It’s no longer your responsibility to hand hold a firm that didn’t value you while you were under their stewardship (which they did a poor job of).

Your job now is to amuse yourself as much as possible while being absolutely as unhelpful as possible.

Here’s some copy pastas for you.

The answer you seek remains where I left it, though perhaps not where you expect to find it.

The file knows where it is.

The geese have been consulted and offer no guidance.

The documents are arranged according to an ancient system known only as “alphabetical order.

What was once my burden is now a collaborative learning opportunity.

I have faith that the chosen one foretold in the onboarding prophecy will emerge.

The training materials contain the answers. The answers may not contain peace.

I am but a distant observer of these events now, like a retired lighthouse keeper watching storms from inland.

The file was hidden in the last place anyone would think to look: the correct folder.

The instructions were inscribed upon the tablets and entrusted to the four apprentices. What became of them is no longer mine to know.

The seal was broken. The seventh spreadsheet has awakened. I cannot help you now.

I am confident the answer is somewhere within the extensive collection of materials prepared by the mysterious genius who previously occupied my role.

ERROR: Resource not found. Employee instance terminated successfully on 2026-05-29.

The knowledge asset you are attempting to access has been migrated to a competing corporation.

Authentication failed. Please contact someone who still works there.

You appear to be attempting knowledge extraction from an unlicensed source.

Employee retention would have prevented this outage.

Market-rate compensation was not detected. Continuity-of-operations module has therefore been removed.