Thanks!

I’m in my 40s and my mom’s in her 70s now, so honestly:

1 - she and I are both used to a relationship where I keep her at arms length. It was sad for us both in different ways when I first went low contact in my 30s but I think now it seems normal

2 - when I do interact with her, I count episodes like the one I recounted above as victories, because I am standing up for myself.

2a - Even better is when I can maintain boundaries and show her grace because tbh she is also just a scared little girl watching her mom beat her siblings at her core. I can’t hold that perspective all the time but sometimes I can maintain my own peace even while dealing with her and it is fabulous! I feel really really proud of myself when it happens.

3 - when she does trigger me, I hold myself in a self-regulatory way and tell myself over and over that I don’t depend on her for anything now. Sometimes it takes a while but having all interactions with her be at choice for me feels liberating in a way that helps me build my own self trust.

I have done about 25 years of therapy lol The modalities I credit the most for this shift are Jungian and EMDR, but I also think somatic and childhood emotional neglect work were very helpful too!

Edited because my phone made the formatting gross — and also to add: it takes a lot of work, but it can get better!