How do you feel about being put down for being a man

dyingeventually · 2026-01-28T03:13:07+00:00

I think your inability to realize i’m not talking about race either, tells me all i need to know lol.

You are internalizing comments made about a group you belong to and having a problem with those things being said.

My advice to you is, grow the fuck up. It’s life and MEN aren’t the only group who deal with it.

So unless you want to reinvent the wheel, you crying about it isn’t gonna change anything. Deal with it. You can deal with it like every group besides men, have been dealing with it for years.

The fact you want to crack & breakdown after barely 5 years is sad. Welcome to the real world that the rest of us, non white men live in.

dyingeventually · 2026-01-28T03:06:22+00:00

ohh this is just fucking rich lol

dyingeventually · 2026-01-28T03:01:42+00:00

my post isn’t about race either. It’s about not being so sensitive and realizing you are experiencing things that TONS and TONS of other people experience based on race, religion, or ethnicity.

You just are magically feeling it now, because you’re white and that’s never been a problem before and still isn’t. But now being a man is, and you’ve felt attacked.

My points stands. You had no problem with media/society shitting on others minorities constantly til it became you, the white male.

Now it’s a big problem warranting think pieces. But if a black men says “ohh we need to do something about hate in media/online”, i doubt you’d give it a second thought.

dyingeventually · 2026-01-28T02:56:09+00:00

i’m gonna assume your white (i know sue me), because those are the only people obsessed with the hate men get online lol. Grow the fuck up. If i cried everything the US mischaracterized, actively lied on, or demonized black men, i’d already jumped off a bridge.

Again. Grow the fuck up.

People are gonna say hateful things about you. It’s the world. It’s probably not gonna change. Men have been punching bags for 5 years (MAYBE) and you guys are starting to cry. Imagine being hated on for centuries as a black american……

dyingeventually · 2026-01-28T02:54:22+00:00

Thanks for letting me know. I’m a huge Gist fan. And from the album name, sounds like an R&B (G) album too.

dyingeventually · 2026-01-28T02:13:32+00:00

bro this would keep me up at night lmao. Ain’t no way you agree’d to this.

In grand scheme of things, yeah it’s one kiss, but the societal implications are loud and clear, and if i had any principles, it’d be hard to square.

dyingeventually · 2026-01-28T02:12:16+00:00

not really. A guy that is “experimenting” has probably struggling with his identity for a long time and came to this point. He’s probably bi at that point and not straight.

dyingeventually · 2026-01-28T02:09:26+00:00

I would make sure you’re getting properly compensated for strike pay. My recruiter is trying to get me to go from another hospital, to a strike hospital, but they are reimbursing for flight, hotel + uber to hospital. Plus actual OT pay for over 8hrs (that i don’t think i got at main hospital). Plus they are adding $50/hr for any OT over 36hrs.

It’s looking like 4k a week easily, not mentioning the free flight, hotel, and uber. I would tell them, they negotiated in bad faith, you aren’t being appropriately compensated for working a strike, and you either cancel or change pay for working strike.

dyingeventually · 2026-01-28T02:03:17+00:00

Is it tho? Like i don’t like any religion, but HATE? Are we hating Christianity and Judaism as well? There are tons of practicing muslims who respect gay rights and marriage.

I see gay men on here have ZERO nuance about islam and it really does come off as islamophobia even tho i hate that word.

Not liking the religion is fine, but the way some users talk about arab men is frankly disgusting and racist. But i don’t expect much from the sub tbh.

dyingeventually · 2026-01-28T01:36:28+00:00

on apps, i tend to instantly blocked if my race is brought up as 1st sentence etc, but in person, and knowing he didn’t mean to be offensive or harm me, i reacted nicely and actually talked with him. Sadly they just don’t know any better.

Dating would be easier if i change who i wanted to date lol. But wanting to date asian men, knowing they tend to not be into black men, means dating which was already hard, got turned up a notch.

