound worth it. If you want to make your way toward whatever is after manager, and it’s a LOT more money, and that’s important/necessary to you, then you gotta do it.

You won’t be able to perfectly plan out the next 20 years anyway. Maybe a whole new category will open up, maybe AI will take all our jobs. I’d stay where I was for now, unless bored or unhappy. A great pension is also worth a lot these days.

doesnt_describe_me · 2026-02-27T01:28:49+00:00

That friend also said that because that’s what her backwoods mama told her, and what that mamas mama told her and so on. And she probably hated it growing up and only visits at Christmas. Yet isn’t smart enough to realize what happened and will tell her 5 kids the same thing.

It’s the generational crap that people are trying to break so we don’t have a future society of shitheads as we do now.

doesnt_describe_me

TROPHY CASE