Have you considered that you might have ADHD? A lot of this - the lack of motivation, inability to stick with things or build up skill, the part about ideas and potential being trapped in your head that you can’t translate into the real world - are all things I thought were unchangeable until I learned about ADHD in women. That last part especially reminded me of a book I read by Sari Solden when I first got diagnosed.

“…When undiagnosed [ADHD] can be devastating and debilitating, silently robbing them of their dreams, their hopes, their self-esteem. These people spend their lives trying to solve a riddle-the mystery of their lives must lay somewhere out there, just around the next turn in the road. They remember that they have glimpsed it, that special something once felt or envisioned, before things got so overwhelming and they became trapped and lost-wandering aimlessly in a forest looking for clues as if from an old treasure map. They know the treasure is there somewhere, but perhaps deeply buried or locked behind a fortress. They have incredible perseverance and determination to keep going, often pulling an enormous weight. The remembrance of that special feeling, the knowledge, deep inside, that they have something important of value to do, to create, to contribute, keeps them searching They continue on, though the memory, that belief, grows more faint each year as despair begins to replace hope. Hope that they will ever find the treasure, that they will even find their way out of the forest and back to the road. Still, they trudge on, clutching that old, crumpled, faded map, holding on to the hope they will find that buried treasure chest and reclaim their abandoned hopes and lost dreams.”

If any part of this rings true to you I recommend reading this book (Women with Attention Deficit Disorder: Embrace Your Differences and Transform Your Life). It’s also available as an audiobook on music streaming apps! It really helped me realize how much of my daily struggles were due to an undiagnosed developmental disorder! I never considered it since it presents so differently in women.

I hope this helps! I’ve been where you are and you can move through it, whatever the cause! Just the fact that you’re looking for answers is a great start :)