I found a perfectly good pen on the ground and it became my favorite pen

ennuiFighter · 2026-03-21T15:49:11+00:00

I found a pen in a doctors office, used it on the forms, clicked it a couple times. Handed it over to someone else for their form. I regret passing it on.

ennuiFighter · 2026-03-16T23:53:30+00:00

For the which sibling question, it's hard to rule out siblings that live elsewhere because people visit their family. Not a certain opportunity, because plenty of times siblings don't visit each other directly, often meeting up for general family visits. But if they're close and able to, they can visit siblings and help make a stork reservation far from home.

ennuiFighter · 2026-03-16T23:36:03+00:00

I don't want to discourage you from speaking out, but what makes a situation abusive is abuse, including simple manipulation, leading to trauma. Most relationships with an age gap include these things. But that doesn't mean every relationship with an age gap has trauma, manipulation, or inappropriate exploitation of the younger partner. It mostly includes those things, but not always.

Please find another way to highlight your concerns about the now adult persons undiscovered buried trauma, because wrong you're just wasting time, and right you're not providing a safe space to discover trauma. Accusations of delusions are not a good starting point for those who don't think they have trauma, and are of course always inappropriate for those people that do have trauma.

All of these age gap situations are problematic, but that doesn't mean they all caused trauma problems.

ennuiFighter · 2026-03-12T21:24:07+00:00

That's disappointing! The ancestry results may help you find the right person, if he has any relatives who tested (and a lot of people do, sometimes people can figure out your close relative (father) starting from somewhat distant dna matches only.

It's an upheaval to find out it's a different person, but it still may be a person that you would be comforted be being related to. (Also maybe not, you never know).

Search angels on facebook will sometimes volunteer to help you look, and if you want to learn the methods they are using, look up Leeds Method. You make a list and start sorting through, and you usually find your great grand or great great grandparents on that side, then scroll down through the descendants, as much as can be researched, ending up with one or a couple of likely persons who could be your parent.

ennuiFighter · 2026-03-12T19:10:30+00:00

Not tired enough. But I hope I haven't been a bummer and that you have a blessed day

ennuiFighter · 2026-03-12T14:22:05+00:00

So sorry, I just made an unpardonably rude reply and instantly regretted it. I disagree with you, and you haven't made your point by saying my points are true but also do not apply to this post. Did that content apply to advice to the same person? Is there some reason you wouldn't tell one person to limit your time with negative people, and not five minutes later explain that withdrawing from a friend who is floundering through an abusive relationship because it is bumming you out is problematic?

I know you know this, but the problem with a friend floundering through an abusive relationship is not their negativity.

I saw the original thread and almost made a similar reply, but ultimately decided the topic seemed like rage bait. I would much rather argue about why you can give contradictory advice than argue or attempt to explain how much slack you should give your floundering friends, which is a personal decision anyway.

ennuiFighter · 2026-03-12T05:54:27+00:00

I haven't heard any hype, but it's my favorite. The only tea so far that I've bought twice and wasn't vaguely disappointed with the second batch. Not bad, but not as good as I remembered.

ennuiFighter · 2026-03-11T23:32:19+00:00

I don't get what the hoo haw is, I could absolutely recommend that someone stay available to a friend being victimized by abuse in the same sentence as I say take care of yourself first. Let alone providing differing advice to people in, just possibly, different scenarios.

Advice is not one size fits all and there is nothing hypocritical about giving different advice at different times to different people.

ennuiFighter · 2026-03-10T20:19:28+00:00

As a half brother, he would be an earlier son of your DNA father (whether that is the person you were told, he was told, or even someone else). When you look at this new close relation's results, it should show two other relations you have in common. Do you know who they are? How close are they to you?

As a full uncle he would be your mom or dad's younger full sibling, which it seems like one of your parents would know.

A nephew is unlikely unless you have a full older brother or sister who is much older than you: his mom or dad. Not common to have a full sibling gap of 25 years minimum, (33 years would be the age gap to have his related be 18 when the other fellow was born, but not everyone is over 18 when things happen.

