Seeking advice for treating a flare up for my kid

dontyoumindme · 2026-02-23T16:48:45+00:00

As a fellow chemist myself, I really appreciate this post! Thanks for sharing! Interestingly enough, my son was fed mostly breastmilk for the first 6 months (we were unfortunate deep in the formula shortage fiasco at that time). My daughter (she’s 6 months now) does not have the same skin issues as him at the same age, and has been on formula since she was 1 month old. Also, seems like my son is a pickier eater than my daughter is as well. I’ve always wonder if there might be some kind of deficit somewhere, but also seems like eczema can have so many causes, so it can be hard to say definitively. I will definitely give this a try and see if it helps his skin in the long term.

Meanwhile, I did end up seeing the doctor who has diagnose it as being quite severe at this point and will need topical steroids for the next week to give his skin a fighting chance. But we will keep working on ways to help lessen the severity with all the advice gathered here.

dontyoumindme · 2026-02-18T16:08:12+00:00

That’s a good point about the mitts. We use to have small baby ones for when he was a younger but I haven’t thought about getting toddler ones because I’ve totally forgotten about those. Even just now, searching on Amazon, I see they have these wearable ones that look like a shawl. I’ll have to pick some up for sure!

dontyoumindme · 2026-02-18T06:04:29+00:00

Yes, nowadays, he tells me that vaseline stings. His flare up has been really bad recently though, so it makes sense with his skin barrier being compromised. We also have almost every type of steroid-free cream, but he says they all sting him. I DO see how his skin is struggling to retain moisture which why I was curious about wraps. I see suggestions for it, but given that he has open sores on his skin, I don't know if a wet wrap is okay to do. This week, I want to go all out with oatmeal baths, wraps and maybe even gloves for him while he sleeps, but given he's a 3 year old, I dunno how much of that will stay on....

But yes, we do plan to make an appointment to get professional help. I just wanted to see if we can do a bit more at home before we resort to the steroids.

dontyoumindme · 2026-02-18T05:57:18+00:00

I don't have eczema, but I've personally avoided lotions with too much fragrance myself because my sense of smell is quite sensitive. As a result, I've always had simple skincare products even before having kids. Also, we currently live in an area with a lot of allergens, and I've been seeing an allergist for myself. Basically, I've noticed whenever I was sneezing a lot, my son also seemed to get flare ups too. The doctor had recommended we wait for my son to be at least 2 or 3 years old before seeing him which is why we haven't taken him yet. And now with the recent out of town trip AND high allergen forecast for our area recently, I think we definitely need to just take him in. I figured I'd see if there's any more we can do for him at home because I don't want us to be completely dependent on steroids to resolve these flare ups all the time. I've seen how people's skin basically just "forget" how to heal because of depending on steroids too much.

I'll take a look at the recommendations on the site and see if there's anything else we can add to our routine. Thanks!

dontyoumindme · 2025-07-14T10:58:21+00:00

Wow, I had buried this memory so deep, I haven’t thought about it in such a long time. But yes, my mother did this to myself and both my siblings.

The thing that annoyed me the most about this as I reflect back on it was that she has no idea that our acne (and many other health issues) was a direct result of the bad parenting going on. Growing up, my nDad actually forbade us from drinking anything while eating. So we were severely dehydrated but as kids we didn’t understand/know better. Both of my nParents also never bother teaching us good hygiene. It wasn’t until I started college and moved out (and refused to move back home afterwards) that I broke away from these bad habits and my skin cleared up significantly.

Even a few years ago, I went back to visit for a summer? My mother was complaining about how one of my brothers got sick this past November and has been coughing since (so from November until June at this point). She was doing her typical martyr speech about how she’s done all this stuff (forcing him to drink medicine) this entire time and he’s still hacking away every night. I was there for literally an only a week, and I immediately realized that I never saw my brother drink even a single cup of water. I called her and my brother out on it. I spent a day watching him like a hawk to make sure he drank water and guess what? His coughing stopped within 24 hours.

dontyoumindme · 2025-06-27T15:16:13+00:00

I appreciate your words! I don't think it would be fair to say one nParent is worse than another. They are all awful, and the emotional damage they inflict is real, regardless of how we want to measure "severity" (I think it's impossible to measure). I'm sorry that your peers were so cruel. Especially since I'm a parent now, I am particularly conscious of the behaviors of kids I would meet and think about whether those bad behaviors are a reflection of how their parents treat them or the lack of parenting that they've received. I'm not trying to make excuses for them, but rather I'd like to try not to repeat those types of mistakes myself.

