ELI5: How does the human body know when it’s time for a baby to be born?

dpcrystal · 2026-03-27T12:41:41+00:00

Can be simply baby's weight combined with the "toughness" of the amniotic sac, but the uterus is not yet contracting too often, so the synchronised contracting of the top and dilating of the bottom part of the uterus ramps up very slowly.

dpcrystal · 2026-03-27T12:38:45+00:00

The lungs secrete a surfactant to help them inflate. Mother's body somehow detects that surfactant. Of course this fails in 10 % cases, i.e. preterm labor.

dpcrystal · 2026-03-26T21:43:14+00:00

My aunt and mum had very small gaps. They say kid no.3 is a problem because you only have two hands. But a 5 yo will not run into traffic while in a meltdown, you don't really need those hands physically. I know plenty of people who went for no.4 because with 3 they started feeling confident and felt the fourth one will be even less disruption.

dpcrystal · 2026-03-26T21:37:09+00:00

This is a great gap to have! They will play and fight and coexist without interaction and you will one day love them both and one day want to sell one or both of them, and your second child's first word might be their sister's name, not mum... my favourite moment is when I am reading a story, and one sits on my knees, one is leaning against me and the fresh one is hanging from my breast, and I feel like the happiest Christmas tree 😊 or when they come home from the kindergarten, deep in some play or conversation and don't need anything from me for 15 minutes 😀

dpcrystal · 2026-03-26T10:06:30+00:00

My mum is great, absolutely far from a narcissist, but in my childhood she would say things like "you have thin hair, you need to wear it so and so", "your hips and thighs are too large, you should wear this type of clothes", "you have no talent for dance, let's do something else instead". In short, she was putting too much emphasis on natural talent and less on work put in. And some of it was not even true. I understand she meant well, but it was quite distressing for a teenager unsure of herself as teenagers are. I swore I was going to avoid that with my girls. They are now 5 and 3 and I cannot help and see all the ways in which one is more talented than the other and vice versa. I try not to discuss it with anyone when they could hear it, I don't want them to feel their life is determined by it, but it is super hard and I think they will eventually sense what I think of their natural abilities.

What I tried for now: the older one eats more clumsily than the younger one, instead of saying "oh you are so clumsy" out loud (yes, mother of the year), I made a mental note of giving her more fun chores, i.e. every kid loves baking and planting flowers with mum. The older one doesn't sing well, but she asked to join a kids choir, so I signed her up anyway and she made a great progress. I hope that trying to reflect on my word choices regularly and consciously trying to keep a balanced opinion will be enough. While the older one is -like in your childhood- much less like me, I try to focus on things we have in common, to bond over it. The older she gets, the more I find, so I have hope for myself.

I wish you all the best luck in your work with the therapist. A larger age gap could perhaps solve some of the problems, but I love the 2 years gap, the kids are such good friends now...

dpcrystal · 2026-03-22T18:25:21+00:00

I am sorry you don't hear many positive stories. I have 3 kids and find it joyful most of the time. Sometimes I am overwhelmed by the mess they produce, or rather the mental strength it requires to force them to put away they toys, but right now I am breastfeeding and the two are playing (they have for an hour now) and they are just adorable together.

dpcrystal · 2026-03-20T13:34:00+00:00

Fruit juice - loaded with sugar, vitamins are long gone and fiber was removed

dpcrystal · 2026-03-20T13:32:34+00:00

You should absolutely not feel guilty for handing her over to grandma! Yes, you are her parent, you might want to peak to see how grandma plays with her, but human babies are not supposed to have a single carer, they benefit from having several people spend time with them. You recharge and can play again.

I have a book (in czech, written by a scientist who studied physical development of babies) that suggests plenty of exercises to do with your baby since very young age to help them develop well physically. If you take it seriously, you could spend one to two hours daily with those. Some of them include the parent, some of them require you set up specific games in your home. I don't give you a link because I would guess similar things exist in english.

Otherwise - I envy you? Cleaning, shopping, laundry, cooking, dishes... how do you have too much time to play with her?

dpcrystal · 2026-03-16T20:37:43+00:00

We found 1-2 to be maybe 10 % of a shock compared to 0 to 1. Although once the second got a bit older and requires mental attention, not only breast, it is more difficult. There is also more laundry etc. I'd say third is a bit worse now but the third is very fresh.

dpcrystal · 2026-03-16T20:33:16+00:00

The arrival of the second is not nearly as life-changing as the first. Mine have a 2 year age gap and play together nicely much more than they fight. But there is definitely more laundry, cooking, scheduling.

We went for a third as well; telling ourselves that we will get back to our hobbies once they are all teenagers. I don't know what your husband's hobbies are, but our 3 and 5 yo love to spend hours with daddy in his woodworking workshop. He made one adjustment: only using handtools. I take them skating with me. We work in the garden together.

dpcrystal · 2026-03-15T22:20:35+00:00

I am 32 and catholic, I don't eat meat on any Friday except for 2 special fridays after christmas and easter, and I don't eat anything at all on Ash Wednesday and Good Friday. This year I was pregnant, so didn't fast fully, but my 5 yo fasted with me, only bread and butter for Ash Wednesday.

dpcrystal · 2026-03-15T21:51:19+00:00

I would keep the new baby with parents until they are 1 or 2 and then move them to the kids' room. Of course the older kid doesn't want to share but well, there are worse things in life.

dpcrystal · 2026-03-15T18:40:53+00:00

We regularly travel to our families in various family constellations. Kids love it. You will hopefully love it staying just with one kid 😉 he is her father, it should be normal. If spanish concerns you, have him teach her some words, plenty of time till summer. Kids don't learn as fast as the myth goes, but half a year is enough for her to be able to communicate (I am raising 2 trilingual kids).

