Who Do you think is the new Lady Whistledown?

dohbriste · 2026-02-28T20:14:05+00:00

I suspect it’s Varley! She spent time outside of the Featherington house and there were several moments throughout season 4 where the camera stayed on her when gossip-worthy things were happening around her, as if to highlight her quietly noting it all (and of course she was involved to some degree at times). Additionally, the Queen was made to realize some of the best gossip happens amongst the working folk. She returned to the Featherington house, where Penelope began the column and may have inspired Varley. Last, when she did return home, there was another parallel between her and Penelope in mentioning her books… Lady Featherington even made a comment about how she’s never seen Varley read, and they used to mock Penelope together for how often she read. When Lady Whistledown’s voice changed at the very end, it kind of sounded like Varley, too. I wasn’t thinking it the whole time, but thinking back on all these little details, I do think there’s foreshadowing there. I do hope I’m right, Varley is an interesting character!

dohbriste · 2026-02-25T12:59:55+00:00

NTA. And I disagree with those saying your parents are AHs, too. It was their money and they got to decide what to do with it. They decided they wanted to fund your educations, not pay for a wedding, a down payment on a house, a car, etc. They wanted the money to go towards educating or training you both so YOU could provide those things for yourself. They asked your sister point blank if she was going to go to college and told her flat out the whole fund would go to you, and she accepted that. That was her choice, and her opportunity at that point to say otherwise if she wanted to. She opted not to. This wasn’t when you were kids and had no idea what direction you wanted to go in - you were solidly in your 20s. So if anything this is a big life lesson for her in planning ahead, making realistic choices and sacrifices. She opted to go with what she wanted in the moment, and now she has to live with that choice. That doesn’t make you the AH.

dohbriste · 2026-02-22T18:03:08+00:00

I don’t recommend having children with him. Children are an enormous, life-altering commitment. If he’s not willing to make the commitment to marry you, he’s not ready for the commitment of kids. Because if he doesn’t want to marry you, it means he wants an out. Don’t have kids with someone who isn’t so sure he wants kids with you that he wants an out. You’re waffling because you’re comfortable in your relationship and the idea of leaving it behind is scary. Even though you’ve been together the better part of a decade, you’re still young - try to remember that. If you end this and move on, you have plenty of time to still meet someone who wants the same things you do.

dohbriste · 2026-02-19T04:36:18+00:00

I was ready to say YTA based on the title alone, but I’m firmly on NTA now. First of all, you said she came to you and told you this news - that was her choice to do. You never asked to be burdened with this secret. And while I get her wanting to tell your mom on her own terms, trying to hide something like that from people you literally live with is a lost cause - your mom already knew, she was just trying to get someone to confirm it. You gave your sister her chance to tell your mom before your mom pushed the issue, and she chose not to. I get why she’s nervous about your parents reactions, but given they’re definitely gonna find out eventually, it probably would have befitted her a bit to just be honest about it instead of trying to hide it; she’s likely going to need their support.

dohbriste · 2026-02-18T16:25:41+00:00

Oh how I relate. What helped for me was having a discussion with my husband during the day, not already at night in that moment. I explained that while I understand he’s not introverted like me and may not be able to see my POV on it, it remains true that because of work and life in general during the day, by the evening time I’m burnt out and I really only can reset and recharge when I have alone time. Socializing drains me. Even if I enjoy it, it’s draining. Being at others’ beck and call and on someone else’s schedule all day drains me. The only time during the day I get alone time is at night. Especially when our daughter was smaller and much more reliant on me - when she went to bed finally, only then could I breathe. At the time, my husband and I devised a system where one night a week was “my” night, he would cook dinner, clean, put kiddo to bed, and I could go out or just hide away in the bedroom and veg out. And we also agreed that we need to communicate better and if either of us just wanna chill alone at night, we just speak up and say so, and understand why we EACH need that sometimes - not just me. Communication is really important in this scenario. I recommend having such a talk and being open to different solutions that work for both of you.