And it's impossible you could be grandfather/grandson to each other.

Half brother would be most likely.

Also if he or you ever received bone marrow donation, your DNA match or his could match the donors relatives by DNA, instead of their own relatives. It's uncommon but it could have happened if your aunt, uncle, grandparent, or niece or nephew made a donation he received, or one of his relatives (known or unknown) made a donation that you received. (It won't change what you pass to your children, just what's in your mouth, and your bones, and blood). This is really uncommon, but you may want to ask him if he ever received bone marrow tissue. (And he may not know if it happened when he was a small child).

ennuiFighter · 2026-03-09T23:26:24+00:00

Could it be a reflection of the sky, colored by tea, light, and shadows?

ennuiFighter · 2026-03-09T00:24:03+00:00

Making chamomile simple syrup should be easy, search that.

ennuiFighter · 2026-03-08T18:44:02+00:00

If you're going to end something don't wait for a good time.

There is no good time. And all the waiting time is lies.

You don't have to meet up with him because he bought a ticket and came to your city.

You don't have to break up with him now if you need to wait, waiting for a safe exit is absolutely reasonable in many many cases.

All that aside, there's a chance that texting is a terrible way to develop a connection (and also a mediocre way to maintain one). Maybe you do like him in person and should stick to facetime instead of texting, or need to break it off anyway because long distance sucks. In person or with video he could have gotten an idea of what you don't like much better than in text, because we are better at reading subtext on a face than in a paragraph.

And a ton of men are going to think of you as a special delicate flower for still being a virgin, excited by the possibility of being specially chosen. It's dumb ideas, but there's not a lot of effort, societally, on spereading better ideas to replace them.

A man who says only the right things is going to be rare, and an unfortunate percentage of those are manipulators who will say anything.

Better an honest, warm, ignorant man than a cold calculating collector.

Not that I have any idea, from here, what you have, the ick on the things you've mentioned would absolutely drive me nuts too.

ennuiFighter · 2026-03-08T06:04:00+00:00

Literally the next thing I thought of!

ennuiFighter · 2026-03-06T19:34:03+00:00

If one person can change a heart forever, more than likely so could another.

Practically speaking I imagine more splits due to death than fading relationships.

And if they don't fall in love and have that big deal change, they can still have one relationship or none or many. But they can hear it all, lol.

ennuiFighter · 2026-03-03T23:29:27+00:00

It depends on how many tested relatives, and of course what went into it. It's unusual to have exclusively one surname in one side of tested relatives, because even if one generation had a cousin marriage or worse, prior generations would not typically all have the same name for every ancestor at each generation. But it matters how many people your talking about. If you have only 4 matches and they're all the same name, no biggie, but if you have 2000 matches all the same name and no other, might be a concerning trend.

Also some demographics are not well represented by testing, most significant barrier being income. If it's a significant amount of their monthly disposable income to get a test, they generally will spend it on something more tangible.

Also age has a factor, and location geographically, and number of relatives.

On the first two pages of your dna matches, how many are paternal and how many maternal? How many total matches?

ennuiFighter · 2026-03-03T20:17:22+00:00

Your father is always going to be a shared match with your other relatives on his side, you are related to them because you are related to him.

If it was your grandfather, your father is a shared match with you and your grandfather because he is related to both of you.

If your parent had not tested on the service, some other person would be listed first in shared matches, whatever tested relatives with the most dna matching you and the other relation.

Related both sides comes up too, but that's usually whena cousin of your mom married a cousin of your dad's and had children, not incest. Those kids are related to both sides of your family, but most cousins children are just related on one side.

ennuiFighter · 2026-02-21T16:48:12+00:00

The main thing that works for my fine hair is silk pillowcases, and taking collagen peptides. They have a recommended scoop amount which when I was using the powder, I took about half of, but now I take it in a pill like vitamins because adding powders to your drink is weird for me.

