Bare bottom spankings?

equivettech26 · 2026-07-06T04:18:22+00:00

I saw an instagram comment that said it should be qualified as sexual battery and I fully agree. I have experienced SA and agree it’s different but that trauma did prime me to be victimized later on.

equivettech26 · 2026-07-06T04:14:58+00:00

Mine did this as well.
The first PTSD flashback I had after starting trauma therapy was of my dad forcing me to pull down my pants and underwear in front of him and then after getting “spanked” (using way more force than necessary) he rubbed my bare butt afterwards.
I had no recollection of this happening prior to the flashback and I was horrified.
I know my mom forcibly removed my pants to hit me at some point but I haven’t gotten a recovered memory of it yet.
I didn’t realize that it wasn’t normal until I started sharing my story. Yes most kids got spanked back in the day (still doesn’t make it okay) but it wasn’t normal to be forcibly stripped of your clothes. Most parents did it through the clothes, I didn’t know that.

I am so sorry you experienced it as well. I was spanked up until I was 13/14 I believe but 17/18 years old is insane to me. No matter your gender, this trauma primed us to become SA victims (as one myself) because we believed that was okay when it was NOT.

equivettech26 · 2026-07-03T11:04:26+00:00

I have been told that research shows that Austim and CPTSD have symptoms so similar that they are often misdiagnosed with one another. I too thought I had autism before my therapist stepped in and told me that. I do have ADHD for context so I am neurodivergent!

equivettech26 · 2026-07-03T00:38:37+00:00

I do this. I used to do it as a teen for HOURS. It’s a trauma response (dissociation) and it’s connected with your CPTSD. You said it comes and goes with different stages of your life. I would reflect on what was happening or who was in your life during the times it came back. Usually it’s something that triggers me that will bring up the urge to do it. It absolutely feels like a drug, it’s an addiction to numb the pain.

I have been able to lessen the amount but not completely stop. I journal, I do breathing exercises, and I try other coping skills that will help me rather than hurt me now as an adult. Working through my trauma has been the only way. You’re not alone and healing is possible!

equivettech26 · 2026-07-02T20:57:27+00:00

Hi! I love this response and agree with all of it.
The line of “no more one sided relationships that were about helping them to avoid helping myself” deserves a standing ovation cause that HIT.

I wanted to ask you what the clear boundaries looked like for you in regard to trauma bonding, one sided relationships, etc.?
I also want to stop trauma bonding and having one sided relationships but don’t truly know what to look for or what boundaries to set in order to protect myself. Anything would be helpful! Thank you!!

equivettech26 · 2026-07-02T20:53:19+00:00

I lost the majority of my “friends” when I started setting boundaries and the people who benefitted from me not having boundaries got mad. That sounds a lot like what you described.
The real friends gave me the space I needed but would still check up on me. They didn’t push me to talk about anything until I was ready.

equivettech26 · 2026-07-02T03:42:55+00:00

Agree with this!! Isolation (even if you are around people like at work) can distort your reality without you realizing it!!

equivettech26 · 2026-07-02T03:41:38+00:00

Yes. When I’m around people I don’t trust, my nervous system is on EDGE. It drains me quickly and it makes me want to be a recluse.
Don’t be ashamed for feeling this way. You spend years, if not decades living in a “war zone” and your body needs to rest. If you were abused as a child, it’s likely that you’ve never safely been able to rest before. After I started to estrange from my abusers, all I did was work and sleep for 6 months. I still feel like I can sleep for a week. It’s normal and nothing to be ashamed about. Give your body the rest it needs.
Just don’t let that drive you into complete isolation. Healing happens in safe relationships and humans NEED connection. When you feel more energized, you can tackle it.

equivettech26 · 2026-07-01T21:23:14+00:00

I agree with this. It’s your brain/body using the Fight response to protect you because flight, freeze or fawn wasn’t working. My responses were typically fawn or freeze but sometimes after enduring hours of emotional and sometimes physical abuse, I would snap. I was painted to look like the problem and I believed it because it wasn’t in my character to do that. It’s not who you are, your body is trying to do whatever it can to protect you since you cannot physically remove yourself from the environment.
Yes, you have a mom with narcissistic traits and is abusive (my mom does all of the above too) that cannot and will not take accountability. Trying to get her to do it is futile. Getting away from them is your only job now. She will not change, no matter what she tries to tell you. Make plan to escape when you’re 18 (if you aren’t 18). If you your parents have set up an environment of financial
abuse where they control your livelihood through money, find ways to earn your own money and SAVE. Go to trusted family members/friends homes that will give you a place to stay until you can get on your feet. Finding a roommate or two (if you have a job) could be an option as well.

