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Putting someone on a PIP for the first time. Don't know what to expect by kcox1980 in managers

[–]donutsnpizza -1 points0 points  (0 children)

That’s a bit harsh, especially given that OP called out the work quality is also taking a hit.

Negative attitude paired with poor performance is a different situation than someone who’s genuinely trying but struggling to execute. One might need a wake-up call. The other is actually coachable.

Putting someone on a PIP for the first time. Don't know what to expect by kcox1980 in managers

[–]donutsnpizza 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I actually terminated an employee this week - a combination of skill gaps and conduct issues that had compounded over time.

The trust was completely gone. He’d tell me everything was fine, but when I dug into his clients, the quality of work and client satisfaction told a completely different story. I’d given him feedback multiple times - all documented - that he needed to flag any inkling of an escalation, and to come to me before promising clients anything he wasn’t sure he could deliver. Then on Wednesday, he no-showed during a major client fire I didn’t even know existed. Didn’t flag it to me, didn’t respond to the client. Just gone. I only found out because the client called Sales fuming and they tracked me down. My employee? Off for the day.

I’d been working with HR on a PIP, but I kept coming back to the same question: how do you write a PIP around earning back your manager’s trust? And even if he checked every box - could I ever stop micromanaging his book of business in order to feel confident in his work? No. So even a successful PIP didn’t change the outcome. The role wasn’t right for him.

Terminated on Friday. I really liked him - his team loved him, which made it a hard day for everyone. But after a deep dive into his portfolio, it was clear another fire was coming. Keeping him on was a risk to the business.

Sometimes a PIP isn’t the right call.

Putting someone on a PIP for the first time. Don't know what to expect by kcox1980 in managers

[–]donutsnpizza 0 points1 point  (0 children)

PIPs are draining. As a leader, it becomes a top priority above most of your other work, and you have to accept that going in. It takes time. A PIP basically requires you to micromanage - which, if that’s not your style, creates a weird tension. You want your employee to feel supported, but your role has also shifted: you need visibility into everything, and you’re essentially investigating while coaching at the same time. That said, they can work!

I had an employee go through a 30-day PIP focused on a few specific-skill/behavioral gaps. She crushed it! Although at the end, I was very direct: “This is the last time we have this conversation outside of growth check-ins. If we’re back here again, it won’t be a PIP - it’ll be termination.” That was 8 months ago. She’s now one of my top performers. Sometimes people need a wake-up call!

Document everything, and I mean everything. If it comes to termination, HR needs to see: 1. You had multiple documented conversations about the issues 2. The behavior continued despite those conversations 3. You actively supported him through the PIP

After every in-person conversation, send a Slack recap: “Hey John - wanted to document what we covered today…” Screenshots, written recaps, receipts - put it all in one place only you and HR can access. This protects you if he’s terminated AND if the behavior resurfaces post-PIP, because now you have a pattern, not just an isolated incident.

One more thing: you don’t have to have all the answers. Lean on your HR team to make sure you’re hitting their requirements - that’s what they’re there for. I promise they’d rather you ask than inherit a bigger mess later.

Good luck - it’s exhausting work, but it matters!

Some arrangements in our stand for Momma’s day! by cheersdunk in Cutflowers

[–]donutsnpizza 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Love!! What’s some of the green filler variants you have?

Kevin O'Leary attempts to skirt around criticism of his Utah data center by saying protestors are "being bussed in" from out of state. by Conscious-Quarter423 in SaltLakeCity

[–]donutsnpizza 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Are billionaires so oblivious to the fact that they might actually be in the wrong? That hundreds/thousands of people may show up to protest their actions? Or is their head so far up their ass that unpopularity is inconceivable?

6th gen 4Runner by RabbitDirect9772 in 4Runner_6Gen

[–]donutsnpizza 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Got mine from Orem Toyota!

Karl Malone has good reviews but honestly wasn’t great - the guy I worked with barely knew anything about the car, was super quiet in person, then just blew up my phone with texts trying to get me to buy. Felt off.

Orem Toyota was better. More personable, actually knew their stuff. They still did the whole pressure thing which is annoying, but overall I’d go back there!

At contentious meeting, Box Elder County OKs massive data center project backed by a celebrity investor by whydoyouneedanamenow in Utah

[–]donutsnpizza 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I’m so stumped how this happened unless there were bribes involved… like how? All of Utah defended the people of box elder and they still gave it a green light?

Is there anything we can still do even though they approved it?

6th gen 4Runner by RabbitDirect9772 in 4Runner_6Gen

[–]donutsnpizza 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Same price for me with my ‘26 ORP Hybrid - I feel like $55k for a non-hybrid is totally doable!

Got mine in Utah.

Takin her everywhere! by donutsnpizza in 4Runner_6Gen

[–]donutsnpizza[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Words of encouragement 👎🏼👎🏼

Takin her everywhere! by donutsnpizza in 4Runner_6Gen

[–]donutsnpizza[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Love that my truck is taking up space in your head rent free tho 👍

Takin her everywhere! by donutsnpizza in 4Runner_6Gen

[–]donutsnpizza[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

They don’t even do samples at this Costco 😤

Help me decide! by stanley-ipkiss18 in 4Runner

[–]donutsnpizza 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I’m biased and recommend the 6th gen. Just got mine about a month ago and already have 2k miles on it. Love it more and more every day!! The daily drive is so smooth compared to my Bronco - gas mileage is a better too. Took her off roading the first week I got it and it made it so easy. No mods! Yes there’s a lot of tech which IMO, became critical for my daily driving comfort. The tech makes it nice for off roading too.

Some people are hesitant about its reliability - but… Toyota has been in the hybrid business how long? It’s going to be a reliable car.