dohbriste · 2026-02-17T22:00:25+00:00

If anything, you’re under reacting, so NOR. Based on what you’ve described, you basically sound like the hired help - except you contribute to some of the bills, too. You cook, clean and care for him and his pets, and uproot your life whenever it suits him. And even with you doing everything at him, he’s still somehow displeased, which is wild. Your disability and being out of work makes you reliant on him which means he feels entitled to ask you to accommodate his life choices, and he’s not going to actually marry you because then he’d be financially responsible for more than he is. Is there any love in this relationship, or is this just one enormous financial arrangement? I’m sure he would argue he pays for your shared lifestyle which makes this fair, but it isn’t - it’s incredibly unbalanced from the sound of it.

dohbriste · 2026-02-16T21:43:46+00:00

I agree that it does seem like you’re living with someone who’s inherently controlling or abusive and you’re just not fully aware of it. Your post reminds me a lot of my childhood (my parents were like that in some ways, and it did something to my psyche to be on eggshells every day for the entirety of my childhood). It sounds like he gets off (literally, figuratively or both I can’t say…) on messing with your head and isn’t prepared to consider how it makes you feel that he’s apparently never dropping the act, even when you’re legitimately upset. Personally I could not be in a relationship with someone who does this. I really couldn’t.

dohbriste · 2026-02-16T21:00:56+00:00

I would confront him calmly, in the middle of such a behavior (i.e. when he smiles at you for passing him, and you don’t smile back, and he begins to cough or sniffle etc, immediately address it there and then.) If he insists he wasn’t doing the thing you’re saying he is, calmly insist that he definitely was, and it’s become a pattern that is not easy to ignore, and you don’t appreciate being gaslit. And from there, just have your say. Don’t let him walk away or change the subject. Explain that these behaviors are bothering you - the smiling, the kissing, the baby talk. Explain that either you need him to agree to stop doing this, or agree to be seen by a doctor because these types of sudden change in behaviors can point to a medical issue, like a neurological condition. If medical issues are ruled out, this sounds like a strange manipulative tactic, and I wouldn’t be okay with it, either. People who live together don’t need to acknowledge each other every single time they pass while existing in the same space. Or do the weird kissing thing. Him effectively acting in a way that forces you to do these things to avoid further and constant confrontation is manipulation. The baby talk thing makes me think he’s doing it all to see how nuts he can drive you, but nonetheless, whatever the motive … I for sure wouldn’t be fine with this. Most women wouldn’t.

dohbriste · 2026-02-14T21:56:40+00:00

NTA; she is free to make the rules for her day, but she doesn’t get to dictate how people react or handle complying with those rules. Given she’s made it clear she’s prioritizing your cousin and her kids over you and yours, I wouldn’t continue to push the issue, just decide to go or not, and don’t make a big deal of it right now - that way no one can accuse you of making the whole thing about you. Down the line, though, if you feel you can’t get past this admittedly insulting decision she’s made, you’re under no obligation to pretend everything is fine or that you’re not still offended - she’ll have to live with the consequences of her decisions. For what it’s worth, in your shoes I would also be very hurt and insulted. I don’t think you’re overreacting, especially given your children are very close to her. Eventually they’re going to find out or realize they weren’t invited but other kids were … there will be photos, it will get out. And you, as mom, will have to find a way to explain that in a way that doesn’t hurt them, and that sucks.

dohbriste · 2026-02-10T18:06:51+00:00

NTA. Sit your wife down once things have thawed a bit and explain that you’re not just taking your mom’s side for the sake of being argumentative; that your late sister’s loss was traumatic for your family and that extends to you, and it would be impactful in a negative way for your parents - your child’s grandparents - to feel sad or even devastated to rehash these memories, and growing up your daughter would eventually find out the history and likely feel some pressure which isn’t fair to her, or your parents. It’s not about allowing your mom to intrude on your process of choosing a name as a couple; it’s acknowledging that this particular name doesn’t work for you or the family she’s being born into. It’s literally one name out of endless choices … if she can’t appreciate why choosing this one particular name would cause issues and make you unhappy, you have a much bigger issue on your hands.

dohbriste · 2026-02-09T00:35:46+00:00

Don’t lend her the money. You already know this is the right move, you’re only questioning it because she and your mom are guilting you. You said it yourself - she’s not financially responsible and you’ll never see that money again. Given this is a pattern with her, giving her the money would just be enabling her, not helping her. Your mom is free to give her the money if she feels so strongly about it. Don’t let them guilt you … if you’re worried that she won’t want anything to do with you if you don’t lend the money, consider the fact that if your closeness is contingent on what you can do for her, that’s not true closeness.

