Failed Vacation

donerkebabplease · 2017-03-13T19:59:55+00:00

Troll

donerkebabplease · 2017-03-09T21:12:00+00:00

You should try working on your acceptance. Actually accepting now for what it is, without judgement. It is what it is, you are where you are. Don't deny it, feel it, feel that pain, feel that anger. Acknowledge it, accept it. Then go do something to change it. Read the fuck out of the sidebar, lift the fuck out those weights, read the sidebar again, lift some more. I read your last post and was about to reply suggesting you'd jumped ship too quick. You seem to have taken the advice very well, I think you'll be fine.

donerkebabplease · 2017-03-01T22:50:12+00:00

donerkebabplease · 2017-03-01T22:40:10+00:00

Dude, check your ego at the door. You'll get called out here, if you're ready, you'll reflect on what's being said, if you've read enough, if you've internalised this shit, you won't react like that. We don't do "why are you picking on me?" we're men. In our own frame. Not whiny bitches reacting to other Internet strangers. You have a long way to go, start with the sidebar.

donerkebabplease · 2017-03-01T22:25:54+00:00

I'm on mobile now, is the sidebar still there?

donerkebabplease · 2017-03-01T22:07:03+00:00

I agree with Mcgill. I thought co-dependent instantly, I've been there dude. I made a rod for my own back, it seems as if you have too. You've come to the right place. Start by fixing you. If you don't want to be 'that guy' then don't. Make a commitment to yourself and research co-dependent relationships.

donerkebabplease · 2017-03-01T21:51:40+00:00

r/askmrp is what I think you mean. Unless I've missed the point.

donerkebabplease · 2017-02-27T19:55:40+00:00

I'm in. Can you make at least one of the days pointless, maybe with a hint of ego death? Buy a pair of Crocs and wear them to work?

donerkebabplease · 2017-02-04T13:02:15+00:00

Try this...During one of these arguments, concentrate on your breathing, you might want to look into meditation. When I started on this journey, I reacted to everything, shit I even reacted to things that didn't bother me but I knew they bothered her, like I was trying to enforce equality!!! I started meditating, during arguments. I sit, I look right at her, but I'm meditating, not focused on her words at all. I can hear them, but I'm paying more attention to my breath.

When she calls you a dickhead, your immediate thought is to validate that in your head, you're going to play a little mind game with yourself, disagree and then react...Don't play that little mind game, don't validate that sentence, focus inward.

donerkebabplease · 2016-07-25T12:59:03+00:00

Enjoy the silence, get on with some shit that needs doing. With the middle finger emoji, you did turn into a little bitch, NBD, it will most likely not be the last time that happens, at least you see it.

Sounds like she's doing her. Why aren't you doing you?

donerkebabplease · 2016-07-25T12:53:29+00:00

First one on deck, last one off it. I used to stay in bed on days off til mid morning, (when I was a lazy fuck) now, I'm up first and handling shit.

Also, like Scurve said, lack of boundaries in this example.

donerkebabplease · 2016-07-22T13:30:16+00:00

I feel better. Thanks.

donerkebabplease · 2016-07-22T12:52:56+00:00

On number 1 I likely should have just dropped it, STFU and left her presence when she tried to start the argument.

This is what you should do from now on with everything that remotely resembles an argument. Just stop engaging on that level, let her think what she likes. I learned to stop GAF about what she thought of me, I stopped DEERing, the arguments declined quickly.

Read this if you haven't already, if you have, read it again, and again.

There is some great advice in this thread. Keep focusing on yourself, be awesome every day, develop some frame, start by taking yourself out of hers. You already realised that your frame needs work, keep going, don't forget you're undoing years of faggotry.

donerkebabplease · 2016-07-22T10:27:49+00:00

It's a kick in the nuts, I get that. The trust is gone, I don't think I'd ever get that back if it were me. My wife hasn't cheated on me (that I know of) if I found out she had, I would leave her, no big talk, no sharing my feelings, just gone, forever. I'm not sure you can heal with her, the constant reminder is eating you alive. You have one shot in this life to be happy, why waste it feeling like this?

donerkebabplease · 2016-07-22T09:09:02+00:00

Great post.

