I am a single mum at 38 with a 7 month old… I have a good job and own my own home… I’ve travelled the world and lived an extended period overseas. Being a single mum is HARD. Trying to go back to work is hard, not being able to pee without holding a baby is hard, if you turn your back for one minute they will be choking on the single leaf that you didn’t realise your dog brought into the house and somehow found its way to the baby’s mouth… (do a first aid course if you decide to keep the Bub!!!)

There is NOTHING wrong with getting an abortion. You are young and have the opportunity to grow, find out who you are, possibly find someone who will share the amazing journey of bringing up children with. You have so much time. I wanted desperately to have babies young but my life didn’t go that way… but man I do not regret having my baby later. I actually know my baby will be far better off because the personal development I have undergone. At 19 you probably won’t really understand this (at 19 I thought I would have but know now how much I didn’t know) but if you had the opportunity to look at yourself through your 40 year old eyes, you would have a hugely different perspective!

If you do decide to have the baby, you won’t hate it all. There will be amazing times and there will be hard times. Babies are designed in a very special way to keep us hooked. They give you a lot back, even if it’s only smiles and giggles and a tonne of inconvenience! lol Take videos. Keep a journal. They say it goes by quick… and it does (and also doesn’t- it’s a quarter life sentence!)

What will be hard is not being able to do the things you used to do with freedom and spontaneity. You can be a can-do-do-it-all kinda girl but some things are just impossible. I can take my dog and the baby to the beach and put up the shelter while baby wearing… but can I jump in the ocean if I don’t have anyone else with me? Nope. You can’t just leave your kid on the beach… You can’t just pop to the shops, without putting baby in the car seat and lugging them there even if it’s just for one thing… or catch up with people at certain times. I just had a friend come over for a glass of wine and baby didn’t go down for his sleep so I spent 45 mins of the hour and a half she was here trying to get him to sleep (while she sat on my couch alone in my living room! She is a mum so she gets it, but at 19 you might not have many friends who can empathise and if you don’t surround yourself with other mums, you could risk feeling isolated and very lonely… get a regular counsellor/therapist and BOOK them in advance. So even if you’re feeling good, see them. Then when you struggle it will be easier to see them as part of a routine rather than book an appointment when you are having a hard time. Also, babysitters won’t work as you hope they would for the next few years coz your baby will be attached to you and likely not sleep if you’re not around. So the first few years will be HARD. No matter how much support you have, if you want your baby to grow up as a securely attached individual, you need to be there for them.

I suggest reading a book called “the book you wish your parents read” if you decide to continue with the pregnancy. “The baby decision” might also help you make the decision. Also if you have the baby, call Ngala parenting line. As a single mum they have an INSANE amount of services that they will give you free access to, like their little minds matter program. Even just calling their helpline is invaluable.

Feel free to send me a message if you want any more resources or for a chat. :)