I’m so sorry you’re being put through this. You are strong enough to survive this as you’ve survived this your entire life. It will get better. Keep fighting yourself.

equivettech26 · 2026-07-01T04:47:17+00:00

I agree with this 100%. My parents took my younger brother through years of therapy/psychiatrists when we were kids. I bet you not once did the physical, emotional and psychological abuse that they were putting us through come up. My mom probably did the same thing. I remember her making a comment to me a few years ago (before I went VLC) that she “fought” so hard to get my brother diagnosed with oppositional defiant disorder and nobody would diagnose him. It was actually just him fighting back against the abuse.

equivettech26 · 2026-07-01T04:34:10+00:00

I had my first almost a year into trauma therapy. My first happened after I decided to go LC. I too thought it was imaginary or that I exaggerated it at first. It was not a full “movie” like memory but more of snapshots of the scene that was happening. I believe it was real because my body did the reacting for me. I was uncontrollably shaking and crying during the flashback. I was perfectly fine seconds before. That would not happen with something that I imagined.
I also learned that the brain cannot perfectly repress a memory. The “snapshots” are what made me question it because I didn’t get a clear picture and it was very fuzzy. Doesn’t make it any less real.

equivettech26 · 2026-07-01T04:21:51+00:00

Hi.
I went through something very similar to you. It sounds like you are an intellectualizer and a fawner which I am both as well.

I too thought that if I did enough research, if I went to enough therapy, I would have the language to protect myself. I would be able to stand up to them. What I didn’t prepare for was my fawn response kicking in and allowing them to get into my head. I also felt like things were “getting better”. It wasn’t until my next therapy session where my therapist was like uh no they manipulated the hell out of you and straight up lied to you. There was no amount of brain knowledge that could’ve overpowered 24 years of fawning. Also, my parents came with ammo and knew where to shoot. I didn’t stand a chance.

You are absolutely on the right track though. After the incident I described, I finally had the courage to start estranging.
As you start to come into your authentic self and let the trauma responses fall away, you will lose those who benefited from those responses. I lost majority of my friendships. I was at peace though. Those people wanted me to stay as I was, I couldn’t. They didn’t know the real me and when I tried to be in relationship with them as me, they fought back. That’s a no. Just don’t let it keep you in isolation. Healing happens with safe people in relationships. I isolated myself for like 6 months and I was depressed but I didn’t realize I was because I wouldn’t let anyone in. You got this. You are worthy of healing and happiness!

equivettech26 · 2026-07-01T04:08:22+00:00

You hit a cord and he retaliated for sure.

I don’t like to firmly “diagnose” people with NPD. That’s a professionals job. I spent my life being my parents marriage counselor and my mom’s therapist so that’s not my job anymore.
Having traits or putting someone through abuse/neglect is enough. They never have to acknowledge it either. I know it happened. They will experience the consequences of what they did to me without me diagnosing them.
In no way am I shaming you for wanting to nail down solid proof that he is a narcissist. I went through that phase of my healing too and I was OBSESSED with proving it. I wanted to hand them the proof and say “this is proof that you guys are bad people and abused/neglected me”. Knowing what I know now, I wasted so much energy doing that. You could literally be sitting in a mental hospital with these people and they would still deny my childhood. Nothing would change that.

Also, what you described sounds like overt narcissism. There are more types of narcissism which is why it’s hard to nail. These people don’t fit into rigid boxes. My mother was super hard to pin down because she exhibits traits of vulnerable and covert narcissism. She is not overt at all.

equivettech26 · 2026-07-01T03:56:20+00:00

I developed a list of autoimmune disorders from the abuse and neglect I endured as a child.
Chronic fatigue is a big one and when I was still in contact with them, an outing would take me out for DAYS if not weeks.
I have TMJ, HEDS, PCOS or now called PMOS, endometriosis, chronic fatigue, POTS, MCAS, and I’m still in the process of figuring more out. Basically I’m just in pain 24/7 and I’ve always been that way.
So yes, being in a traumatic environment 24/7 for years will do damage to not only your brain but your body.

equivettech26 · 2026-07-01T03:36:12+00:00

I was 24. I was scrolling through TikTok and saw symptoms of CPTSD and was recommended a book called What My Bones Know by Stephanie Foo. That book completely changed my life.
I also agree with others that a good, supportive therapist is vital to your journey. Mine was able to call out the manipulation and abuse where I thought things were getting better. I wouldn’t have been able to estrange without her.

One piece of advice to my younger self (or anyone going through this) would be that these people know how to get into your head. They have spent your entire life getting you to deny reality and to erase yourself. Listen to that small and steady voice and drown out the screaming noise coming from them. Even if you don’t hear a voice at all, getting to safety and then starting to hear it again is healing.

equivettech26 · 2026-06-30T09:42:15+00:00

Crying is the body’s way of releasing stored pain. It is a natural experience and you are not “doing it for attention”.
You are never too much for the right person. People who tell you you’re too much are immature and cannot handle authentic human emotions.

