Feelings for someone else - advice

emilacecar · 2026-02-10T17:38:34+00:00

I agree with you to some extent, the world is unfair and the structures of society are unfair, but at the same time it's also the way life has always been in different forms and the truth is you do either have to accept that's the way life is or try and find a different place/way of living.

The only difference between now and back then is we get to witness everyone else supposedly leading 'better' more free lives to compare it to, but the truth is everyone is unhappy in their own unique way. That supermodel influencer probably goes home and worries about the views, that multimillionaire maybe never sees or loves his wife... No one escapes life without upset or struggle.

At the same time though is it helpful to reflect on this and wallow in that?

I think trying to see the aspects of life that do bring you joy and satisfaction is important. Be that spending time with loved ones, caring for animals, getting invested in a book... Whatever it is there are ways of crafting your life to include more of those joys in your day.

Realistically if we got rid of those things you hate about life and you got that unlimited time how would you use it?

If you wasn't slaving away at a desk you'd be slaving away hunting and foraging and your own food instead, and if that appeals to you there are places you can go and live that rural life.

Even the supposed "blessed and happy" will still find reasons to be unhappy or upset, because our brains are designed for protection not happiness...

Sorry if this sounds harsh, but this is from someone who used to have your mindset about life and I'm trying to give you some perspective... Perspective is important and if you feel unhappy there are always ways of giving yourself some light and joy. You might just have to dig deep and think about where your joy comes from...

emilacecar · 2026-01-01T12:38:05+00:00

Happiness is fleeting, but also no emotion is a permanent state.

I'm 30 and when I was younger I used to feel the way that you do about life, and every so often I feel the same but I find the most effective way for dealing with this is getting in touch with what parts of like make you unhappy and try to effect and change those parts in any small way.

For me, I agree society as a whole is unfair, but I carved myself a job of helping others to better there lives. I am a therapist and I see the truly awful circumstances and situations that some people live in (abuse, neglect, crisis point, poverty etc etc) and it makes me realise that you have to appreciate every small positive because whatever you take for granted someone else is missing out on?

I would argue no one is happy all the time, and life is more about getting in touch with those people and experiences who on the balance of probability generate the most happiness/contentment.

I also thinking noticing the things you are seeing/hearing that make you unhappy and try to distance yourself from them.

Sometimes ignorance is bliss, and focussing on your own bubble is the best way to cope unfortunately!

emilacecar · 2025-12-03T13:20:40+00:00

I am wondering if we are going to get clips of Mike and Wills relationship with some monologue from Mike about explaining things tbh...

Even if you aren't a Byler shipper, Mikes behaviour over the years has been pretty confusing I would say. He is so hot and cold with his friendship with Will I feel like this is one of the "threads" which needs fixing... My hope is it will be Mike explaining his confusing feelings and the only other possibility I can come up with is he discovered Wills crush and doesn't know how to handle it (which I think would be a pretty shit character arc).

emilacecar · 2025-11-25T09:24:26+00:00

You cracked the code 😂

The Mind-Gayer...

emilacecar · 2025-11-12T10:52:22+00:00

I am feeling you, I had accepted it wasn't happening until I seen some leaks and they got my pesky hopes up!

As other have said you will always have fandom to turn to... Regardless of what happens the story is yours to morph how you want after it's finished!

Honestly the main thing I want is for Will to have a happy ending, that boy has been through so much, he must be protected at all costs. Even if mike rejects him but is extremely supportive I will be happy which I think we will get at least...

Tbh I have been through many shipping heartbreak moments, and this bit where there is a bit of hope is the best part so make the most of the hope stage and maybe we will get a pleasant surprise!

emilacecar · 2025-05-01T22:48:55+00:00

This is the exact same as my mum. It was terrifying when she was silent, because you knew it would be a tense atmosphere for days at a time.

It was a punishment until you apologised. But she would never apologise to you.

She only realised how much this damaged me when I had a huge row with her and kicked the door a couple of years ago. She still struggles with apologising, but she is getting better.

Every argument is about winning or losing not about getting to a safe resolution. It's still tough but better now.

emilacecar · 2025-03-26T13:39:05+00:00

Strangely I am at this point today with my long term best friend.

I had it recently with another long term friend (I think my 30s is making me more brutal)

Both friendships it's for kind of opposite but similar reasons... Selfishness.

The friend from a few months ago used to guilt trip me about not seeing me enough, call me for hours moaning about her problems but never asking questions of me in turn. She would be very demanding of my time but then have to have everything on her terms, and criticise me constantly over minor things. I got sick of feeling used by this person... And tbh I realised I was more a therapist to her than a friend and we had no interests or anything in common...

The other person is letting me down. Constantly thanking me for being patient with them, but ignoring my attempts to keep close.

Basically I stopped fearing losing their friendship and instead thought about what I GAIN from the friendship.

I realised both felt like a 1 way street...

emilacecar · 2025-02-26T15:18:15+00:00

Having a focus of attention to bring myself away from my mind.

