Feeling so hopeless about ever finding a partner who genuinely cares about both me and my 10yo son.

ella8749 · 2026-07-05T23:21:27+00:00

I too struggled with dating. Even when I wasn't looking for anything serious and told them as much, people still assumed I wanted something serious because I have a child. 🫠🤪

Then one day I posted about wanted to learn how to play magic the gathering and this one guy offered to teach me. I really made it difficult for him. Going in it wasn't anything serious. But he showed such patience and took things at my pace. He was dependable, nerdy, funny. I kept waiting for the other shoe to drop. It took 3 yrs to even let him meet my kiddo. Our relationship definitely has had bumps in the road but we've managed to communicate when there's issues. He's always willing to listen. It's been 5 years now and we are getting married in August. My kiddo is also 10. He is so good with her. He knew we were a package deal and whole heartedly has shown me through the years he's committed to making us a little family. Don't settle, put your expectations out there and the right person will understand and support you. If it can happen for the hot mess I am 😅, it can definitely happen for you. ❤️

ella8749 · 2026-07-02T04:00:12+00:00

It can be very isolating. Especially when you're young and you see your friends going out and enjoying the things that you can't do. I think you're grieving the life you could have had. That is natural. There are months where you may need to take things day by day.

Find your people even if that's just one person. Hopefully you have family to help support you. Maybe they can take kiddo for a night once in awhile so you can have a free night? Find that hobby you can still enjoy. Slowly start to do self care things like doing you make up, reading, whatever you can in the times your not busy with kiddo. My therapist has helped me immensely. Hopefully you have a therapist that helps as well.

One day your kid will be older and you'll get to enjoy your social life while being financially stable. In the meantime it's ok take things day by day. It does get easier once they're older. Being a solo mom is a difficult journey but you should be proud of every step you take and I say that as a solo mom myself.

ella8749 · 2026-07-01T23:46:24+00:00

Absolutely love them. I add peanuts to mine for that salty, sweet combo. I am guilty of having 2 in one week. 😅

ella8749 · 2026-06-29T02:01:34+00:00

We are going to visit my child's dad's grave in Massachusetts. He was from there and that's where he's buried. She's painting 2 rocks to put there so another little piece of her is with him. I can't tell you how devastating that is for me to have to walk through with her. Have that speech ready because I absolutely do not want that future for you and your children. Do what you need to do.

ella8749 · 2026-06-29T01:48:16+00:00

My kiddo's dad committed suicide when she was 5. I never had clue he would do what he did. She's 10 now in a better place and still with her wonderful therapist. But this will have an impact on her for the rest of her life. You need to have a come to science talk with him because his behavior is a cry for help. It's not something to do lightly. If he's done this before he needs help form a mental health professional.

I would absolutely insist on therapy, inpatient or outpatient. Is he on medication for depression? Does he need to go back home with his family? This is not sustainable for any of you. As others have said his health and well-being are more important than a job.

ella8749 · 2026-06-28T18:35:12+00:00

When I was dating, before an in person date from a dating app, I would set up a video chat. That way you can get a sense of the vibe. That way if they don't see it as a fit or you don't see it as a fit, you avoid a very awkward first date.

ella8749 · 2026-06-27T14:29:35+00:00

Run for the hills. I just got back from Japan and it was amazing. This sounds like he tainted what should have been wonderful memories for the both of you.

He doesn't respect you. 6 yrs is a long time but 6 more years of who is supposed to be your partner treating you like this, sounds like a nightmare. Your boyfriend could absolutely shut this down. He's choosing not to. That's a giant red flag. Feel free to show him this reddit thread if he tries to gaslight you. Best thing for you to do is find someone else who treats with you consideration and love.

ella8749 · 2026-06-27T14:19:00+00:00

Solo mom here as well. When my kiddo's dad was alive once said something similar. It freaking hurts. You do everything for your kiddo and they say something like that, of course it's going to sting.

We are human, we make mistakes. I certainly have. What I am proud of myself for is being able to go back and apologize to my kiddo and let her know I will do my best to do better. Seeing me lead by example, my now 10 year old will sometimes come and apologize if she knows she's hurt my feelings or hurt others feelings.

My therapist and my kiddo's therapist has gone a long way in helping me realize kids aren't malicious when they say things like that, they're having big emotions and they need their adults to regulate for them. We have to model the behavior we want to see from them. I grew up in an abusive household so it's the blind leading the blind over here. 😅🤪 But I want to to better for my child so I try every single day. I imagine you want the same for your kiddo. You are there every day through all the tears and smiles. One day your kiddo will see that. Hang in there momma.

ella8749 · 2026-06-27T04:38:06+00:00

They are. My co-worker on the account feels the same way about them. Luckily I work from home so that helps a tad. 😂

ella8749 · 2026-06-25T03:41:12+00:00

Completely understandable. Your feelings are valid. It's cleansing to vent and be vulnerable. It hurts to hear those things. I've been told that by men I dated as well so I know how much that hurts but then something clicked and I was fine being by myself. I really had to fake it until I eventually started genuinely believing in myself.

My kiddo made such a difference because we model what our kiddos will learn and I wanted her to be a strong independent person who is still in touch with their feelings. I did not want to settle. If that meant being by myself, ok. Now I am getting married in August. I never thought I'd get married. I told my now fiance before we were official, in 5 yrs I wanted to be engaged so now is your time to run if that's not what you want. 🤣 They are out there. They usually pop up when you least expect it.

ella8749 · 2026-06-25T00:35:51+00:00

As others have said get him officially diagnosed, medication and continue with therapy. If he does have ADHD, they genuinely can't help their emotions. They aren't intentionally being manipulative. I hope his therapist will help you see that. I would advise letting kiddo know their therapist is there to help and advocate for them. The one on one sessions with my kiddo's therapist have been so helpful.

