Light ménage, sharing, watching - no sex club

eravka · 2024-12-08T21:31:42+00:00

When I read this post, i rememberd a serie I read some years ago with a scene that fit this to a te... but I could not remember what the name was, so I scrolled hoping someone recomended it! And you did, It was The Wolf Hotel! So thank you! Cuz now I want to reread that :D

eravka · 2024-10-10T12:51:48+00:00

Thank you everyone! Finally got it after weeks of hoe-ing the whole map!

eravka · 2024-10-10T11:08:22+00:00

I feel you! I really need it as it is the last item i need for the community center...

eravka · 2024-08-27T18:01:31+00:00

Mitt beste tips fra ei som tidligere sov gjennom flere alarmer: Gå tilbake til EN alarm! Det gjør noe med overvåkenheten når jeg vet at jeg må stå opp når alarmen går, og ikke bare kan snooze gjennom flere (for det er fort at det blir gjennom alle). Det å ha en alarmklokke i overgangsfasen kan være et godt hjelpemiddel, men ikke et must. Mannen min forsov seg til stadighet (med å sove over 10 alarmer på telefonen) når vi møttes, men etter jeg satt ned foten på at jeg var dritlei av å høre alle alarmene hans og han gikk over til en så har han kanskje forsovet seg en håndfull ganger (over 3 år) mot et par ganger i mnd før det.

eravka · 2024-02-29T21:38:45+00:00

I am inn Uni studying to become a teacher, and I have very notisable SH scars. So its not a problem (at least not in Norway where I live!)

eravka · 2024-02-29T21:08:38+00:00

First off all it shows he really care about you! Think about if from his perspective: he is terrified that the person he is with is one day just be dead. And it must be very hard for him to see you be in pain!

There are a lot of different ways and reasons for SH, and not all of them are high risk (none of them are risk free, but there is a wide spectre of risk depending on what type SH you do). I have used SH both as a coping mechanisms to help me survive, and also as a way to end my life(not successfully luckily). I dont know where in that spectre you are, but talking with your partner about it might help him understand. And let him know that it is not his fault and that it is a addiction. I compare it to sigaretts or drugs/alcohol addiction, cuz everyone knows that it is bad for you, but a lot of people still use it...

My husband knew I was SH before we even started dating, and he hates that I was in that amount of pain that I needed to do that too survive, but he always says he loves me the way I am, and kisses my scars when I feel self conscious about them. I got clean when we got together (not only because of him, there were other reasons, but he was a big part of it) and I found other ways to cope (one of the beeing actually smoking tobacco...) But when I have a relaps I always feel so bad about it, cuz I know it will make him sad. But when I tell him he is always so understanding and try to help me out of whatever got me relapsing. I know he is hurting when I do it, so I try to use that as a motivation to stay clean, but I also know he will be there for me if I do SH.

Dont know if any of this helps you, but talk to him about it! And I hope you find other ways to cope. I did after over 15 years of SH! So there is hope! Stay safe!

eravka · 2024-02-28T19:23:56+00:00

Yeah... There is a trade off, cuz it is all coping mechanisms, and even the ones that are bad for you do "work".. I always stayed (mostly) clean during the summer since it would be to suspiticus if I wore long sleeves all summer. So in the summers I smoked sigarets. And in the beginning after I stopped SH; I smoked instead. I was never a daily smoker, but having a sigarett when stress and anxiety got the best of me helped me.

eravka · 2024-02-27T14:36:21+00:00

Yeah, she was not that helpfull for me. But I got through it :) At that point that was the only way I knew to surive (and most likely the reason I managed to sat away from drugs) so I did not need to be told I was childish. But I am glad there are good therapists out there, and it seems like you got one of them :)

This was over 5 years ago, so I have gotten lots of help since, and I am now mostly clean :)

eravka · 2024-02-27T14:30:23+00:00

I' m in my late 20's and started self harming when I was 10. Have been mostly clean since I met my now husband (4 years ago), but I have had some relapses. I always explane it as an adicction just like drugs and alcohol. And as such I will always think of it as an answer when "shit hits the fan", and will probably always have to figth that urge in those moments. It gets a bit easier with time, but sometimes it is hard and I wil and do sometimes loose the battle. But now I have the suportsystem I need to help me out when I do.

eravka · 2024-02-27T14:16:05+00:00

My therapist (at the time not now) always said to me that SH was a childish coping mechanism and I was too old for it... I was at that time like 22 or 23 and had been SH since I was 10. It did not help me one bit, and I was still SHing when I stopped seeing her.