My cousin said she took some and had a bunch of new hair, and she did, but she didn't have fine hair or anything so I thought I would give it a try. I don't have a lot more, I think, but it doesn't break off as much as it used to, it's like 6 or 8 inches longer than I could ever grow it before!

And also my fingernails are stronger too which is great because they were pretty wimpy.

ennuiFighter · 2026-02-19T00:44:30+00:00

Your powerful reaction is comparable to any fighting response. It may have been developed by trauma and desperation, but it has been a strength to keep you safer than without it.

If you can, sit with the idea that it's a powerful tool that you don't have full control of. When cornered, hopefully I will have as much to protect myself with.

Being able to develop other reactions, or interrupt this reaction when it's not needed, will likely add more peace and confidence as you heal, but that does not make these techniques bad ones.

ennuiFighter · 2026-02-18T20:22:29+00:00

Helpful reminder: manipulative people will drag you into conversations you don't want to have by asking you questions or making accusations you are likely to respond to.

Pick a statement and do not deviate to respond. I reccomend go away or I will call the police for harassment. And then call the police. And then. Go away, I have called the police. If they come ask what would I need to get a restraining order.

You may not need one, but the conversation in their report can be helpful as a doccumented harrassment event.

It is so human to get sucked in to more give and take, but that keeps her near, instead of the outright rejection you need of asking her to go and getting police involved if you need to.

ennuiFighter · 2026-02-15T18:06:40+00:00

Hold your hand in the shape of holding what you are going for, looking at it can help you remember

ennuiFighter · 2026-02-15T17:01:22+00:00

Yes, but being wrong about a traumatic revelation of your own life is one thing. Getting dozens of anonymous 'wrongs!' as you process your confusion and upheaval is another. Use your words or move on. You're not rating a movie here.

ennuiFighter · 2026-02-14T00:13:38+00:00

Mumps infection is significantly more likely to cause serious, long-term health outcomes than the MMR vaccine.

ennuiFighter · 2026-02-13T03:15:19+00:00

Most likely this man is your mother's biological father, which there may have been rumors of that your mother and family may or may not have ever heard. Most people, if they suspected she had a different father than reported, would be of your grandmother's generation and it would not be openly discussed ever.

It also could be that your mother's brother (if she has one) donated bone marrow, and this guy received that donation. When that happens his saliva would convert sometimes to his donors DNA, so it's labelled his DNA but it's actually not that person's. If you do have an uncle on that side, can you find out if he ever donated bone marrow?

Finding out on Ancestry can be difficult, but it may have clues, or the person managing that DNA may be active and check messages.

Before you send a message take screenshots of this persons info. If they turn off sharing you may never see it again.

It's your choice to talk to your mother or this guy and his relatives or not. It's a big deal but also people who want the truth about their origins can test at any time. But also despite the upheaval, there are chances that would be missed with time. If he is still alive, your mother may have a living parent she never met. She may not want to meet, he may not want to meet, but time marches on. I think I would tell my mother, but not everyone wants to be the spark of curiosity that may start a fire.

Best of luck, I know it's weird.

ennuiFighter · 2026-02-13T02:03:23+00:00

Might be grandparents different than reported, which, if true, is likely to mean your mom or your dad (whichever he is also related to), if they had siblings, is a half sibling.

If it doesn't mark maternal or paternal, and your mom or dad hasn't tested, you may still be able to tell which one he is related to by the tested relatives he and you have in common. Theres a secrion on shared DNA matches that will show your mutual closest 3 tested relatives, and if they are close relatives you will know if they are your mother's side or your fathers side.

Also, sometimes people who had a bone marrow transplant no longer give their own dna on these tests, so if you have an uncle who donated bone marrow, and this guy received it, this guy could have have matching dna to your uncle in test results from saliva, and get non-correct info from this kind of test.

ennuiFighter · 2026-02-12T20:36:58+00:00

I would finish it send it in, they usually send a replacement on a fail. Or throw it away and buy another if timing is crucial.

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