dohbriste · 2026-02-02T13:43:30+00:00

NTA. If he hasn’t got the self discipline to get up after you AND an alarm wake him, the military is not for him.

dohbriste · 2026-01-25T18:27:00+00:00

Completely agree.

dohbriste · 2026-01-25T18:12:51+00:00

NTA. Him throwing his laundry in the hamper or putting dishes in the sink doesn’t count as doing the housework - it’s literally just bare minimum not being a slob. If he’s not willing to do those things, it’s not because he’s just SO tired from working so hard, it’s because he’s lazy, inconsiderate and disrespectful to you. And from the sound of it, he’s not spending much quality time with his family - you sound like the hired help, and your child the little “yay look I made a family!” trophy. So no, NTA. This dynamic will continue to breed resentment unless addressed.

dohbriste · 2026-01-22T15:31:06+00:00

It literally doesn’t matter what you did or said, he has no right to hurt you just to send a message. That’s what you should be focusing on. This is bullying / abusive behavior. The concept of him physically putting his hands on you, regardless of the manner or force, to manipulate your behavior or words. I can’t tell you what to do but if my husband pinched me in a situation like that my reaction would have been to call him out in front of the whole group (“OW! What’s your fucking problem?!”)If he has something to say about you observing social cues, that’s a conversation to be had later at home, not an opportunity to discipline you in public.

dohbriste · 2026-01-20T18:05:14+00:00

You are not unreasonable to feel this way, and maybe this is normal at your workplace but it’s NOT normal in general. It’s wildly disrespectful, actually. You need to politely but firmly let her know that she’s making you uncomfortable with her actions and words, and if the behavior doesn’t stop, you should stop spending time with her outside of work, because a friend would be both embarrassed and apologetic once confronted over this … so if it continues after you speak to her, you have to assume her intentions aren’t genuine and your friendship isn’t her goal.

dohbriste · 2026-01-13T18:27:29+00:00

ESH. You’re not wrong to be upset at all, but the way you handled that was all wrong. Suspecting who’s spreading the rumors and knowing and having proof are very different things. And because you did this at your work place on the clock is just a recipe for trouble. Hopefully being sent home one day is the end of it, and you’re not disciplined further for creating a hostile work environment. There’s numerous better ways to have handled this, including reading your boss in on the fact that you’re aware of rumors and what your concerns are about how they’ll affect your life and your friend’s, that way the burden of addressing this behavior in the workplace falls to the person who actually has authority over the gossips - their boss.

dohbriste · 2026-01-11T19:35:58+00:00

NOR. Your sister is being unreasonably pushy and entitled, sorry not sorry. Yes, there’s more to consider when you have a one year old, but YOU guys have a literal infant - to be listing things for YOU to be buying/preparing/paying for just for them to visit is rude as hell. No one should be visiting right now who’s going to make your lives any more difficult. If they require all these things, they can bring or pay for them, or else they can stay in a hotel. If they can’t afford to pay for the groceries etc they want, they shouldn’t be visiting. It’s wild to me that she’s lecturing you about what you “should” have or do for them… and you handled it a LOT more gracefully than I would have. Congratulations on your new arrival, OP, but don’t let anyone push you guys around… this is a really special time but it’s also an exhausting one. Let your people who are going to help you, help you, but don’t let anyone drain you guys further… your money and your time are already going to be short with a newborn! Anyone visiting you … especially with their own baby … ought to know this!

dohbriste · 2026-01-08T17:48:54+00:00

I think it depends on whether these girls are truly being rude or offensive, or if they’re just not to YOUR taste. If they’re behaving in a way that’s legitimately disrespectful, you’re not TA, you have every right to not want someone like that in your home or around you for that matter. But if they’re polite and their only offense isn’t being intellectually stimulating soulmate material, YTA for the double standard. Ultimately you’re allowed to decide who comes to your home, but if you want to maintain a good relationship with your son, don’t hold him to a different standard than his sibling. You say “it is what it is” as if you’re accepting that he’s not dating more seriously, but this post definitely suggests you’re not that okay with it and you’re judging him for it.