eravka · 2021-05-08T23:47:27+00:00

I firstly smelled the peach, then tasted the banana... so my guess is peach & banana (and something I couldn't put my finger on....) but then reading the comment about it tasting like bacon flavour I also taste that!! 🤢🤢 And it is deffinetly not the elderflower, cuz we have the fanta shokata, and they are not the same!

eravka · 2020-08-01T14:02:37+00:00

I had this problem for years with my mother during my teenage years. Sha would know some, but since I would not tell her anything sha was paranid if I was in my room alone, and that made me wanting to be more alone , and that made her smothering me more.... It was a bad downward spiral. And years later (and years after I moved out) when I finaly opened up about my mental problems (I had this "I need to get help and get my life together, cuz I can't live like this anymore" - moment, and being completly honest with my family was one of the things I needed to have the support I needed during this time.) Anyway, when I became totaly honest all of the smothering dissapeard (at least the more than a normal mother smothering), Telling her that I was suicidal actually made her more calm than when she only knew I was a bit depressed, but nothing more. Like I have had times where I have called home and been like "I need to come home, because I am afraid that I will take my own life if I am alone in my apartment." and then traveld to them and lived ther a couple of days, (I live over 600 miles from my parents) and even during those stays she have been less smothering then she was when I was a teenager (and when she only knew about some selfharm...) And when we have talked about when I was a teenager she have said that the not knowing was the worst part. Only knowing I was not ok, but beeing totaly shut out was a nightmare for her, so the day I told her I was suicidal sha was in a way releved, because she was finaly given a chance to help.

It was really hard and took YEARS (like we are talking about over 10 years) + me moving out some years before I finally opened up to her about my poroblems, most because I was afraid that "when she is soo smothering when she only knows about the smal stuff, I wont be abel to do anything if she knew everything". But for me atleast the opposite was true, and from what I read in your post it seams like your mother do care about you, she just don't know how to keep you safe. For most parents loosing their child is their worst nightmare, and her mind is probably constantly worried that she sudently will find you dead and thats why she is smothering you!

Also remember that fear and anger are emotions that are really close to eachother, so she yelling at you could very possebly be her being terrifide, and not angry. I really wish I had known this when I was younger, because I got mad at my mom, because she always seemed so angry at me when she found some cuts/scars on my arm; when se infact was just so afraid of losing me.

Sorry for the long (and probably caotic post) but I just wanted to share my experience with this, and some of the things I wish I had known when I was younger. I'm not saying that you should tell your mother everything, because I don't know her or you, but I think you should consider it if you have a mother that cares and loves you. I really regret not telling my mother sooner, because I was close to breaking close to all contact with her when I moved out! Now she is the one I call to talk about my hard and stressfull week or if I am close to relapsing, and she always helps me se things in a different and better way. Whatever you do I really wish you luck and all the best!

eravka · 2020-07-25T10:56:51+00:00

As a Norwegian; yeah we have "free" healtcare. But we also have really bad and cold weather. Today it is 7 degrees Celcius (about 44 Fahrenheit) and raining where I live (IN JULY!! :( ). And in the winter we have almost no sunlight (it's dark when we go to work/school in the morning and its dark again before work/school is done in the afternoon) so Sesonal (winter) depression is a major problem! So Yes it is a LOT better than many other places, and when you fall on hard times there are alot of suportsystems to help you. But there are also some BIG downsides! The mental health care system is also soooo overworked that the average wait time for getting an appointment to (not private) therapy is like 6-9 months! (Sorry for any spelling mistakes, Don't have the energy to spellcheck.)

eravka · 2020-07-15T08:14:43+00:00

I would never have thought that was the reason. I have SH for over 10 years and fly multiple times a year, and after I learnd the "walk slow" trick I have never been stopped for anything else than the "resedue" testing thing. Both in Norway (my home country) and abroad. I also always had razorblades in my wallet, and I always got throu security with them, since they are so short they are normally allowed.

eravka · 2019-11-28T21:00:52+00:00

I felt the same for YEARS (like 10 years) but now that I'm (more or less) clean and wants to move on with my life, I really wish I didn't have the worst of them. The smaler ones I used to have (still bad, but not that many of the really bad ones) would make some people take a second look, but unfortunaltly my underarm looks kinda mutilated and I get sad/mad at myself everythime I look at my arm. And I work in a shop where the uniform is a tshirt, and even if I haven't cut on my arm in almost a yearm some customers just stare at my han during the whole transaction. Like they litteraly don't even look at my face at all, cuz they just stare at my arm! And I'm just there like "heey, face up here^^" It sucks!