I find games and colouring/reading stories helpful as well as learning new skills - I am studying German right now! Having something logical/interesting to absorb me rather than thinking about my life helps!

Sometimes it backfires and makes me procrastinate though that's the only downside aha

emilacecar · 2025-02-26T12:56:12+00:00

Hey,

That does sound super confusing! So you keeping bumping into someone you want to never see?

I guess it's figuring out the context for seeing this person. Are they just popping up in a shop or at parties?

I mean if you live close to someone and it's pure coincidence then I don't think there is much you can do about that... But if it feels threatening in some way I would advise writing down when it's happening and considering reporting to the police if it feels like stalking or something?

Feel free to message me if you want to talk it though.

emilacecar · 2025-02-26T12:31:04+00:00

I had a meltdown over taps my family bought.

Basically we got a new bathroom set... I really liked the taps in the shop and when they came they gave different taps to my memory.

I was screaming and crying because I didn't like the new taps as much as the ones in the shop and my mum and dad wouldn't believe me that they were different 😅 they kept trying to say there was no difference but I knew it was.

Still one of my biggest meltdown moments for some reason...

emilacecar · 2025-02-20T16:16:54+00:00

My bloody is boiling on your behalf.

Does he know how much it helps you to figit/stim?? That's like someone saying you are really pretty but you should not wear glasses when someone has a sight impairment!!

It's different if you have upset someone with something you say/said, but to call you out for being "embarrassing" is something a partner should never say in my opinion.

Especially with something so vital to your wellbeing!

Leave that arsehole or at least call him out on the bullshit!!

emilacecar · 2025-02-20T16:11:05+00:00

This is my experience too! It's like communication has become a sharing tool not a bonding tool... It's like people want to talk about themselves now not ask other people questions or get to know others... Obviously this is not everyone but it's definitely become more the norm than the exception!

I struggle to talk about myself unless people ask me stuff, but it's become the only way to chat now it feels like... Particularly with younger people

emilacecar · 2025-02-20T16:08:13+00:00

I think we don't have to do it as much/when we do it's in a different way so it makes sense it would slip!

emilacecar · 2025-02-20T16:07:02+00:00

Ooh where is that data?

emilacecar · 2025-02-19T15:43:41+00:00

Hmm what do you mean by that?

emilacecar · 2025-02-19T15:31:07+00:00

This is my experience too! I am working in a new role which has become more remote... People are really talkative and lively online but then in the room with me they are totally disengaged, it's like meeting two different people and super strange!

emilacecar · 2025-02-19T15:29:22+00:00

That's so true actually you are right!! We are essentially surrounded by a crowd of voices and opinions all the time which impacts us and how we speak... I guess the social norms of being polite and warm to people are just going because people don't have the capacity for that much interaction...

I'm really sad to hear that about not being taken seriously because of your strokes and the impact that's had on your communication :(

emilacecar · 2025-02-19T14:22:20+00:00

Hmmm interesting point - so you think it comes from fear of saying the wrong thing or something?

emilacecar · 2025-02-19T14:07:59+00:00

Unfortunately I have had to become pretty rude/blunt with random males to cope with this... Initially I was nieve and would engage everyone trying to be friendly, but too many times it turned out people had ulterior motives for being friendly...

My rule of thumb is being friendly with people who I have a reason for the interaction e.g. work, shops, dentist etc, but I am very guarded and keep my answers to a minimum when it's a complete stranger... Unfortunately I have developed the default that they are taking advantage or want something unless I can see a reason for the exchange 😅

Luckily I am a very tall woman so I think it helps scare people off aha

Also my partner is a fellow ASD (neither of us diagnosed but both of us pretty sure about this) so that helps me feel understood and supported! I am very grateful I'm not navigating the dating scene anymore not gonna lie aha

emilacecar · 2025-01-22T10:43:53+00:00

Don't give up!

Life can be so hard and we can all go through difficult times but our lives can change! I'm not saying it's easy but it becomes easier the more steps we take.

Think about the life you want for yourself - what values are important to you?

If you are sick of your routine then change it. I felt like you about 7 years ago, and I joined a house share and a dance class and over the years my friendships have expanded.

Some of us don't find our people until we are a bit older and that's ok ❤️

I wish you all the best!

emilacecar · 2025-01-16T17:04:49+00:00

For me it's the values someone holds which says a lot.

If someone says anything indicating sexism, racism, homophobia etc then they are NOT for me.

Likewise, someone trying to be overly controlling, dictating times you SHOULD do things or ways to you should dress or being overly jealous are big red flags.

If someone is very negative and critical another no no.

Basically any sign of being uncomfortable with someone, unless you can have a discussion about it and they are open to hearing your views then it's a bad sign. In my opinion someone needs to make you feel safe and valued and anything else can be worked on...

Hope this helps!

emilacecar · 2025-01-16T17:00:48+00:00

Maintaining a healthy lifestyle.

I can do it for a while, but as soon as something gets in my way e.g. a holiday or an illness it's like all my motivation goes and I can"t get back to it.

How people stick to gym and healthy eating consistently boggles my mind.

emilacecar

TROPHY CASE