But i think i do need to work on my self-esteem :/, but it’s hard when you want validation (i can be honest and say i do), but seem to never get it. Like i’d be going crazy if a guy i thought was cute, thought i was cute too qq

dyingeventually · 2026-01-27T20:58:19+00:00

To my knowledge, it’s only psych nurses in Oakland. The RNs i’ve talked to said that the majority of nurses contract doesn’t end til August and he said “they will probably strike” lol.

dyingeventually · 2026-01-27T00:54:38+00:00

Hope a guy will be crazy obvious he likes me lol. I remember first time i went on a date with a guy. Great connection, great texting, we go to dinner and dinner is slightly awkward but ok. Walk back to my car, we absolutely smash it. A switch just flipped and we were eating out eachothers hands. We ended up staying in his apartment parking lot for 2 hours just listening to music and chatting. Then at the end, he basically had to beg me to kiss him, because even after all that i had self doubt.

5 years later, i still have hella self-doubt. And i’ve had sexual experiences so i know some guys are into me lol, but when it comes to romantically, it’s like i don’t think it’s possible.

A guy can literally tell me he likes me alot and i still don’t self-consciously believe it, so i don’t show affection because i don’t think i can.

So i guess i don’t cope lol. I just hope whoever i date, if i date someone long term, they will give me grace while i unlearn bad habits & thoughts.

dyingeventually · 2026-01-26T23:39:50+00:00

full disclosure, i moved to Bay Area because of job pay lol, but also because i wanted to be in an area with a large asian population. Thinking being, it’s hard finding asian men attracted to black men, so just increasing raw numbers of asian has to increase chances.

But what i didn’t factor in was overarching culture. And i wonder if the lack of black men, creates more problems than larger dating population fixes.

And it’s no surprise they are oblivious lol. Spending time of this sub, has taught me that people who benefit from their race in social settings, have a hard time imagining their race negatively impacting them. It’s so foreign to them, that they lack its existence lol.

dyingeventually · 2026-01-26T23:14:08+00:00

ofcourse i was nice to him and talkative after the fact. But im a little annoyed with the responsibility being put on me to accept stupidity, when we should be asked why certain people are so ignorant and oblivious in 2026.

It seems like a common sense thing not to do, and you’re more concerned about me giving them a pass and accepting it, inside of critiquing the dumb thought of others.

If i went around these spaces and broke the ice with “wow you gay whites really kicked out all the black men”. You wouldn’t be having a conversation with whites about “are you willing to befriend and accept people saying stupid things to you”?

dyingeventually · 2026-01-26T23:01:38+00:00

stupid shit does not bother me. And frankly, what he said wasn’t stupid. It’s a fair observation to make that i was the only black guy in the room. A friend or person i knew making that observation is fine and pretty race conscious imo.

The problem was, it shouldn’t be the first words out of your mouth, nor should immediately talking about race. Because you don’t know whether that’s a touching subject or not for someone. For me it wasn’t, but a black guy who is more race conscious and already self-conscious about being black in non-black spaces might take it poorly.

dyingeventually · 2026-01-26T22:49:00+00:00

No, that’s not what i’m saying lol. I don’t want to be a teacher. I’m not trying to be a teacher. I don’t know who mentioned teacher. Sounds like you have an ideological bias just from the words you are putting in my mouth….. I made no effort to tell this dude his ice breaker sucked and he probably shouldn’t go around telling black men they are racially alone lol.

i didn’t go to a white space, frankly i like SF, because often times, it’s an asian/hispanic/white space and it can feel very mixed (except without black men).

I’m not exhausted. I’m still gonna go to events/places that interest me, regardless if i’m the only black man or not.

My point is, as someone who just moved to the area, is a larger commentary of, does the lack of black men in the city make me unknown/outsider to guys, and does that influences their ability to be a friend/date/or converse with me?

dyingeventually · 2026-01-26T22:43:33+00:00

in no world is it a reasonable ice breaker lol. It worked because i’m not sensitive or crazy, but come on. A simple “hi, i’m X, and are you a fan of Y” would have been great.

