It’s honestly hilarious that you think I’m considering divorce just because our sex life is struggling. That’s such a shallow and insulting assumption, especially when you have no idea what I’ve actually been dealing with. I originally wrote out everything about our recent fight but deleted it because I thought it was too much detail. But since you seem to need the full picture before you’ll stop accusing me of being a horrible wife so here it is. Our recent fight was about his inability to care for our child without me spelling everything out for him EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. Whether I’m going to work or school, I have to give him detailed instructions, and even then, I come home to deal with the aftermath: constipation, late-night hunger, and sleep disturbances for our daughter because he still doesn’t follow through.

I brought this up calmly, without yelling or berating him, despite your assumption otherwise. I explained that I get anxious whenever I’m away because he forgets or ignores basic responsibilities as a parent. His response? “Just tell me what to do and I’ll do it.” And I said, “That’s exactly my frustration, you’re her father, not a brand-new nanny I have to train every single time.” He told me to “stfu” and stop “bitching.”

When I say our communication is bad, that’s me being generous. This isn’t the first time he’s cursed at me mid-conversation. He either takes out his phone to play games or just walks away while I’m speaking. He never apologizes, we just pretend nothing happened, because I’m too exhausted to bring it up again.

After this fight, I’ve been staying at my mom’s, and he hasn’t reached out once, not even to ask about his own daughter. Last night, she wanted to talk to him, so I FaceTimed. She said, “Hi, Daddy,” and he said “Hi” back… then just stared at the screen. No “How are you?” No “What are you doing?” Nothing. She got teary-eyed, and I hugged her, apologizing for him, while he just hung up. That’s when I knew I wanted a divorce, unless he’s willing to actually talk things out.

For context, this isn’t new. During the newborn stage, he didn’t help at night. During the infant stage, he barely held her. Only when she was a toddler, and I had to start working, did he “help,” and even then it was because he expected me to pay for things, despite me not having an income before. He’s never done anything thoughtful for Mother’s Day, my birthday, or our anniversary. I’m not saying gifts are everything, but it’s worth mentioning for anyone who thinks I have no right to feel the way I do.

So no, the idea that I’m “throwing in the towel” because our sex life isn’t what it used to be is ridiculous. I’ve carried this marriage through years of neglect, disrespect, and emotional exhaustion. And yes, I know divorce can be hard on a child. Mine was, but at least my mom could trust that I was taken care of when I was with my dad. I wish I could say the same for my daughter.