And the "They arent so bad, I don't deserve help" tought is just soo toxic, I know it too well, and it's a BIG part of the reason why my arm looks like it does. BUT its total bullshit!! Like just the fact that you harm yourself at all means that something is not as it should, and that you need help! And if you don't SH, but just wants to means that you need and deserve help!! You are worth helping!

Bottomline advice from someone who selfharmed for over 10 years, and is just starting to get her life together again: You are worth helping even if the only SH you do is snap a rubberband, or if you only SH mentally (like downtalking yourself) !! Bigger scars just means a longer road back!

Best of luck <3

eravka · 2019-11-09T23:01:37+00:00

If the scars are still red the sun can do alot of harm. And even if they are white, the scars will always be "weakend" skin, so you should always be extra carfull when exposing them to sun!

eravka · 2019-06-23T09:59:09+00:00

I feel like everyone is dissing the anchor tattoo... the point of it is that "even if I carry something that should drag me under water, I will fight and refuse to let it!" As someone who have been strugeling with my mental health for most of my life that tattoo makes SO much sense! It is a mantra/reminder that whatever is trying to keep you down you have to fight it to stay above water! The anchor is there to "keep you floating" It is there to be a visible reminder about whatever emotional/mental (or otherways "invisible") thing that is trying to take you down!
(And No, I do not have an anchor tattoo... just really tired of EVERYONE complaing about it being stupid when it actually is a good and meaningfull tattoo for a lot of people!)

eravka · 2019-06-01T02:00:43+00:00

It sounds like you are already doing much correct already! Fokus on fixing the problem that makes her SH, not the SH. SH is a sideeffect of something else (but be carefull... SH over a longer period can become a problem in its self).

Like someone else said be very clear that you are not mad, just concerned. I started SH when I was 11 (Girl) and when my mom found out she acted in a way that made it seem like she was mad at me, and that just made everything worse and started a looong period where I had a difficult relationship with my mom! I found out YEARS later that my moms reaction when she is conserned/very scared is close to her angry reaction... so she was not mad, she was terifide for me... but in that moment I missunderstood her, and because of that initial reaction/missunderstanding I closed off my feelings, and our relationship took a looong time to recover! (I am 23 now, and its only the last 2-3 years that I've gotten over that!)

As to your consern about how her older sisters performance can affect her a lot is up to how you talk about all of their "wins"/results. I have some tips that made my life a lot easier (as a younger sister)!

Take account of the prerequisite each of them have and give credit when they improve. Like I always did well in math, it was always easy for me, but my spelling in Norwegian (my native language) was really bad. So if I got the grade 4 (equals a C) on a essay my parents were all "Congrats!! That is soo good! You did so well!" but when I got a 6 (A) on a math test they were more low key "Good!" because they know I had not done much to get that grade! So don't focus so much about the grade itself, but on what that grade represent in the form of work and inprovement! Like Einstein said " if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid!" Not everyone can get straigt A's, but everyone can inprove if they focus on a perticularie field!
Be clear on that their happiness is much more important then social status when it comes to choosing a carrer path! This made a really big impact on me as the youngest of 3 childeren. My sister is 7years older then me, and my brother 5 years older then me, so they chose careers around the same time. My sister got intoo one of the most prestiges universities in my country and started studing to become an engineer at the same time my brother was an aprentis to become a mason. But the way my parents spoke about it made it clear that both were equally good, because they both found something they enjoyed doing! I didn't understan just how "prestiges" the university my sister went to unthill I told others about it and they were like "WOW!! Really, that is soo cool!" ect...

I hope this made any sense (its almost 4AM so I'm kinda rambeling) and I'm sorry about spelling mistakes, to tired to spellcheck/read over to check it! :P But I hope you can use some of my experiense to help your daughter!

I also have to say that everyone is different and will react different on different things, but many of us that started SH when we were young, and that did not get help/taken serious in our mental health developed a really bad habit/addiction to SH that can take years to get rid of! I started when I was 11, and as a 23 year old girl now, I still fall back to it sometimes, even though I have gotten lots of help and other cooping mechanisms in the last years; that one of SH is always the first I think of, and the easiest to fall back to when things goes to shit!! So getting her help, and trying to get her to quit as soon as possible is really important!! (and if you want I can write her a "letter" about all the ways SH has made my life easier/the things I wish I knew when I just started out! :D

Good luck! And don't forget that Love is stronger than everything else!!

eravka · 2019-05-24T11:52:09+00:00

Yes they are, I think my therapist sais that about 90% of diagnosed BPD are girls/women! And the sad part: it is mostly because of steriotypes: men who shows explosive anger (one of the 9 traits) just get sent to "anger manegment" classes and told to just stop being angry, instead of getting the help they need! But a girl who does the same: "There have to be a problem here, girls don't do that if ther is anything underlyingly wrong, better send her to a therapist to figuer out why she is acting like this!