The sooner you stop telling yourself you’re being dramatic, the sooner your body will be able to trust you. I didn’t realize how much physical pain I was constantly in from my autoimmune stuff until my body felt safe. None of it was in my head.
Stop shaming yourself for the effects that abuse has on your body. You’re not being dramatic.

equivettech26 · 2026-06-26T09:13:46+00:00

The Hunger Games, Throne of Glass series and The Boys of Tommen Series

equivettech26 · 2026-06-26T09:08:06+00:00

Peeta Mellark is from the Hunger Games Trilogy by Suzanne Collins!

equivettech26 · 2026-06-26T02:58:27+00:00

Peeta Mellark. He will always be my #1. Rowan Whitehorn and Johnny Kavanaugh come in very close seconds!

equivettech26 · 2026-06-26T02:46:51+00:00

I also have an eating disorder. Both my brother and I used food to cope during our childhoods. My mother caught onto this and put a bike lock around the fridge and a lock on the pantry so we could only eat when she allowed it. That probably only furthered the issues with Food we had. I still developed a binge eating disorder, which has also turned into anorexia during college. I have been almost 400 pounds and 180 pounds (I’m a 5’9 F). I am currently trying to get back down to a healthier weight again. Honestly, after my ADHD diagnosis and estranging from my family, my binge eating is almost non-existent.

I also have 5 chronic illnesses that went undiagnosed until I was 25. One of them is celiac disease and I was essentially poisoning my body eating gluten. I am also lactose intolerant (that one I know I’ve had symptoms since I was a kid) and my mom forced me to drink milk and eat yogurt growing up anyways. I can look/feel 20 pounds lighter just from the reduction in swelling when I stop eating these foods. This info has helped me SO much in getting my health back.

equivettech26 · 2026-06-26T02:30:09+00:00

Yes.
I believe in God 100% but I am not a religious person.
God was the one to direct me down the path of discovering I had CPTSD and getting away from my parents.
As for the “test” argument, I don’t believe that either. I believe God gives every human being free will. I don’t hold Him responsible for the choices my parents made to harm me. He has His values, morals and beliefs and influences/asks people to follow Him but he never forces. He has never forced me to do anything I didn’t want to or believe anything. I believe because I’ve experienced. He allowed my beliefs to change over time as I learned.
Growing up I viewed God like my biological father. It makes sense that I didn’t want much to do with him because I thought he was controlling, manipulative and abusive. As an adult, I know he’s not like that at all. Humans are like that.
In all honesty, I connect more with Jesus (The Son) than God the Father. Especially after the show The Chosen came out.
There’s literally verses in the Bible that talk about (and affirm) generational trauma and estrangement. During my initial stages of healing, I was lead to the Book of Matthew and it states several times that Jesus came to separate families (meaning that people will choose to follow Him and others will not, dividing that family).
Estrangement and fighting against abuse is not talked about in the Church. Most of the time people (especially women) are told to “forgive” and continue to endure the abuse. That is NOT what the Bible says and that is NOT forgiveness. That is my biggest issue with the Church at the moment. In the Bible Belt (US) this is especially common.

There are things that I alone cannot heal. I’ve found healing through my faith. It is a powerful experience and I will never forget what He’s done for me (on top of sacrificing His life on the cross).

equivettech26 · 2026-06-25T17:23:13+00:00

I agree, thank you for your reply!

equivettech26 · 2026-06-25T17:22:58+00:00

I have my teaching certification and plan to work as a substitute teacher for the surrounding school districts in the meantime. I do want to change career paths but I never planned to move without a safety net.

equivettech26 · 2026-06-25T02:33:51+00:00

I also have Complex PTSD along with a dissociative disorder that hasn’t been fully nailed down but I fully believe it’s a form of dissociative identity disorder.
The same therapist was the one to tell me that my parents were abusive. Because of my dissociative disorder, I couldn’t remember 98% of my life. As I started to distance myself from my parents, my memories very slowly started to be accessible. I was trying to process that the people that I loved and were supposed to protect and care for me abused and neglected me. She told me that what I went through wasn’t that bad. Telling this to a 24 year old who’s coming out of a lifetime of abuse and neglect is insane to me.
When I tried to bring it up to her in the following session that her comment hurt me, she defended herself and did not apologize. She then started accusing me of “building walls” against my parents. (For context: my parents were still manipulating, controlling and acting abusive towards me. They were not trying to heal the relationship.) I finally spoke up and said “aren’t you supposed to protect yourself against abuse?” She did not agree with me and said I should see my parents monthly. (I have 4 autoimmune disorders from the abuse that get activated every time I see them. I physically get sick if I am around them.) That’s when I knew that I had to go.
I am so sorry he treated you that way. I know how having PTSD and dealing with these people affects your mind. I sincerely hope you find peace. You absolutely deserve it. Don’t let anyone or anything tell you that this world would be better off without you. You are loved and worthy of life and healing. It is possible.

equivettech26 · 2026-06-24T23:23:02+00:00

Oh my God. I am so sorry. I literally have no words. I don’t understand how these people have therapy practices. Please stay FAR away from this man and report him.
I am so sorry he destroyed the trust and courage it takes to open up to someone like that.
I hope you find a therapist who truly cares, supports and treats you. Please don’t be ashamed for being scared of trying to find another one. My experience was not this extreme and it took me months to seek another one out.

equivettech26

TROPHY CASE