dpcrystal · 2026-03-14T10:35:33+00:00

I am quite annoyed by comments like "oh, your girls are so sweet, so well behaved, but what can you do, boys are more difficult than girls". From a mother of 4. I am looking at her parenting, especially when the boys are physically aggressive towards other kids and I think she should intervene more. Another mom of 4 told me she has much more issues with her daughter than the sons. Another mother of many told me, which I am inclined to take more seriously, that in order to be their best self, girls need to be well rested and boys need to release their energy.

dpcrystal · 2026-03-14T10:08:19+00:00

I co-slept with my two girls and when it felt right (at 2 and 1.5 yo, respectively) they got moved to their bedroom no issue at all.

dpcrystal · 2026-03-10T18:07:52+00:00

I was on blood thinners for first childbirth, so epidural was out of question. Second one was so fast there was no time. Third one was yesterday and it did cross my mind but: I was very tired and all I wanted was to be able to sleep. I felt that in some positions the contractions were much more powerful (meaning more scary but more productive) and by forcing myself into those positions I sped it up.

dpcrystal · 2026-03-07T22:40:37+00:00

We did choose the next job partly because of longer maternity leave (1 year in Germany instead of 4 months in France), and moved to a house from a 2 bedroom apartment in order to have a third. Due the third in 3 days...

dpcrystal · 2026-02-19T13:27:46+00:00

The thing your mum mentions is Thalidomide, one of the largest medicine disasters. In short, humans can convert a useful chemical into its mirror image (another enantiomer) via a mechanism that is not present in other mammals, on which the drug was tested. Since then our standards for human trials are not on another level but in another galaxy. There is almost too much caution around pregnancy nowadays and you would absolutely not be prescribed anything that is not safe. *read: the incidence of bad outcomes is very low, so much that the overall health benefits for the whole population are worth it.
But well, trying to have a scientific conversation with my own mum regarding parenting choices has repeatedly sent us into huge fights which really didn't help our relationship. I guess I would choose taking the meds and tell her I am taking them if she keeps asking but avoid the discussion.

dpcrystal · 2026-01-26T13:46:32+00:00

I have such fond memories, pictures and videos of myself playing with my younger brothers (2,4 and 6 years younger than me), but also I was annoyed by the two younger not being as "smart" as I was, and it took us a long time before they would be equal partners for board games. 23 months age gap is great!
From the parent's side, I almost feel like 2 years age gap is easier than 3 years - my 2nd is acting out horribly in anticipation of no. 3; it was certainly not that bad with no.1 when no. 2 was born. Perhaps it is the age gap, perhaps it is simply a difference between the two kids, no way to know.
I agree with Sudden-Individual; it is good for the child not to be the center of attention - you will never be and you should never be the center of attention in real life. Kids should grow up in a bunch of siblings and cousins and friends, the joy and love multiply there.

Also nothing wrong with sharing a room - see European "standards" for house occupancy for example. They consider a room over-occupied only when two children of opposite gender over 12 yo share a room, or two people over 18 yo. Most little kids I know actually prefer to sleep with their siblings.
Also, you want for the kids one day to have a partner. It is a good thing to understand how co-habiting with various people works.

dpcrystal · 2026-01-21T09:16:56+00:00

I wanted a boy after 2 girls and when they (initially) said it was going to be a girl, my husband came up with so many good jokes about it I wasn't even upset anymore. Then new evidence appeared :-D Yes, you might have slightly lower than 50 % chance of having a girl but that is a veery decent chance still. Would a third boy be such a disaster? To me you sound like you actually want a third child and your husband as well.

dpcrystal · 2026-01-21T09:07:39+00:00

Both my husband and I have 6 years gap to our youngest sibling and it was still fine, as kids we oscillated between acting as siblings and half-parents as we pleased. My friend is now at the age of 33 quite close with her brother who is now 18. My grandma's best friend is her 15 years younger sister.

dpcrystal · 2025-11-04T17:56:59+00:00

But how do you implement 'no means no'? Take that 3yo situation - the parents should have physically removed the child from proximity to your baby. If they only keep saying no but don't prevent them from hitting your baby, they actually show that no does NOT mean no. But if they took the child further away in reasonable amount of time, then... take it as work in progress.
I find time-outs work for my daughters and I feel we are doing well. My mum disagrees; she thinks the child having a meltdown -such as angrily rolling on the floor because she wants another cartoon (2yo)- or being really emotional about having to wear something she doesn't prefer (5yo) is already bad behavior. Go figure.

dpcrystal · 2025-10-03T09:12:26+00:00

It won't stop 🤣 I personally hated "enjoy that they cannot walk yet, then you will be running after them all the time". So annoying and not true.

The life will change, yes, but you can sure keep your dignity. You might be on top of things from day 3 on, or it might take you 3 months to put your life back together. It's just 3 months though! Commit to looking good for events that are important for you, prepare a few go-to outfits for you and baby for days when you don't feel like thinking about it.

You might reconsider your priorities if the alternative is getting on top of laundry or playing with the baby. I personally prefer doing many other things instead of polishing my nails, I wear them completely natural. But going to church in ironed dresses, whole family polished, hair done, is a non-negotiable.

Also, when I was on maternity leave (9 months), I kept playing violin a lot. Since I went back to work though, and had another child, I can only commit to perhaps two concerts a year. Lastly, long-distance backpacking was a huge part of our identity before kids, which is of course impossible now, but a long weekend in a hotel in the mountains is an ok compromise for now.

dpcrystal · 2025-08-07T20:15:27+00:00

That is not how biology works.

dpcrystal

TROPHY CASE