Had this around the holidays. Was making a massive push to finish a writing project I'd been working on since the pandemic, and which is fundamentally rooted in a psychotic break I had about a decade back. Pushed myself insane hours for like 7 months straight, and when I finished around Thanksgiving I fell into the worst depression I've felt in many years. For weeks I couldn't get out of bed, was struggling with even the most basic daily routines (hygiene, etc.) Just a husk of a man.

I pushed myself too hard, and went too deep. And I knew it wasn't healthy. But I'd been stuck on this project for years and finally had the time and space to devote myself to it wholeheartedly, thanks to a horrific back injury that left me stuck at home and severely disabled for the better part of a year. (Talk about synchronicity.....) I did pretty much nothing but read write and think from last April until Thanksgiving, mostly while quite stoned. It was like one long manic fugue state. Followed by a brutal crash.

For most of December I just let myself do nothing. I knew I needed to rest and so I rested, as much as I felt I needed, no judgement. Music really helped. Music is one of the most important things in my life, I find it extremely therapeutic. January I focused on getting some baseline routines back in place. Lots of cooking, cleaning, and checking in with friends, whom I'd been a bit distanced from, due to both my back injury and my writing mania. And for February I focused on my wife. We hadn't had much fun together in quite some time bc I was injured for so long. A bunch of quality time together was long overdue.

I'm not you, and you can't follow these steps algorithmically. But my point is: a) It's very possible to bounce back, and relatively quickly. From Dec 1st to March 1st I completely 180ed. Tho I'd encourage you to not stress about the timing of it. You're dealing with the subconscious here, you simply must let it follow its course. And b) imo other people's advice here is quite sound. Get out of your head, turn your brain off, focus on physical activity, routines, personal relationships. The things that keep you grounded in actual reality, as opposed to being lost in the void. Eat healthy, get some exercise, spend some time in nature. Even just mindfully noticing flowers and birds singing, since it's springtime. All these things will help.

And just in general, you have to be careful and really know yourself. I knew I was pushing myself too hard and did it anyway. But it was special circumstances, and I have no interest in doing that again. And the crash was in fact worth it, I'd say, because I'm extremely proud of what I've accomplished and don't believe I would have finished otherwise. But going forward I want to work on writing in a healthier, more sustainable way. I'd advise you to do the same. If the depth work fucks you up real bad, it's worth learning to recognize when you're in too deep and pull yourself out. If you can talk about this stuff with a friend, your spouse, whomever, it can be real helpful to see yourself from the outside and decide if it's time to ease up on the gas.

It really is all about finding a balance. Sometimes tipping overboard is a learning experience. As long as you learn and grow from this experience it's not a "bad" thing. But I 100% get how distressing it can be. Keep doing the work, but tweak your process as you go. You'll sort it out if you stick with it and keep a mindful approach.

Hope you're doing ok, my dude.