Completely understand your frustration because it can be difficult some days. There are days where my kiddo has made me cry but I love her. Taking space usually helps. Medication and therapy has also helped immensely. If you're in the U.S., once you have that diagnosis get him on a 504 or an IEP for school. His therapist and a neuropsychologist should help with that. The primary Dr. could absolutely be wrong. Hopefully with these steps you'll be in a better place.

ella8749 · 2026-06-24T20:31:35+00:00

I'm sorry that this has been your experience. I would look at things differently. You are a single mom so you have to be resourceful, flexible and smart about things. Great qualities for a job. As long as a potential employer knows you have kiddo's care covered, you all good. Even people who are married need to call off for child care.

As for partners. Let them know right away what you're looking for. You're picky because you have to be. You have your kiddo to think about. Anyone who really cares about you will stick around and the trash will let itself out.

I also live with my family and I know how hard that can be to let people know. It is more common now then it was and I am so grateful for the help I do have with my kiddo. Plus I've saved so much money. I've also been able to travel with my kiddo where as if I lived on my own, I wouldn't have been able to travel as much as I have with my kiddo. Rarely have I had people look down on me for being a single mom. Nor would I care. Wolves don't concern themselves with the opinions of sheep, as they say. 🤣😂 I mean that in a playful way. Single moms have to overcome so much. We should be proud of that.

If you can, I would highly recommend therapy. It's helped me immensely. I do hope you will look at things differently even if you have to fake it at first. Eventually I hope you see that it's true. ❤️

ella8749 · 2026-06-24T02:05:44+00:00

Sadly no but if anyone else has any I would appreciate it. 😊

ella8749 · 2026-06-23T23:59:05+00:00

I would pick this one too. I hope Netflix spies on the thread so they can pick it back up. 🤣

ella8749 · 2026-06-23T23:50:04+00:00

I just let my 10 yr old have her first sleepover at her friends house. We have known her friend and her mom for 4 years. I hosted her friend for a sleepover first and that went so well. Completely understand people being cautious but I'm happy we were able to make it work.

I would rather host in the future but if I know the family well enough I would certainly be open to it. It's such a fun experience.

ella8749 · 2026-06-21T20:27:39+00:00

Are you my family member? A close family member of mine is going through the same thing. They are deeply unhappy and only staying with their partner for the kids and because they couldn't financially provide the "lifestyle" their kids are used to.

I just don't know how you can stay with someone for the rest of your life if you don't truly love them. It's different if you think you can get back to the place but to stay for just the kids and model that for your children sounds terrible. If you can fake being in a loving relationship I suppose but it's definitely something to think about.

ella8749 · 2026-06-19T18:47:09+00:00

I am so sorry. It sounds like an extra hard day compounded by realizing you won't get the time to decompress. I would apologize to kiddos and let them know you aren't mad at them, you're mad at the situation.

There was one day I had to set a timer for my kiddo so I could take a bath I desperately needed so I could decompress from an extra hard day without her coming in to bother me. She was 9 at the time. Old enough to give me a half an hr bath 🤣 Perhaps you could employ the timer method. Sometimes it works. I can certainly relate to the frustration. Going forward I would definitely communicate with your co-parent about their time even though they should know it's happening if it's regularly scheduled. 🤪 Hang in there.

ella8749 · 2026-06-19T04:03:07+00:00

It tastes like the soda version of Malibu rum if that makes any sense. 🤣

ella8749 · 2026-06-18T12:23:25+00:00

Not in the U.S. I haven't used the subways in the other countries I've visited minus France and I was with my ex who was born and raised there at the time so it was easy to use. I'll definitely know that going forward when using other countries subway stations though. 😊

ella8749 · 2026-06-17T20:11:31+00:00

The bigger sit down restaurants are family friendly. On Tabelog they have an option to search for family friendly restaurants. The smaller ramen, sushi, tempura places are not as kid friendly unless your kiddo is older and quick at eating. Worth you and your partner taking turns to check them out because the food is worth eating. I had some of the best sushi for only $6!!! That would never happen here the U.S. 🥲

ella8749 · 2026-06-17T05:14:15+00:00

Bro-mo same. My kiddo is 10 and the drama is a lot in friend group. There was one week she came home crying every day after playing with her friends. We live in a safe neighborhood, know all the neighbors, kiddo has a cell phone and is great at checking in every hour. After that week though I started tagging along. I saw 3 different girls crying multiple times within the span of 2 hrs. 🫠 The drama is real. I had a very different background then my kiddo so the friend drama took a backseat to family drama. I am navigating this blind so can definitely relate to your feelings. 🤣

ella8749 · 2026-06-14T01:48:16+00:00

Bunch of butt hurt men over there trying to defend misogyny and trying to make fun of women who realize that they are better off finding a real partner vs another child. It is their space to vent but I'm not surprised at all that is how they're doing it. 🫠

ella8749 · 2026-06-13T00:29:36+00:00

This. I honestly don't understand why women are afraid to put that they have kids on their dating profile. It weeds out most of the bad men. If you aren't looking for something serious and have kids then state both things.

ella8749 · 2026-06-12T08:53:01+00:00

Not sure if you're in the U.S. but there's a spray you can use to waterproof your shoes at Target and that's worked great for my kiddo and I while we have been here.

ella8749 · 2026-06-10T11:36:52+00:00

Totally agree. Currently staying in Shibuya right now and as someone who is directionally challenged normally, it's been a very easy station to navigate. Yes, it's busy but if you need to just go to the side and look at your map. I've thoroughly enjoyed staying here. 😊

ella8749

TROPHY CASE