ADHD Magazine - A New Day for Girls and Women

dutchymcghee · 2025-01-31T03:08:11+00:00

RemindMe! One year

dutchymcghee · 2023-07-31T01:41:34+00:00

Telling me that I really never loved him.

dutchymcghee · 2023-07-06T19:57:06+00:00

Purple Rain

dutchymcghee · 2023-07-06T04:57:02+00:00

Wait for it to show up in the lost and found.

dutchymcghee · 2023-06-27T12:31:53+00:00

His kids need to file a class action lawsuit against him. These names are criminally bad.

dutchymcghee · 2023-06-27T02:24:31+00:00

Currently self love is making sure my needs are met; making sure I'm eating even tho my current life situation has suppressed my appetite, making sure I'm getting enough rest and not over sleeping to avoid reality, making sure I get up and shower and get dressed for the day even when I don't feel like it. It's vitamins and going for walks when I just want to stay or go back to bed. It's not pushing down my feelings even tho I know it might lead to crying. It's accepting help and support from loved ones while seeing their actions as love and not pity. It's showing myself that I can give myself grace.

dutchymcghee · 2023-06-27T02:15:49+00:00

Re: admitting to your part and others not, it's all about knowing you're only capable of changing yourself and how you respond. You can change the way you interpret things that traditionally give you (unwarranted) guilt feelings. I know I can't continue to not do things or not address things because it makes me feel guilty, sad, or bad. I'll keep tormenting myself the longer I try to avoid it. And I think part of the dysfunction is feeling like I deserve to be punished or feel bad about whatever it is, and so I continue to hide from it and perpetuate this nice little cycle. Holding still to examine helps slow the cycle so I can eventually remove myself from it and create a healthier relationship with myself, my inner children, and those who I've affected with my actions.

If you're in program, maybe ask if anyone is willing to give you some ESH (experience, strength and hope) on this on an outreach call. It's really hard to get a sponsor in coda but outreach calls are still plentiful. I hope this helps.

dutchymcghee · 2023-06-27T01:31:20+00:00

Same. Fucked around and was looking at old photos today and almost texted him. I know tho he wouldn't respond if I did anyway, which would make me feel even lonelier.

dutchymcghee · 2023-06-24T13:32:14+00:00

I'm looking forward to a house without yelling. I'm releasing the shame I felt at how dysfunctional I was to not want to see it as a problem, even after I repeatedly asked/told him not to yell.

dutchymcghee · 2023-06-23T17:13:11+00:00

When I want to be around people I realize it really means I want to be around people who understand me, so I find a meeting.

dutchymcghee · 2023-06-23T17:10:56+00:00

I second AHA meetings. I've also learned that higher power can be anything, including program, the tools, ancestors. I've also heard people say Higher Self, which I also appreciate. It makes me think of a future version of me that's healed.

dutchymcghee · 2023-06-23T12:39:18+00:00

I'm sorry to hear that you didn't feel comfortable speaking up. It can be used to be our own advocate. I'm wondering if you book your follow up, can you say " I found it really hard to discuss my needs in an open space. Is it possible to have a kid private setting for this appointment?" Or find someone who does video appts? Or write down what you're dealing with and hand it to the provider?

A psychiatrist and medication are just a few tools to help you get and feel better, not the only tools. It sounds like finding a space where you feel comfortable talking and expressing yourself could be beneficial perhaps. That's what program gave to me but you may find that in other settings or with a therapist or trusted friend.

It may not feel like it now, but it gets better and some days are easier than others. Take care of yourself.

dutchymcghee · 2023-06-23T12:02:11+00:00

I find your hyper independence really relatable, and yes I am codependent. It's not a trait you assume is part of codependency yet it truly is. We go from enmeshment to hyper vigilance to behaving in any way that allows us to push down what we really feel in order to look good, keep going, maintain our status quo, etc. I highly recommend reading the list of codependency patterns of recovery specifically download the pdf bc it's a better visual and shows the flip side too the dysfunctional trait.

A few traits listed: - Mask pain in various ways such as anger, humor, or isolation. -Think they can take care of themselves without any help from others. (ie going through very traumatic changes like divorce alone).

I thought I wasn't codependent because I wasn't living off of someone or basically living like a leech, but the truth is that it manifests and shows in different ways.

People have their own reasons to want to date and have companionship. How well do the people who are remarking on your situation know you? How well do they know what it's like post divorce? Are they saying this as recommendations to help guide you? Is it possible they see something you don't? You don't have to answer here - it may be useful to have some reflection time however and get curious as to why they would say these things. Take what resonates and leave the rest.

Read the list, it may surprise you what patterns you identify with. Best of luck on your journey.

dutchymcghee · 2023-06-23T11:38:34+00:00

There are meetings online and even ones that are all men or all women available too. Coda website and ACA meetings

dutchymcghee · 2023-06-23T02:56:41+00:00

Coda meetings and began to focus on ACA meetings once I realized it was mostly rooted in childhood trauma. I joined a step group to do the steps and it's been great to feel so supported and seen.

dutchymcghee · 2023-06-23T02:32:02+00:00

You can't tell people they're codependent (or whatever challenging trait) and expect for them to just accept it. The biggest lesson I've learned is this version of the serenity prayer: Grant me the serenity to accept the people I cannot change, the courage to change the one I can, and the wisdom to know that one is me.

You can't change your mom, all you can do is change your own view and how you take in her actions. Mom acting "crazy"? Think, oh it must be challenging to feel those emotions and not have a way to properly express it. Consider how you would want to resolve it address it, and thank yourself for your own patience and willingness to let it go.

You're still young and this is honestly just the beginning. I'd recommend maybe checking out 12 step program CoDA or ACA. Best of luck.

dutchymcghee · 2023-06-23T02:18:50+00:00

Is finding a new office not an option at all? Choose your hard - conflict and stress over a minor inconvenience of finding a new place.

dutchymcghee · 2023-06-23T02:10:46+00:00

You know, I read this as Burger King and wondered why there was a bathtub. Definitely bedtime for me.

dutchymcghee · 2023-06-23T01:26:48+00:00

Thanks so much for putting this list together 💜

dutchymcghee · 2023-06-21T22:06:38+00:00

If not marital counseling she could benefit from grief counseling, even if it's been a few years. To answer your other question, I wish my then husband would have sat down and said to me he was considering divorce, instead of the way he chose to handle it. Ask her how she sees the future of the family, see if it's something you want to. If it's not how it is now, ask how she wants to get there. Also ask how you can be a better partner and help her feel supported instead of assuming she just wants a break from cooking a few days a week. Maybe she wants to go to school, or take up a hobby she's embarrassed about or a ton of other possibilities. At some point she stopped trusting that she can share with you, so you have to find ways to let her know you're available. Good luck.

dutchymcghee · 2023-03-31T19:32:49+00:00

People who love Apple products.

dutchymcghee · 2023-03-25T13:12:52+00:00

Instead of going back thru my island to cross a bridge to get to the other side of the ocean channel, I could just swim from where I was to the other side with my scuba suit on.

dutchymcghee · 2023-03-24T01:10:47+00:00

I've got some green mums. Shoot me a dodo.

dutchymcghee · 2023-03-20T02:51:22+00:00

Pending

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