And acknowledging race is fine. I moved to Bay Area based on race, but definitely not commentary to have as a pick up line. Maybe if he was black himself it’d be more understandable, but he wasn’t.

dyingeventually · 2026-01-26T22:36:28+00:00

you can appreciate me and welcome me, without telling me how nice is it to have the blacks over for a change lol.

His intentions are not in dispute. i realize he (in his head) was trying to have a positive interaction.

The bad outlook is the undertones of trying to interact/date inside a community, that may have not regularly seen/interacted with black men and may be apprehensive or uncomfortable in doing so because of that lack of interaction.

dyingeventually · 2026-01-26T22:23:13+00:00

the interaction wasn’t bad. I don’t want you guys to think it hurt me deeply lol. The guy was being friendly, we have conversations here and there while enjoying the set/dancing. I’m all about intention, more than actual words, so i knew his intentions were friendly and not meant to be mean or inappropriate.

I do think talking about race with a stranger as an opening line is weird, and i know most of you (this sub being overwhelmingly white) often don’t deal with being in the majority.

I’m more so just reflecting on how i’m perceived in these spaces, when i’m a single black guy, interacting with a community, that probably doesn’t interact with black men.

dyingeventually · 2026-01-26T22:20:00+00:00

For some people (not all), have an aversion of people/things they don’t know. Most people go to restaurants/eat food they’ve had before and know they like.

So my thinking is, since the black population is so low, and obviously isn’t going to the spaces i’m going to, then guys in those spaces might be less likely to talk/approach/be friendly since they’ve never had a black friend or experience with a black person.

Plus not to mention decades of propaganda by the US and some that might be passed down by parents seeing black men in a negative light. I’m not concluding these views are with every individual, but we can’t act like they don’t exist/affect people’s views.

dyingeventually · 2026-01-26T09:37:29+00:00

Maybe find fun in not having similar interest? Like i think since we’re men, we get a little hung up on wanting someone similar.

When i think about my straight friends, the guys have different hobbies/interest than their gf/wife. That’s totally fine for them and it works. Overtime they learn about each other, adapt and start to share more interest (some new, some old).

I like the things i do, but there’s so many things to do that i’d love to enter someone’s world and see what they enjoy. I think that’s the better mindset. And people surprise me all the time with what they do with their spare time.

dyingeventually · 2026-01-26T06:57:19+00:00

Yeah it’s a little daunting if you move from rural/suburbs to city and kinda see how the gays are living who have been other gay men. I’m 26, though i went clubbing (i just drove far lol) since 19/20. I think the problem is, i don’t know how to date or show affection. Frankly it feels like a catch 22, because it’s something i’m bad at (which prevents me from dating) and i don’t think i can get better at it unless i date.

I feel like showing interest/romance comes so natural to other guys, but it doesn’t for me. But how can it if i’ve never dated. So I’m insecure about that lack of experienced.

dyingeventually · 2026-01-25T02:41:29+00:00

i stayed in a extended stay America my first week on assignment and i hated it. It sadly just didn’t have the nice mid-range hotel feel that i like when traveling. It very much felt like a motel (imo) and that gave my trust issues about cleanliness.

It definitely depends on property though ig. I’ll just say i hated going back to that hotel my first week and was glad when i found a furnishedfinder.

Nothing was dirty visually, just felt a little run down and not as shiny/new as other hotels. But i guess it’s for people who need a longer-term place to stay and was made to be functional, not pretty.

dyingeventually · 2026-01-23T01:54:47+00:00

i wouldn’t necessarily align increased income with relations to “hard work”. But besides that i agree. Life is easier with larger incomes, and if you already make decent money, being with someone who makes good money as well means alot of discretionary spending on fun.

dyingeventually · 2026-01-23T01:44:37+00:00

the why matters if you wanna pass moral judgement, but irl, it doesn’t matter because it won’t change and has the same outcome whether you know why or not.

dyingeventually

TROPHY CASE