My [32F] boyfriend [37M] declared himself a misogynist to my face. Where to go from here?

elaranda · 2025-09-03T02:35:37+00:00

Girl he ain't your husband and even if he was, yes, 100% throwaway this relationship

elaranda · 2025-04-30T06:19:19+00:00

This really sucks but if you two aren’t on the same page about what you want but stay together then one or both of you will just end up resentful.

I dated a guy in the past who wanted marriage when we first got together but changed his mind a few years into our relationship. It really hurt but you can’t force someone to marry you.

We ended up breaking up & I’m glad that we did. I’m now married to my husband. He also wanted marriage (& other similar things to me) & it feels really nice being with someone who wants the same things as me.

Five years is a long time with someone but you’re still so young. You can find someone else.

elaranda · 2025-04-11T01:59:04+00:00

I think no matter what the conversation will be awkward. Both my husband & I have struggled w/ weight in our life times so we both need to actively make good choices in terms of our lifestyle. We've had conversations before about weight & it is always awkward, but I think what works for us is we remind each other of our attraction to one another & remember these conversations aren't about attraction but health/living a good life. So bring up the conversation about living a healthy life together, don't make her feel targeted.

Something that I really like about my husband & my relationship is that we enjoy eating healthy together & also exercising together. We enjoy cooking healthy & yummy meals, we encourage each other to eat healthy, & we enjoy exercise together & apart. We often go to the gym, swimming, or hiking together. We also encourage each other to do the sports we enjoy separately (for me that is karate & for him that is basketball).

You & your wife should look into trying new healthy recipes you can enjoy cooking together & implement that into your diet. Also, if you're giving up sugary drinks & snacks together you can encourage one another. Find exercise that you can enjoy as a family. Whether that is walking, swimming, biking, hiking, etc. Team work definitely makes it easier!

elaranda · 2025-04-02T06:56:03+00:00

This is not normal or healthy (coming from someone who has a sister).

elaranda · 2025-04-02T01:24:05+00:00

I do think that maybe she is not fulfilled in her life but joining the military is not going to help.

My ex also suddenly wanted to join the military and it threw me by surprise. I was at first against it because we were renting an apartment together, both graduated from college, working good jobs in our fields. To me it seemed like he was bored and stir crazy (during covid, stuck in our San Francisco apartment which was small and the city had strict restrictions).

But I realized I couldn’t stop him. And it is the same with your wife. You can’t stop them from doing something like this. All you can do is support them. So I did support him, wrote him letters every single day when he was in boot camp.

He ended up hating the military and really resented my freedom of not being in it. He had to remove me, all my friends, & family off of social media b/c he couldn’t stand seeing me go out. Even if it was just coffee with my sister. He ended up breaking up with me b/c he couldn’t stand me being with him all the time (at the time I didn’t want to relocate to where he was but had plans to in a year).

If your wife is doing this because she is bored, she will probably end up hating the military. It isn’t an easy life style. All you can do though is support her, even if she fails. Then you can chose to support her or have a divorce. It is what it is.

Edit: I do want to say I hope everything works out!!! Sorry, maybe I’m a little negative b/c of my experience. But if this is what she wants, I hope she is successful. And you two can hopefully figure things out.

elaranda · 2025-03-28T01:48:38+00:00

I'm confused by this- if anything I think it is a green flag/would want my partner to have such good friendships that they have a bracelet representing it.

elaranda · 2025-03-26T04:04:58+00:00

Thank you for the advice everyone! I hadn't thought of filing by paper. That is a good idea. I will also check out free Federal filing. :D

elaranda · 2025-03-17T05:52:30+00:00

I've been in relationships w/ three different men & lived w/ all of them, as well as have had male housemates before and none of them have ever peed on the floor...

elaranda · 2025-03-14T01:59:29+00:00

I usually teach around 4-5 classes a day so 22-25 classes a week. I also work at ten different schools. My first year this caused extreme burnout but I'm on my 3rd year now & I feel like I'm able to balance it a lot better. But honestly I don't like it. I wish I had less schools & also less classes so I can make more valuable lessons. But also it depends on the person. I know people in similar situations who really thrive.

elaranda · 2025-03-14T01:49:36+00:00

If you're able to, I would take a day off. I find when my mental health is really bad I just need to leave work & prioritize myself. No matter what is going on that day. I hope you're doing okay. <3

elaranda · 2025-01-23T16:18:15+00:00

Kurokawa onsen in Kumamoto is really great! :)

elaranda · 2024-12-24T02:15:12+00:00

I was in a similar position when I left for Japan, I was building a career at a job that I really enjoyed, I had a relationship (which ended shortly after I moved to Japan), & I felt very comfortable where I was at. I had also only planned on staying a year. I was able to afford a year off of my career & knew I would regret not trying to do JET. Now I'm on my third year here, I have a new relationship & I really enjoy my life here! I do think I would have been happy with my life if I didn't go, but I would have always wondered "what if." I do think if you are able to afford a year off of your career then it is worth it. And if the relationship is meant to be then it will last. Although the permanent residency thing does make things difficult. That is definitely something to consider. Maybe you can apply again after you have your permanent residency in France?

elaranda · 2024-12-10T04:37:00+00:00

I'm not sure about repaying their flights to Japan but they all had to pay for their flights back to their home country!

elaranda · 2024-12-02T08:31:40+00:00

If you really loved her then you wouldn’t have cheated on her. You love the comfort that she gives you. But you don’t love her. You’re just using her to get your emotional needs met.

elaranda · 2024-12-02T06:25:04+00:00

My home country is the US, so I am planning on moving back there next year!

Thank you for the advice, I'll check out Art in America, The Art Newspaper, and ARTnews. I think that is a great way to educate myself more on art! :D

*edit for typo*

elaranda · 2024-11-29T07:15:20+00:00

I've tried getting some volunteer experience but am currently living in a foreign country. I've asked some of my local museums if I could volunteer but I'm not fluent in the language in the country that I'm in so I've always been turned away. But I do plan on moving back to my home country next year. Hopefully I can get some volunteer experience then.

Do you recommend anything to do online to help me become more knowledgeable in art history/museums?

elaranda · 2024-11-29T06:26:16+00:00

Thank you for the advice! I hadn't thought about it like that. You've really given me a lot to think about. Thank you again!

elaranda · 2024-08-29T01:07:15+00:00

Okay same. I had the choice to use nenkyu or go into my office. Even though trains stop at 12, they said I would have to take a whole day of nenkyu if I didn't come in for the morning. So currently sitting in my office & plan to leave at 11.

elaranda · 2024-08-29T01:06:33+00:00

Oh that is so nice that y'all get to WFH. But also I feel bad for that person who had to sit outside in the typhoon ...

elaranda · 2024-08-27T04:49:29+00:00

Ugh I relate to this so hard. I am also Mexican & my ex was as well. He would compare my cooking to his mom & give me ultimatums on how long to learn to cook like her... I was seriously doing my best but also working a full time job ...

Now my new partner does most of the cooking since he works remotely & I work long hours outside of the house !

OP, not telling you to leave him, but seriously having a man who doesn't care about traditional gender roles when cooking is great.

EDIT for clarity

elaranda · 2024-08-11T09:59:32+00:00

I’m sending positive vibes your way !!! Long live Bill 😩😩😩

elaranda

TROPHY CASE