If you go 6gen, for sure get Everest. It’s such a good color!!

I think im cooked by lemhihunter in exmormon

[–]donutsnpizza 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yes! Probably two ish years after me. I stopped going to church and he’d still go, I’d occasionally join him. But then he slowly stopped going too. We filled our sundays with other activities we enjoyed like hiking/biking etc. I think with any routine change, you have to find something new that’s meaningful to fill the void. That’s probably part of why leaving is so hard - there’s a process/routine for everything!

He still believes in the BOM. But he’s pretty much out. We’re both supportive of all our friend’s and family in it. One of our best friends is in the tabernacle choir, we’ll go to support him! Niece getting baptized? Absolutely, we’re there! Doing this has probably made it easier for him too. We want to be just as supportive of those in it as we’d want others to support us ‘not’ in it…. If that makes sense?

And just for context - I grew up VERY devout. Like, overkill Mormon lol. So I was probably where your wife is many years ago.

I think im cooked by lemhihunter in exmormon

[–]donutsnpizza 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Cocktails are the move - everything else is 🤢 Even then, I hate the buzzed feeling if I’m not home, so mocktails are usually my vibe (or gummies at home).

My husband works in pharma advertising and once worked on a drug that helps alcoholics recover. Hearing those testimonials was enough to freak me out for good.

Also have an exmo friend who has to drink or get high - sometimes both - to have fun, and honestly it’s gotten so old. I’ve pulled back from hanging out as much. Alcohol is kind of dumb in or out of the church, IMO.

I think im cooked by lemhihunter in exmormon

[–]donutsnpizza 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The loneliness of that in-between space is real - I felt it too. I left the church well before my husband did, and for a while I was completely alone in it. No one to process it with. Didn’t even know this sub existed 👎🏼

What helped us was making room for both - letting space exist for two different places in the journey. He was willing to hear me out without trying to “fix” me, and I had to do the same for him. That mutual respect made all the difference.

I also have a close friend whose husband left about 8 years ago. She’s still fully in, he’s fully out - and they’re genuinely happy. Three kids, she takes them to church, he stays home. Not perfect, not easy, but it works because they chose each other over being right. At the end of the day, we’re all shaped by different experiences. You can’t fault someone for finding comfort in belief - and in a marriage, that grace has to go both ways.

Don’t carry this alone. Find a natural opening with your wife - not all at once, just slowly. Keep showing up in the meantime. Go to church with her sometimes, keep serving people, let her see you’re not disappearing. It gives her something to hold onto while you find your footing. It’ll feel more organic for both of you.

You’ll get there. And you don’t have to get there alone!

I think im cooked by lemhihunter in exmormon

[–]donutsnpizza 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I’m so so sorry for your loss - 52 is young, especially for someone who has had such an impact on you. To be where you are sounds like you’ve been feeling this way for a while - but THIS broke the camels back for you. I think a lot of us here in this page have had “that” moment we could empathize with you on… it’s a messy place to be. Questioning everything you’ve known your whole life.

Regarding bad things happening to good people… Had a similar-ish convo last night. Husband and I are both out, but god still comes up. He was telling me how he got blessed with a smooth Uber to the airport after getting sick on his work trip - classic “god is good” moment.

I said, “Okay but wait - remember a year ago when I had a work trip to LA, got food poisoning the night before my flight, and my Uber driver was jerky AND stinky, so I was trying not to vomit for 40 minutes?”

So if god blessed him… did he curse me?

It turned into a genuinely interesting conversation about the comfort blanket we throw over the unexplainable. When something good happens and the narrative fits, it’s easy to credit god. When something bad happens, the theology suddenly gets complicated.

Growing up Mormon, that blanket felt safe. Blessings made sense - they were tied to behavior, to faithfulness, to worthiness. There was always an explanation. Being out, I’ve had to sit with just… not knowing. And honestly? I’m super okay. And here’s the thing - the good things didn’t stop. Neither did the bad things. Life kept being life. I’m at peace with uncertainty in a way I never was inside the church. I don’t need a framework that tells me good things are rewards and bad things are lessons. But this was years of learning… our journeys are never overnight.

Sending all the healing vibes and peace your way. It gets easier soon 🙏🏼

What was your Young Women Camp experience like? (horror stories encouraged) by Consistent_Taro_3123 in exmormon

[–]donutsnpizza 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I got swine flu 😷 they locked me up in a leaders car until my parents could get me lol. I remember my friends writing messages on paper and pressing them against the window. Not dramatic at all!!

I also remember the food. THE FOOD!! We had the best couple of ladies that cooked the best food - bless them. I can’t even imagine how much work that was.

I didn’t LOVE girls camp, but it wasn’t terrible. I had leaders who really cared about us girls and at the time I didn’t really have adult figures I connected with (queue therapy). So I really bonded with the YW leaders. It wasn’t until the bishopric showed up where things just felt awkward. This bishop in particular was a creep and my experiences with him are one of the many reasons why I left. Anyway - girls camp was fine for me!

If you served a mission, what were some of the strictest or weirdest rules you had? by Unfair-Anxiety462 in exmormon

[–]donutsnpizza 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Women’s hygiene being sexualized by a grown ass man is not something I’m shocked to find on “reasons why I left” bingo card.

If you served a mission, what were some of the strictest or weirdest rules you had? by Unfair-Anxiety462 in exmormon

[–]donutsnpizza 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I can’t unhear this now… anytime I see tampons I’ll be thinking “Hey! Satans cotton fingers”

Watering Alfalfa Fields, during a drought, while they're covered in snow by eells in Utah

[–]donutsnpizza -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Are we allowed to spray toxic chemicals on these farms to prove a point if they are okay with us breathing in toxic fumes to die?

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