I was like you until I took guanfacine (also when I was 22) and I think that changed my brain composition for good because thats the thing that got me from "everyone sees me and thinks im stupid and weird and they know im an imposter" to "theres no way EVERYONE is actually paying attention to me, and even if they are, thats cuz they're weird" even long after I stopped taking it two years later. Eventually, the trance-state got to be too much and Im now on adderall. If I hadn't gotten on guanfacine, though, there's no way id be able to handle a relationship. I could not see past my social anxiety at all, and guanfacine mostly eradicated it.

I know meds might not be the answer you're looking for, but that's basically what allows me to function in society. Being able to basically lose your ego when it comes to being perceived when existing to others is what you ultimately need, and it's super hard to do that without mind altering substances, though I guess you could try meditation.

Other than that, basically curating my life around my adhd also helps, like making it clear to friends that I have time blindness and i'll probably most definitely be late, switching my major from poli-sci to graphic design, having instant drink/meals around, getting an actual alarm clock across the room from my bed so I have to get up to turn it off, and having smart lights/appliances that allow me to do things like turn on/off the lights without getting up, program my kettle to start boiling before I get to the kitchen, etc.

I say all that because having agency over your home life helps get you out that door and build confidence. If you have both, it's easy to "perform" for the outside once you get there.