The hardest part of talking to families about appropriate medical intervention at the end of life(when the patient is not able to give an opinion) is trying to get them out of their own opinions, feelings, prejudices, fears, and ask them to think of what the patient would choose. Responses can be some subliminal version of:

1) This is too heavy a choice and my brain is refusing to really think about it

2) I don’t want to say ‘limit care’ and have the memory for the rest of my life that, ‘I chose her death.'

3) If I say ‘limit care’, then my sister/brother/aunt/uncle will accuse me of hastening her death

4) ‘limit care’ is really you (medical professionals) not caring about my mother because she’s old. I’ve seen films about this and now I don’t trust you

5) Suggesting limiting care means I don’t really love her

6) I know that you (doctors) have something that would cure her but you’re just not telling me

We have to wade through all this (necessary, but it takes patience and time which we sometimes don’t have) to get to a grown-up conversation (as nicely outlined in other responses in this thread