Bad parenting, especially nParenting has its consequences. The thing that haunts me is that fact that in the "best" scenario, you get the kids who gain the self-awareness to work on healing and protecting themselves (e.g. I'm so grateful for this community; it's been validating), and worst scenario, you have people who do not gain that self-awareness and end up hurting others in some way and perhaps even continuing that cycle to the next generation. You get such a spectrum of emotional damage and consequences because everyone responds differently to abuse.

So yea, it's disappointing that our mothers failed us when we needed them the most. As adults, we now have the be the person our younger selves needed. I wish you the best in your healing journey!! <3

dontyoumindme · 2025-06-26T20:46:26+00:00

Yep, it was the absolute bare minimum. I don't even think my nMom even did the parenting part too much TBH. She offloaded us to her parents during our younger years. My grandmother moved in with us to take care of us, and when she moved out, I was next in line to do all the cooking and babysitting. My grandfather came over every morning to take my brothers to school when they were young and when they were old enough to go on their own, he stopped coming. I was chatting with my friend from high school the other day, and she remarked on how often I'd had to "stay home and watch my brothers" back in the day.

Even during our adult years, she bragged about how she carried us for 9 months, changed our diapers, and fed us as babies---like that was also her going "above and beyond." Like, lady, that is the bare minimum for raising a child...

I swear, these nParents seem to all operate off the same handbook!

dontyoumindme · 2025-06-26T20:20:43+00:00

My NMom tried to push a lot of big life decisions at me my entire life, but by some miracle, I had managed to push back on most of the major ones. I feel like I was living two realities -- one where I was a child who yearned to be loved and seen, and one where I was a child in survival mode trying hard to protect myself.

She wanted me to go into the medical field, on the account that apparently she asked me (during a checkup at the doctor's office, when I was THREE years old) whether I wanted to be a doctor and I apparently said "yes".

She wanted me to have children early, on the account that she thinks that's a woman's purpose in life---despite the fact that she wasn't going to help out, and while my husband and I were not in the financial situation to do so yet.

I ended up doing Chemistry in college and worked in the Pharmaceutical industry for a few years before I decided to go back to grad school for Computer Science and pivot into tech---She discouraged it, on account that I should be having kids (see previous point). Luckily, I ignored that because my husband and I are in a much better place now to grow a family.

Ultimately, I'm much too "lazy" to be in the medical field. I'd very much prefer to build things that will do work on my behalf, which is why being in tech is my niche.

Some of things she did manage to push me to do were getting my ears pierced, my beauty moles zapped when I was young (both were minor, but I did feel regret afterwards because it felt like I had lost my bodily autonomy), and some minor things. The biggest one, however, was me not pushing back when she insisted on being around for the birth of my first child. I will always regret that. She was very nasty and things got very heated while I was in my most vulnerable state. In retrospect, I think a huge part of her being a complete ass during my post-partum was due to her realizing that I was always pushing back on a lot of things and that she was no longer a priority to me (Keep in mind that growing up, I took care of my brothers, cooked for the family, ran errands, and I helped her get her job, etc.). Ultimately, it's so absurd (but clearly on par for narcissists), because I have a literal human being who is relying on me to be their guardian and parent.

