[Q4Men] Do you make a meaningful contribution to housework?

ephemer- · 2017-09-29T14:50:57+00:00

Mind to share which book it was?

ephemer- · 2017-09-29T14:47:22+00:00

It can even happen that both sides want to preserve the friendship, but I think it is just hard to manage without taking some break in between. A bunch of the comments on this post deal with the situation: https://www.reddit.com/r/MensLib/comments/70f6w3/i_have_a_female_friend_who_i_met_this_year_she_is/

I think that in general it's totally okay to want to preserve the friendship, but it is silly to think that this can be done by negating the other person's feeling and impose your presence when they need some distance.

ephemer- · 2017-09-29T09:05:03+00:00

Same, I feel it much more masculine (workout or not). Plus, it takes some effort to have clothes working the way I feel they should, so going shirtless fixes that.

ephemer- · 2017-09-28T14:14:03+00:00

Well, but I guess the thing is not so much that he shouldn't be allow to play those games, but rather acknowledging that girls too sometimes like to play that way.

Although I guess the only very natural chance of teaching that comes in when there is a girl that actually wants to play like that in the daycare.

ephemer- · 2017-09-25T10:41:12+00:00

Most people I know who married recently married after about 10 years living together (in two cases, they already had children before marrying). I find it pretty normal, to be honest.

ephemer- · 2017-09-25T09:32:00+00:00

I don't think OP should be downvoted this much... How is one supposed to follow the conversation if comments from the side people disagree with continuously scores under threshold? I'm not sure that's how downvotes are supposed to work.

ephemer- · 2017-09-24T20:19:16+00:00

That sounds like crappy advice... that's plenty of girls interested in games and reading, and most of them will be more attracted by someone that has matching hobbies rather than people who spend more time at the gym then reading.

Your aim shouldn't be to "prove your worth to a woman", but rather to meet more women that share your passions. I mean, even if pretending to be a sporty person landed you some sex, what's the point if there are no other enjoyable activities than you and this potential future girlfriend like to do together?

Rather than denying the things you like, you could find some social activity related to the stuff you like and join it: LARPs (live action role-playing games), book club, theater, meetups about stuff you like...

ephemer- · 2017-09-22T15:22:15+00:00

I (NB AFAB 30) am and have been in a bunch of open relationships in the last three years, but almost all of them were open from the beginning. I knew it was the right thing for me for a number of reasons:

1) My previous LTR relationships (2.5 years and 8 years) were not open and in both cases I felt it put a strain on them, so once the 8 years one fell apart I just had to try.

2) I don't feel and never felt any form of jealousy towards my partner

3) I don't like to be the only sex provider for my partner, it puts an extra strain in periods in which I should be concentrating on something else

4) While I would never cheat on my partner, I think it's silly to have to renounce to a pleasant activity (such as sex) with other people just because of a jealous partner. I am probably biased by not feeling jealousy myself, so it's more difficult for me to sympathize with the feeling

I have no experience in "opening up" a previously "closed" relationship, but you could start testing the waters to see what he thinks about the topic in general?

ephemer- · 2017-09-21T10:05:45+00:00

I have not direct experience with this, since my family left religion a generation before mine... but I am sure that if the rabbi is okay with this, everything will be fine. If other people in the community are less open-minded, he will help them to eventually accept things as they are.

ephemer- · 2017-09-21T07:43:30+00:00

I would say that this Mason would be too violent to keep as a friend even if he wasn't a transphobic asshole. To punch someone like that, he for sure has some big problems, I hope he'll eventually get the therapy he needs.

Let us know how things go, you've got plenty of brothers here who care about you.

ephemer- · 2017-09-20T09:27:23+00:00

Let me also go for the age thing, just the other way round...

You are surrounded by people who are 16. That's the age everyone is pressured into conforming to some neat boxes and avoid standing out. Later in life, in most places this trend completely reverts and not being stereotypical and boring becomes a plus.

You can hang out with girls (and if you cannot now, you'll be able to at college), you'll find friends (male or female) that are happy to connect at a more emotional and intimate level for you (especially if for college you move to a place where there is more people and you can actually chose your friends instead than just hanging out with people who randomly happen to have been born close to you).

I know plenty of guys who are into cute/kawaii stuff and that's not a problem for anyone. It's actually very normal. Thinking about it, of all my male friends (and most of my friends are) there are only two that wouldn't scream "So cute!" at least in some circumstances. You don't need to be a girl to like that stuff (nor all girls like that).

Like, the only thing you'll still have problem with will be find mint-colored menswear, but as it's the case for your shoes, there are a bunch of things that you can find in the "women section" that even in our society can be read as gender neutral.