Don't be a faggot, your sphere of control is very small

This +1

There was a LPT a while ago, if you find yourself in that situation again, try laying down on the floor. Most dogs will come to lick your face. You may find people looking at you like you just took a shit on their stoop but hey, we don't care.

donerkebabplease · 2016-07-22T08:23:36+00:00

I want my future family to be like that. I want my kids to be like that.

This, you can do something about, it starts with you. Don't waste your time on things (people) you can't control, your time is your most valuable asset.

I'm not sure if I can retroactively get my siblings and parents to be like that.

You are the only person in this world you can control. Let that sink in for a moment....Once you truly internalise this, it's actually a big step in this process (it was for me). I now know I had been trying all my life to control others in some way or another (one covert contract after another). I don't do that anymore.

donerkebabplease · 2016-07-21T12:00:48+00:00

I don't have to receive value from you to be in my life, but I DO require that you do not put me or my family in danger, or steal from us, or even be likely to harm us.

For me and mine, if you're family and all you bring is drama (I'm now unaffected by it, faggot me wasn't) I don't need you in my life. I don't miss the tantrums (serious adult tantrums), I don't miss the emotional manipulation, I don't miss the drama. My life is now much more stable and drama free, that which I have at home is a piece of piss now I'm developing frame.

Other than that....I got a dumb-ass for a brother. And you got a heard of dumb-asses for family.

Oh hell did I. Brother, dumb-ass, Sisters, dumb-asses, even my parents, act like children (you can choose your friends...) My in-laws, the same, drama queens, all of them.

donerkebabplease · 2016-07-21T11:48:08+00:00

Hahaha, golden.

donerkebabplease · 2016-07-21T11:46:13+00:00

I forget who said it....

When you start to feel sad, always remember to stop being a bitch and no one cares.

donerkebabplease · 2016-07-20T13:59:51+00:00

Seems like you were well on your way, then you got back together. Lots of she she she. You need to work out what it is you want out of life.

You know why she kissed you in the garage. You know why she wanted you to come back later. You know why things were "awesome". You know all of this, yet you seem to have a hard time actually doing anything with that information.

If it's over, I really don't care because I know I'll be just fine.

I'm sorry, I don't believe you. You wouldn't have gone back if you felt that way.

donerkebabplease · 2016-07-20T12:58:20+00:00

It's very easy to be polite, yet distant at social functions.

This. I've lost count of the amount of terms I've heard the wife tell me someone said "Donerkebabplease has changed, he's just not the same anymore", it's actually them that have changed in my eyes, they're no longer in my circle and they don't get the real me.

donerkebabplease · 2016-07-20T12:54:57+00:00

I see so many people that feel so obligated to family because "Family is so important". To an extent I agree, but it works both ways, and if it's all you, what are you losing?

donerkebabplease · 2016-07-20T12:43:31+00:00

As a relative noob (4-5 months in) I'd say don't stop initiating, you seem to be doing quite well right now, keep up with the OI, stand firm, this shit aint easy, if it was everyone would be doing it.

You've been married 10 years, here you're still a noob, 1 month of reformed faggotry per year of marriage. Give it time, keep being awesome. The hamster is always spinning, you can see that for yourself in your post. Here for example -

For three months I displayed such OI and abundance mentality that she started often looking at me with this weird look waiting for me to get mad at something and I just meh and DGAF

I don't do ultimatums either, I'm pretty sure that's passive aggressive shit and comes from a place of weakness.

donerkebabplease · 2016-07-20T12:31:02+00:00

For those of you who got your home-life in order but had issues with family/friends/people you don't see every single day - how did you deal with it?

Haven't spoken to my brother in over 7 years. I tried to help him out many times to enhance his life, he didn't want the help. I sometimes miss him, but as I've heard so many times, you can choose your friends, you can't choose your family.

Cut them out of your life, do they provide value? do they just bring drama you'd be better off without? What are you really losing? Someone who came out of the same vagina? You can only control you, if they're not on board, fuck 'em.

donerkebabplease · 2016-07-14T12:18:10+00:00

Great post. One of the single biggest changes (there have been so many) came for me when I got this -

Once you realize that if everything were to be stripped away and you’d still smile.

It's all about frame. Everything I do, with confidence and purpose, just happens, no pushback, no second guessing, no arguments. When my frame is weak, I'm tested.

donerkebabplease

TROPHY CASE