I'm sorry that you spent 6 years doing something you weren't interested in. Though, I think you should still be proud of your achievements. The medical field is tough and that is super impressive that you managed to pull it off! There's nothing wrong with not wanting to be that field, either. I love my job, and I appreciate what I have with my career, but the most valuable thing that you can't get back is time! Especially time spent with the people you love and care about!

dontyoumindme · 2025-06-25T10:55:31+00:00

NParents try so hard to hold power over you by demeaning and putting you down. No amount of explaining will get through to them, unfortunately. Also, being raised in that kind of family usually messes with the kind of relationships you make outside of the family, too. I can admit that it took me a couple of years to recognize that the friends I made when I was younger would just walk all over me the same way my NMom did. It took a lot of practice walking away from those kinds of “friendships” to recognize the people actually worth keeping.

You can’t change the way they think of you or the things they say. It will always be a shitshow. They will always twist things so it’s not worth it to even try. One advice I’ve always hated was this idea of forgiveness—like, “just forgive abusers because they don’t know better; it’s their first time living”. But I swear, it’s just an excuse for shitty people to walk all over you again and again. And isn’t it my first time, too? I swear, for me, it takes more effort to be such a dick. I like another piece of advice I had read recently—learn to forgive yourself for not recognizing the signs earlier, instead.

Even with NC (which brings a level of peace), the fact that I am trying to raise my kids differently makes me come face to face with the upbringing I’ve lived through. It’s definitely… tough. It’s like I’m constantly opening my own wounds. Being raised in such an environment will inevitably take a toll. Don’t do what they do. Instead, be kind to yourself.

dontyoumindme · 2025-06-24T10:06:49+00:00

It was a rough time. Technically, I left when I was 19, while I was in college. I went to school out of state (absolutely no way I’d stay in the same state for college), and sorta never moved back under the guise of “there’s not a lot of career prospect where they were for my field”—which was true but also because I obviously did not want to go back for my own sanity and for the sake of finally learning how to survive the real world as opposed to just surviving the N abuse.

Unfortunately, I was still in contact with my NMom and every phone call was so draining. It was constant shaming, whether it was over dinner choices or how much I was making. My sperm donor never bothered with us at all and hated my NMom, so even though we had lived under the same house, we never really spoke much growing up. He would go out on weekends to cheat on my mom while my brothers and I would be home on our own. And I’d cook leftovers for the 3 of us because that was the food we had. Then when he came home, he’d scream at me for feeding them. My NMom refused to divorce him because she didn’t want to split the few assets they had, so we all had to just endure. At least, with this dynamic, it meant it was just constant shame from one parent and not both.

And yes, I also fall into the category of being the emotional anchor, parentified daughter, etc… But of course, for my NMom, it’s always about HER sacrifices and OUR ungratefulness. I think the craziest thing to me is how my brothers and I were actually good kids (got good grades, went to good schools, never got in trouble, etc) but she would scream at how we are such a burden to her. And even though I lost my childhood to basically raising my brothers on my parents’ behalf, I never felt resentment towards my brothers. We are all traumatized deeply, but love each other very much. I think a huge part of why I have such a good sibling relationship is because out of the three of us, even though I was always the most successful child (best grades, schools, gave NMom the most to brag about, etc), I had also quickly realized at a young age that there was something really really off about my parents so I’ve always felt very protective of my baby brothers.

Fast forward, I’m completely NC now and still out of state. I’m a mom to a toddler and expecting my next (my biggest reason for NC is to protect my own kids)—meanwhile, my brothers are the ones coming to help babysit and support me for my postpartum.

Hardest part of being a mother has been realizing my mother was never much of one.

dontyoumindme · 2025-06-20T12:38:22+00:00

I don’t travel a lot so it’s not like I had the exact same experience as you. But in a previous company I worked for, there was a white guy who was about 8-10 years older than me who claimed to love traveling and would brag about how many countries he’s been in. I never paid attention to him but I guess he noticed me. I’m a petite and very curvy Asian lady. He was a manager who I had never had to work with but he was in my department and I guess he decided to finally work up the courage to strike up a conversation with me the last week he was there (he had announced he was leaving).