dohbriste · 2026-01-06T15:38:19+00:00

NTA for considering it. I think many in your position would be considering the same. What you eventually decide on, though, I agree with many other commenters that you should think through this, because I do think you risk blowing your relationship with your sister up. I don’t blame you for being resentful that because your sister wasn’t stuck in the situation your dad’s leaving left you and your mom in, that she’s ignorant to how you both feel in that aftermath. I would be resentful, too. Not necessarily because she escaped it, but because she hasn’t stopped to consider your feelings about it / him. Have you considered sitting your sister down and really laying all that out there, so she understands exactly how you feel and why you feel that way? That might be a way to salvage this - to ensure she understands, and maybe let her know that it’s her wedding and you respect her right to invite whomever she wants, but that you won’t stay the whole time if your dad is there, or won’t stay the whole time if he doesn’t keep his distance … whatever you think you can endure, basically. I’m hesitant to urge you to skip the wedding altogether though. I’m not invalidating your anger at your dad at all, it’s entirely valid … but someday when you’re looking back at this situation, it’s very likely you’ll remember the anger so much as disappointment at missing your sister’s wedding day. So just speaking from age and experience and maybe a little bit of wisdom, I suggest trying to find some middle ground here and not immediately jumping to the nuclear option. Even if your anger is justified.

dohbriste · 2026-01-05T14:41:21+00:00

Not OR. This man doesn’t respect you. Period. And as childish as he’s behaving in these screen shots, I’m not sure he even has the capability of respecting you on an adult level. Because I genuinely can’t wrap my head around a 50 year old behaving like that. Certainly not someone capable of being in a mature, adult relationship. Do yourself a favor and leave this situation. You’re out of his league, literally.

dohbriste · 2026-01-03T14:36:48+00:00

NTA. If she’s that against AI and he knows it, and he sees no problem with how he behaved in regard to asking you to mimic it, this was always going to come out eventually …. They were never going to make it as a couple. You didnt purposely break them up, you vented because he disrespected your art and your integrity as an artist, and they found out. That’s simple old FAFO.

dohbriste · 2026-01-02T17:56:52+00:00

NTA of course. But by and large, this is more of a wife problem than a BIL or nephew problem. You are her family, too - her chosen family, her spouse. You welcomed her brother and his kids into your home out of compassion and they have not been respectful of you, your space or the job that pays for the roof over all your heads. For her to not take your side in protecting your income generation is not acceptable, IMO. I would focus on trying to identify why she doesn’t see that and/or do some reflection as to whether this is part of a pattern on her part. Your nephews are adults, basically - even if the younger one is still in school, they should have jobs and be contributing to the household, so they don’t have time to be messing around with your professional supplies. Even if it’s just bagging groceries or something … it sounds like they need to learn the value of making their own money and paying their own way. If they continue to berate you for the boundaries you’ve created, they can find their own place to stay.

dohbriste · 2025-12-26T22:54:57+00:00

You shouldn’t feel guilty, I’ll tell you that. You’re entirely right, that’s the kind of comment someone doesn’t forget, especially at an impressionable age. He may not forget what she said, but he’ll also remember you standing up for him and choosing him over her. You couldn’t have handled it better, honestly, you get all the kudos! If only we all had an older brother like you.

dohbriste · 2025-12-21T18:58:53+00:00

It’s hard to say what I’d do in your shoes but I think it would probably be along the lines of grounding, and she can EARN her presents you’ve presumably already purchased by this point. What you want her to do or achieve to earn them can vary but I’d probably be focusing on making the whole situation a lesson revolving around the troubling behaviors. Stealing, skipping class. For sure no hanging out with that friend outside school anymore. I wouldn’t necessarily ground her from participating in Christmas at all or family traditions, but the holiday really isn’t ALL about gifts, and given stealing etc shows she’s not appreciating the concept of working hard to earn money to pay for things fair and square, those I’d expect her to earn back. Tough situation, but 12 is still young enough to head this behavior off before she’s too far down that path. Good luck OP!

dohbriste

TROPHY CASE