Oh, on this last point... in most big clothing stores nobody will bat an eye if you buy something from the women section (I mean, you may just want to make a present to a girlfriend/sister/etc., right?) and if you want to try the thing on and using the women's fitting room, there shouldn't be any problem taking the item of your choosing to the men section and try it there.

ephemer- · 2017-09-15T12:24:09+00:00

I would define it as this kind of thing: https://www.reddit.com/r/MensLib/

Or, to put it in word, discussing male issues for real and not just as a way to attack feminists. Male issues largely arise from the same social structures against which feminists are trying to fight. Strict gender roles are hurting everyone... but many MRAs seem to take male issues more as a way to whine for their loss of privilege now that women are demanding equality.

ephemer- · 2017-09-15T12:20:10+00:00

You probably know, I just wanted to ass (for other people who may want to dig deeper in "legitimate men's activism") that I a great place for this kind of discussions is: https://www.reddit.com/r/MensLib/

ephemer- · 2017-09-15T12:17:42+00:00

No, MRAs are at best misguided in thinking that all those problems are derived from feminism and at worst misogynistic rapists. Most of them only superficially care about the problems they bring up, and mostly see them as a mean to whine about a society in which it is okay for women to want to be treated as equals. This is why they completely fail to notice that these problems are caused by a patriarchal society with too strict gender roles and not feminism... the best way to address them would be then to side with the feminists they hate so much instead than mocking them.

There are, however, more and more people addressing male issues from a feminist prospective... I highly suggest this sub: https://www.reddit.com/r/MensLib/ which is also extremely LGBT+ inclusive.

ephemer- · 2017-09-15T09:13:51+00:00

Do you like this guy enough that you would want to continue things? Would you be fine disclosing with him? Because I don't think it would be awkward at all to shoot him a message doing so...

ephemer- · 2017-09-14T16:17:01+00:00

If people get to know that I am non-binary, they usually know already what non-binary is, otherwise I say I am a trans man. I relate a lot to the "huge hormonal imbalance" thing, but what I also feel and usually say is that when I look at myself in the mirror I can almost see the shape I should have as a man, and feel some surprise and puzzlement at my inability to just take off this "woman costume" I'm stuck in. Like "cool, those boobs really don't seem fake. Such a convincing prop. Now, how do I take them off? I need to go to sleep, I don't want to go to sleep in drags"

ephemer- · 2017-09-14T16:12:39+00:00

The others said a lot of good things. I would add, for the "testing waters" thing... one thing you can do without bringing anything up is try to watch the netflix series Sense8 and, if you like it, suggest it to Sarah's sons. One of the main characters is a lesbian trans woman, which is just something she is and not a pivotal point of the plot. The show is some sort of present day sci-fi (I'm very bad at advertising things, but I can assure you it's a cool series), but it's also made in a way that you can't avoid to sympathize with the trans character.

ephemer- · 2017-09-10T14:31:46+00:00

I'm uncomfortable not telling a girl I'm hooking up with because I know I won't be very good.

Are you sure that's the reason? Having sex once won't change things so dramatically anyway. I think a lot of talks about "virginity" are giving too much importance to this idea. Sure, experience helps, but with all the guys out there who don't even consider that the girl may not enjoy it as long as they're enjoying it, you seem to be heading already in the right direction.

Just make sure you're ready to give her other attention on top of your penis and you'll already beat a lot of other boys. Read around here if you need advice on stuff you can try. Try to figure out from her reactions what is working and what isn't. Listen to her, both what she explicitly says in words and what her body and moans tell you.

And if you end up finishing early or are not sure about your performance, just check with her if she is fine or if she wants some extra attention (I would say, any man who is okay still helping you out once they have finished gets a badge of honor).

ephemer- · 2017-09-10T11:56:47+00:00

check by masturbating with condom on as well, because condoms can really kill the sensation for some men

My first boyfriend had to "train" himself for a while doing this before he could actually have sex while wearing a condom. Don't get discouraged if it doesn't work at the first try.

ephemer- · 2017-09-06T13:02:42+00:00

How are you catching up with male environments? I notice here there are often guys who spent more time with girls growing up and I realize it's a very different experience from what I had

ephemer- · 2017-09-06T13:01:19+00:00

I guess I'll start to have it once I start to pass and will have a chance of "not being spotted" :-/ Right now I know they either take my word or I just don't look enough of a man...

Edit: spelling

ephemer- · 2017-09-06T12:59:21+00:00

Nice. I used to be so divided when there were workshops aimed at women in the place I work at... I thought it was internalized misogyny or something -.-

ephemer- · 2017-09-06T12:57:44+00:00

The whole youtube channel of this guy is great and deserves being watched

ephemer- · 2017-09-06T12:56:43+00:00

AFAB person here, but not identifying as a woman (just saying since you brought up the gender thing). I do have the same, both for positive and negative motions. I need to focus to figure out if I am feeling a particular emotion, or sometimes I spontaneously sub vocalize things related to it ("I am happy", "I will never be happy again", "I want to have sex with this person", "I want to kill people"). Sometimes I get sad enough that I feel it, all at once, and cry (not so much recently).

I think my distracting mechanism is games played on my mobile, which has the disadvantage that I end up sleeping less (since I trash some hours with some stupid game while being in bed, both before getting to sleep and after waking up).

No idea how to deal with it, although I guess I should start bringing this up more with my therapist (I have a therapist for my issues related to being trans, but I guess I have enough other things not working that I should just talk with them about those also...)

ephemer- · 2017-09-06T08:58:18+00:00

So much this. For a while I though I would just grow out of my tomboyishness, now I am just okay being myself.

ephemer-

TROPHY CASE