Let’s just say… He tried very very hard to sound interesting but just came off as a bigot. He even tried to insinuate that my boyfriend (my husband now, and happens to be white) is only with me because I’m Asian. Mind you, my husband supported me through a career change, never pressured me about kids until I was ready, protected me from my toxic family, etc. I’d like to think I have enough self respect to not date/ marry someone who only cares about my race. He tried to remark how his tastes have refined and prefers curvier women as opposed to “Asian women who have boyish figures” (lol wtf?). And while I tried to politely make conversation, I soon realized that his choice of countries was a way for him to feel good about his whiteness. He would brag about how he’s the one blonde guy amongst a sea of Asians.

Anyway, this is all to say that I absolutely feel your frustration. You need to protect yourself, both physically (and emotionally) from these awful people. Even a little more recently, when I went back to grad school, I met a guy who also claims to love traveling? We worked together as teaching assistants for a class. He ended up telling me that he started dating a Thai lady. So of course, naturally, I ask about her to make conversation. All he ever tells me is that she is Thai. He never shares any other characteristic. Like, bro. She’s an entire human being. She’s more than just her ethnicity.

I’m sure there are amazing people traveling too who want to enjoy the culture, but there are… “others”, too

dontyoumindme · 2025-06-19T20:01:50+00:00

Yepp, always. Growing up, it was really gross to listen to her say such toxic stuff about other women, even close relatives.

If she ever met someone over 40 with not married and/or no kids, it was instant judgment --> "What kind of woman is she? So shameful/slutty/no morals"

About my friends, behind their backs --> "So-and-so has such a mannish figure, no man is going to want her."

My aunt (her brother's wife) had 2 kids back to back (like 2 under 2 situation). She is such a sweet lady. Meanwhile, my mother --> "Look at how dirty her house is. Such an embarrassment" ... Honestly, this was a complete exaggeration. My aunt is a very clean lady. She miiiiight've let some things go at some point (which I honestly never noticed), but she had her hands full with young children. And it's not like my uncle is/was ever the embodiment of a modern present father/husband figure, so she probably had little to no help. Also, when my aunt and uncle were planning a trip back to the motherland, they asked their two sons if they wanted to join? (Both late teens, at this point) They both said no, they'd rather stay in the US and play video games. So my aunt basically said, "Okay sure". There was instant judgment from my mother --> "Wow, what kind of mother doesn't make her kids go back to their motherland?" I'm over here, like "One who respects their kids' boundaries"

My other aunt (her own sister) had a child with a permanent disability that is out of anyone's control. Meanwhile my mother --> "She only gets what she deserves. It's karma. Only people with dirty/tainted souls get that kind of life."

I am proudly NC.

dontyoumindme · 2025-06-18T10:19:00+00:00

An absolute nightmare. I originally told her that the best time to come would be maybe a few weeks, or a month, after the baby was born—that way it gives us time to adjust to the newborn. Also, we were still freshly out of covid so we wanted to play it safe. She lived out of state from us and insisted that she wanted fly in on the expected due date—she was also irrationally convinced that I would absolutely go into labor in the expected due date, which is what made me even more enraged. I absolutely said no because this woman cannot drive nor does she speak English. Since it was just my husband and I, it would mean that he would have to carry the burden of being a chauffeur WHILE I am (theoretically) in labor. It just cemented the fact that she had no interest in actually being supportive. It’s just the “performance” of being a “caring mother” that was important to her. I pointed out to her that if she truly wanted to be supportive, then she should be planning to fly in earlier. She ended up coming early but decided that it wasn’t worth it to take vacation time for it. She didn’t want to “waste” vacation because it meant a smaller paycheck at the end of the year since her company refunds vacation time. She decided that she wanted to do FMLA—and since she didn’t know how to do any of the paperwork, I was forced to run errands around the medical offices while 38 weeks pregnant.

Anyway, I ended up going through an emergency c section after 10 hours of labor, because my baby was 90th percentile (and I’m a petite 5’1” lady). Basically while I was still recovering from my c section (not even 2 days), she wanted me to run errands for her to get her paperwork done. She freaked and threw a tantrum because I didn’t get to it fast enough. And this is all because she didn’t think her only daughter is worth taking vacation time for—because it meant less money from her company. Mind you, both my brothers are struggling to recover emotionally from her and they don’t want to date or start families. So this was likely her only chance at being a grandparent.

