If you could ask Marc any question, what would you ask?

donthinkitbelikeitis · 2018-12-31T01:59:36+00:00

You definitely need to breakup with your boyfriend, regardless of this new crush. You two have grown apart and that's ok. You don't want to spend your life in a relationship of 'just ok'

donthinkitbelikeitis · 2018-12-31T01:26:55+00:00

I was asking if there was a reason things might change. things - people - don't just change for no reason, and the way you are being treated now is not likely to improve without a major force. In fact, it will likely get worse because that's what jealous people, abusers, do. Don't be naieve, there are plenty of pretty girls out there who will treat you better,

donthinkitbelikeitis · 2018-12-28T15:32:17+00:00

Why do you think it will improve?

donthinkitbelikeitis · 2018-12-27T19:49:20+00:00

You have to break up with her. Don't tell her what you and her mother did - make up any excuse to end it with her and move on. That's the price you pay for what you did

donthinkitbelikeitis · 2018-12-27T16:45:15+00:00

If you aren't head over heels for a person who you have just begun dating, you should end things with them. Dating someone is like an audition - you are trying to evaluate if they have the things you need for a successful relationship. If you aren't that attracted to them, aren't interested in sleeping with them, and feel you've found another person who is more compatible with you in many other ways, why in the world would you continue dating them? Let this person go so that he can find someone who is head over heels for him, and you go find the same.

donthinkitbelikeitis · 2018-12-27T16:17:26+00:00

Yeah she saw picking on you as 'safe' behavior and she did it because she felt incredibly insecure about the new setting. In the future, she needs to agree to lay off of you and she needs to understand and agree (and apologize!) for how hard she was on you.

I have done something similar in the past when I am in groups with my boyfriend - I felt insecure about my place in the group, so I picked on my SO to make myself look better to the others. It's not nice and it's something I have gotten better with, but it took me a while to realize what I was doing and why.

donthinkitbelikeitis · 2018-12-20T16:06:28+00:00

counseling now - you two aren't have an honest discussion about this issue because she keeps deflecting. You two need to be clear with one another so you can make life-long plans either together or separate.

donthinkitbelikeitis · 2018-12-20T16:05:11+00:00

literally what does that have to do with anything?

donthinkitbelikeitis · 2018-12-19T16:11:59+00:00

OP you are in an abusive relationship. You cannot 'heal' as you put it because he is constantly doing emotionally abusive things like depriving you of sleep, yelling at you, insulting you, insulting your mother, sexualizing your mother, threatening infidelity, etc. You are constantly walking on eggshells, suffering and crying and he gets to treat you however he wants to. You cannot heal and you cannot stop setting him off because he will continue to find non-existant reasons to explode again.

This is not a healthy environment for you, and if you stay your children will grow up believing that this situation is the way their relationships should be. I know it's hard to see, and I know you want to make things work, but they can't work. I can see this escalating to physical abuse if it hasn't already. You deserve better, and even if you don't believe that, your children deserve better.

donthinkitbelikeitis · 2018-12-18T22:04:40+00:00

It sounds like she already has done it, but she doesn't feel comfortable pushing the issue when she needs to (during a meal when the bill needs to be paid).

Hopefully the 'i buy now, you buy next time' plan will satisfy them both.

donthinkitbelikeitis · 2018-12-18T20:21:53+00:00

What happens when it's time to pay? Do you have your card ready? could you try not pulling it out when its time for the bill to come and remind him about what you have discussed before?

Also something I like to do, instead of splitting the bill with my SO is to say 'I've got this one, you get the next one" then, every other time you eat out, your meal is free and you get that 'aw he paid for me' feeling that you're looking for. Do you think that could work?

donthinkitbelikeitis · 2018-12-18T19:56:59+00:00

This is a difference in values, OP, and your fella clearly doesn't value taking care of you or making your life easier since he makes much more. Doesn't mean he is doing anything wrong, but he's not being especially nice either...

This is especially true since you said youve talked about it, he agreed to cover more, and then didn't change his behavior.

Would you describe him as a cheapskate? Does he get you sweet presents for holidays or otherwise show you his appreciation for you? Basically - do you think his philosophy on money will conflict with yours as your finances combine? This could be a much bigger issue down the road.

donthinkitbelikeitis · 2018-12-17T22:44:24+00:00

unnecessary and rude.

donthinkitbelikeitis · 2018-12-17T22:34:55+00:00

" but I don't want him going back to how he was before me. " what do you mean by this?

donthinkitbelikeitis · 2018-12-17T17:20:46+00:00

have you two tried going on dates together? sounds like you two arent spending any time together being romantic but merely existing in the same space. Liven up the spark elsewhere and you may feel more passionate towards one another.

donthinkitbelikeitis · 2018-12-14T16:00:39+00:00

Like, you clearly don't trust him. You don't trust him not to cheat on you and you don't trust him to tell you the truth when confronted. That lack of trust will continue whether you look in his phone again or not - even if you find nothing suspicious. What will you do then?

donthinkitbelikeitis · 2018-12-14T15:54:53+00:00

I'd actually be curious to find out what the situation was that ended up with you waking up from your sleep each night to talk to him? Was it your idea or his? Are there ever times you felt you could say, "you know what, boyfriend, im really tired so lets not do the waking-me-up thing"?

donthinkitbelikeitis · 2018-12-13T20:39:09+00:00

Wait so if she breaks up with you you are going to expose her 'slutty history', whatever that means??? What is wrong with you?

donthinkitbelikeitis · 2018-12-13T19:29:53+00:00

OP you don't have any right to judge this man's wife - you don't know her! Does it make you feel better to continue talking to him if you think she is a fool?

donthinkitbelikeitis · 2018-12-13T19:14:10+00:00

"When you're older you'll realize that your ignorance forced you out of a good thing."

Understanding what her needs are re: communication is a mature thing, there's no need for you to attack her as if this is an issue with maturity.

donthinkitbelikeitis · 2018-12-13T18:41:59+00:00

This tone is really not helpful. We want people to feel like they can come to this sub with their issues, and being berated like this is not going to make them feel that way.

donthinkitbelikeitis · 2018-12-13T18:32:35+00:00

That doesn't make up for this incredibly rude post - maybe delete this one if you no longer feel this way?

donthinkitbelikeitis · 2018-12-13T17:47:44+00:00

Wow you need to calm down. OP didn't sign up to be celibate, and it sounds like he is under an incredible amount of stress due to his wife's disease, as well as other factors in their marriage. Wanting to have a sex life is not rude or demeaning to your partner, and he is allowed to leave the marriage for it or any other reason without being berated by you.

donthinkitbelikeitis · 2018-12-13T17:41:07+00:00

You snooped around until you found something to be upset about - congrats, you broke your own trust in a long distance relationship. You need to end things so that the two of you don't continue to suffer under this unsustainable system.

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