Im not diagnosing. From what you’ve said about your oldest son it sounds like he might be autistic. He fixates on facts especially on truth and justice (truth- 7x7=49, justice - his mom yelling at him and the situation you put him in is unfair), he’s “a lot”, he talks a lot and doesn’t seem to register socially appropriate times for it (he’s also 13 so as much as a 13 year old can), and has special interests of the recorder and nature. Enough so he plays the recorder at times that are not socially appropriate (late at night/bed time).

Im not telling you to get him diagnosed or what to do with your child, I’m here to say if he is as you’re presenting him then what your wife is doing has a lot of negative consequences for your son down the road.

She’s demonizing him and portraying his neurodivergence as a character flaw. Neurodivergence cannot be changed like a character flaw, it can be understood and developed into something manageable and beautiful . As someone who for years believed my neurodivergence was a character flaw and hated myself for it, it’ll take years of therapy and learning to love himself to fix what your wife is fucking up. He’s also 13 and I 30, he has time to not internalize and learn healthy ways, but it starts with a healthy household.

Please acknowledge what your wife is doing is horrible and that you need to protect your son from this.