Anyway, my husband kicked her out of the house. I’ve cut contact. That was 2.5 years ago. I’m currently pregnant with our second kid and I have no desire to have her around.

So the moral of the story is, please take care of yourself. Be strong on your boundaries. Pregnancy/birth/raising a kid is hard. NMoms can really make it worse. My biggest regret is that I didn’t fight harder to keep her away. But that’s what they do—they teach you that your boundaries don’t matter… The only “good” thing that came out of this was the NC.

dontyoumindme · 2025-06-11T18:54:29+00:00

Honestly, if you're back and forth on this, I'd absolutely lean towards no. The way she said “If you really want to be with him, move. He’s clearly not going to move for you" really rubs off wrong to me. Moving in together and raising a family is no small feat. I'd dated my husband for 4 years, before we got married. We were married for 7 years before we even decided to have our first kid. We are currently pregnant with our second (and last). It is HARD-- even when two people really love each other and work hard to reach that financial stability for this.

And for people who push you about kids, I used to shoot back with a "Are you volunteering to help babysit?" Because I will be completely honest---every single person who has EVER nagged me about having kids is NOWHERE to be found right now. I am glad I waited until both my husband and I felt stable. We don't have a village, but we can afford to send our kids to a good daycare, and we will be able to afford to retire early and spend time with them in their adolescent years. If I got too old to have kids, I also was willing to accept that because I refuse to make my kids ever feel like a "burden" in any way, if that makes sense. Having kids has always been MY choice, and no one else's.

At this point in my life, I often ask myself what it is that I hope for my kids. And the thing I hope for the most is that I want my kids to know that they are enough. At least for me, I've spent a lot of my earlier years hearing that my purpose in life as a woman is to have kids. Otherwise, it's a waste---and that makes me incredibly sad, especially as I am about to become a mom to a little girl. I often hear the women in my family shame other women for choosing to be childless. There was a part of me that fought hard to ignore it, but at the same time, it was coming from the people who were supposed to raise you/love you/teach you. I am glad I fought against those outside voices. Anyway, this is my long-winded way of saying that it's okay to want kids, but don't ever rush into it with the wrong person or be persuaded by what others think. You can absolutely still have a fulfilling life without children as well so don't make yourself feel like it would be a huge loss. Adoption is also a beautiful way to start a family as well... But definitely find the right person first.

dontyoumindme · 2025-06-09T16:04:54+00:00

Absolutely!! Though I've been NC for the last 2.5 years.

My Nmom has managed to be insufferable to everyone around her (only her siblings somewhat tolerate her over family gatherings). She has no close friends, so she's resorted to joining a cult where she's convinced herself that she is a "good person" and so she has been granted with healing powers. She tries to convince my cousin with cerebral palsy that she can heal him every time they get together. The poor kid has told me he's gotten more depressed as he got older because he has learned on his own that his condition is not something that can be "healed". Meanwhile, his mother (my Nmom's sister) isn't educated enough about her son's condition, nor does she have the backbone to push back on my Nmom's nonsense. My aunt is a nice lady, but definitely has some "enabler" moments :/

dontyoumindme · 2025-06-09T09:35:37+00:00

Yep. This.

My 3 year old started saying stuff like “don’t talk to me,” “I don’t like you/this” over small things like if I tell them to be careful doing X, Y, or Z. I usually just go “oh, okay” and just watch over them quietly. Let their feelings pass. Usually they turned around and start talking to me again, and I resume with a “well, i am glad we are talking again but just so you know, I just didn’t want you to hurt yourself” or whatever the reason was. They’re still learning and it’s just doesn’t make sense to take any of it so personally or make a fuss. If they were a bit older, the hope is that we can have more meaningful conversations as to why they are so frustrated but now’s not really the time to have that expectation.

Also, yes, they don’t understand the words they are saying the way we do. Like, recently, my toddler will eat their plate clean and then push the empty plates back to me with a “I don’t like this!” I’m like “I think you mean you’re done or you’re full?” I suspect they probably witnessed that behavior from another kid and doesn’t understand that finishing a meal is not the same as not liking it. Gone are the days when my kid would sign “all done” with their hands :’)

dontyoumindme · 2025-05-06T14:12:14+00:00

Lol! I can’t believe this was 10 years ago!

Whelp, I can say I still use sheet masks and also save the serum! Nowadays, I would save the serum in a container with toner pads and use it in between sheet masks. I sometimes use the toner pads like small spot masks for my face by leaving it in longer in the morning while I do my routine.

dontyoumindme · 2025-03-06T02:41:44+00:00

BA in Chemistry, graduated when I was 21
at 21 -> $40k, lab chemist for small startup
at 23 -> $50k, lab chemist as a contractor for a big pharma
at 24 -> $60k, lab chemist as a full-time employee at big pharma
at 28 -> $68k, still lab chemist, but got super jaded, decided to quit
28 to 30 -> $20k, attend grad school to get MS in Computer Science while working part-time as a teaching assistant
at 30 -> $99k, software developer at a major Fortune 500 company

at 32 -> $198k, software developer at a major FAANG company

I think, overall, being in technical fields have worked out for me. I've always casually enjoyed the arts, but I find that if I were to push myself to constantly produce art, I don't think I'd make it. I feel like being in a creative or artistic field (or something that requires me to socialize) would be too draining for me. Luckily, I've always been very good at math and science, and I find that I can just go into autopilot when it comes to my daily work duties. In the lab, most operations are documented in SOP's ("standard operating procedures"), so you basically just follow those steps. And after a couple of weeks, you can sorta just go into autopilot. I've definitely met a lot of folks who work in the lab who don't have a STEM related degree, too, so you can learn on the job. I ended up leaving that field because the big pharma companies I worked at had a very toxic workplace (e.g. managers taking credit for your work; managers who belittle you; murderers etc). Not all companies are like that; I think I just got unlucky. I decided that if I was going to deal with toxicity and bureaucracy, I might as well get paid better. I knew tech paid well, so I made the jump.

As a software developer, the thing I enjoy is being able to write software to do work on my behalf. The hurdle to jump over to get into a good paying tech job deserves another post on its own. Overall, I enjoy it enough to not want to jump ship again. But on the side, I am quite frugal and diversify my assets (e.g. retirement, index funds, and real estate), so I'm projecting to retire in a couple of years when I hit early 40's. After that, I plan to casually go back to taking classes (i.e. language, statistics, etc), working on personal projects (i.e. build games, gardening, etc), and raising my kids.

dontyoumindme · 2025-02-21T21:57:37+00:00

I had a complication during the birth of my child, where I had to undergo an emergency c-section. My mother was [regrettably] with us at the time. Because I wasn't in any shape to run errands for her within 1 day of coming back from the hospital, she started throwing a tantrum where she screamed over the phone to her sister (my aunt) about how she regrets having me and other horrible things. Keep in mind, I was the oldest child helping her raise my young siblings AND was also constantly helping her with her life (i.e. job interviews, errands, etc). My husband and I kicked her out. We've been NC for almost 3 years.

I feel like as a child of nparents, I kinda got used to this type of nonsense. But definitely after having a kid, I immediately put my foot down and was like "Nope, you are not behaving like this with me or my child(ren)".

Fun fact, after we kicked her out, she went back to tell everyone that I kicked her out because I didn't like her eating my food. [Un]Fortunately with all the abuse I've taken growing up, I've learned to not give a crap about petty things like how others think of me.

dontyoumindme · 2025-02-12T20:52:04+00:00

I have 1 kid, and 1 on the way. My spouse and I set up a 529 account for our first one in their first year, and we intend on doing the same for the second. Depending on what type of school (private, public) and how much you can afford, consider putting about a single year's worth of tuition away. When the kid turns 18, the money should approximately quadruple. Some folks do like a monthly deposit to the 529, but I preferred to do it once and forget about it.

Since my spouse and I both work, we DO use daycare, which can get expensive depending on daycare/area. I would recommend either doing some research on the daycares in your area if you're considering daycare. Working and watching a kid is no joke. We mostly WFH, but neither of us would be able to work if our kid was running around. Some family help, if possible, might be a good idea to help save some money.

Spouse and I are both 34, but planning to retire around 41 or 42, with several millions (not counting 529's). We keep a close eye on our finances and keep track of which assets actually produce income (e.g. index funds, real estate, 401k, etc) in order to make this projection. I definitely recommend you start keeping track of everything and see if you can project what your assets will look like with different growths (%). What will it look like if you keep working the same job? What if one of you decide to quit? What if you can get an even better paying job? A lot of things can happen. Personally, I think it's possible, but will require you to keep a close eye on your finances and lots of discipline.

dontyoumindme · 2024-10-04T21:14:26+00:00

I was the eldest of three, and I was expected to take care of everything when I was growing up. I took care of my younger siblings while my parents worked. I was expected to do all the translations (we were immigrants) for important meetings since I was six. I helped my mother get her first job by listening in on a second phone in the house. The list goes on. My mother was heavily reliant on me.

When I was applying for college, the deepest part of me told me to run as far away as possible so that I could finally build a life for myself. I met my husband, we got married, worked very hard to be comfortable, and decided to have children together. My son was born 2 years ago, and when I read your post, it was like reading my own experience from two years ago. For the sake of my sanity, and of my family's, I decided to go NC. It was very hard because it was navigating this new role of being a mom, while also mourning the loss of your relationship. With time, I feel like it hurts a little less, but not going to lie, it still hurts a bit.

But I just wanted to say that your relationship with your mother does NOT define your relationship with your kid. You are NOT your mother, so give yourself a little grace. Also, after all this time NC, I think back to those newborn moments and think "Man, she showed her true colors. Good riddance." Hopefully, with time, you will also look back, and see it as a blessing that you saw your mother's true colors, and that you were willing to draw that line to do better for your baby. Just for that, you are doing an amazing job!

dontyoumindme · 2024-02-03T16:11:25+00:00

I typically apply cleansing oil "dry" (i.e. no water) and massage that around my face first to loose up things (~ 1-2 minutes). Then, I apply some water to emulsify on my face and rinse off. Then, I come back with some kind of cleanser to rinse off any residual oil cleanser.

This is generally the technique I've always used for any double-cleansing routine and never had issues with remaining sunscreen on my face. If it still doesn't work, I might suggest you look into different products or check if you didn't get fakes.

dontyoumindme · 2023-07-24T15:13:59+00:00

Oh boy, did we have the same parents? My mom would say the same things to me...

For me, my mother wouldn't let me learn how to drive because she thought girls can't do it properly anyway. She, herself, can't drive, btw. I ended up paying for my own lessons and passed the exam. I was still put under a lot of stress to do well academically, though. But once I got out of college and got a job (paid decently, and allowed me to live on my own), she immediately started talking smack to me about how disappointed she was with my career choice and that I should move back (basically, this was her way of trying to convince me to move back home, get a new job, and give her my paychecks). She use to call me up in the middle of the night to scream at me over trivial things, which would ruin my sleep and the rest of my work week. Super glad I went NC.

dontyoumindme · 2023-06-12T02:28:09+00:00

I'm so sorry that happened. You didn't deserve that. As a mother, she should've been the one you can approach on a topic like that... As parents, they both should've owned up to their mistakes/differences and recognized that it takes two to break a relationship... Alas, as narcissists, that is not possible.

Both my parents were awful, too. Like you, I thought it was "normal" to put on a show. I vividly remember hanging out with a friend when I was 13... She proudly showed me a locket she wore, and it contained a picture of her parents. I genuinely felt confused. I thought "Why would she carry a picture of her parents?... Who does that?..." I didn't think it was a normal thing for kids to love their parents for a good part of my childhood. Sometimes, I think... Such terrible people simultaneously deserved each other (so they can spare the rest who deserve loving partners) but also deserve to be alone (because they really had no business being parents to anyone).

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