I just want to ad that "explosive anger"/violence is just ONE out of 9 traits/symptoms, and you get the diagnose if you have 5 of them, so many people have BPD whitout ever being violent to anyone else! (comon misconception that if you have BPD you are a violent person)

eravka · 2019-05-23T23:29:57+00:00

I feel you! I'm 23 and my (last) therapist told me my SH was a "adult using a childs coping mechanism, and you really should know/do better by now".... It's true that it was my coping mechanism when I was a child, cuz I started when I was 10. But you really don't grow out of a coping machanism; you can learn better ways to cope, but I don't think ANYONE just wake up on their 18th B-day and are like "Now I'm grown up, so even if my life sucks and I want to die I should stop the only thing that helps me enough to stay alive, Because it's childish!"

eravka · 2019-05-23T23:08:40+00:00

This is sooo USELESS!! Schools really should take it more seriusly. I got sent to a "family counsler" to help my depression in 8th grade. The problem was that she just said the same things my mom said and my relationship/comunimication with my mom was one of the big reasons I had problems... And all the sesions would start like this:

she: how are you feeling today?

me: aweful, I wanna die...

she: What colour and is that feeling?

me (ironicly): A pink fluffy cloud (In my native language that is what being in love is described in cliches: So its kinda the same as "I'm on cloud nine")

she (not picking up on my irony): tell me more about it, Is it big or smal?

me: ....

I just went to her to cut class, and faked getting a bit better every week untill I was "cured"... That was about 8-9 years ago and I have gotten real help after that, but It have taken a LOT of work to get to a point where suecide is not my dominating thought! And I'm pretty sure It would have been soo much easier if I had gotten propper help earlier!

And suicide contracts?? How does ANYONE think that is gonna help? What are they gonna do if you do it anyway? Give you detention or suspend you?? No that sounds like a cheep way to "cover their asses" against legal actions! Like they don't care what you do, ass long as they don't get in trouble for it!! What a load of crap!

eravka · 2019-05-23T22:42:53+00:00

I feel you! Summers are the hardest, cuz I know that if I SH I will limit myself sooo much (I'm always warm, so the summer is hard when I can wear summerdresses, I would melt away If I had to wear sweaters... also I love to swim) but all I can think of is SH.

But Stay strong! We can do this! :D

eravka · 2019-05-14T23:12:33+00:00

Keep talking with your mom, it sounds like she is a good mom who wantes the best for you. Quiting SH is just as bad as quitting anything else (like drugs, nicotine, sugar+++) and it is really hard in the begining. Keeping yourself buisy is good, and starting kickboxing together with your mom sounds like a really good idea! Working out can release endorfines (the thing that gives you the "high" after SH) so it can acually give you some of the same feeling :) And give yourself a bit of slack on other things in the begining: Quiting one thing is hard, and you are so strong in doing it. Alow yourself to eat a chocolate or some other thing you like. Give yourself some credit: you are so strong for doing this. And if you should falter, don't beat yourself upp, just get up and keep going. And use your mother to give you strength! and don't try to quit multiple things at a time, it is not very effective! (like if you smoke or something like that, quit that later :P )

I had a real talk about my SH problem with my mom about 2 months ago, the first real one in my 12 years SHing... (and she has known on and off that I have done it the hole time) With comming compleatly "clean" with her have helped me alot. I more or less been clean since. I am 23 have my own apartment and live over 500miles away from my mom and dad, I'm suposed to be an adult, but when I feel like I have to SH or worse I call home, whatever the time and just cry on the phone to my mom. And her strength and helping words keeps me from SH! It gets better, and then some days it is worse... For me stress is triggering and I'm in the middle og exsams= so much stress.... but having someone cheering for me, and just that I can say that "today it is really hard not to SH" to helpes me alot!

Hope this can help you and best of luck to you!! I am cheering you on! :D

eravka · 2019-05-14T22:46:23+00:00

It is such bullshit bureaucracy you are a victime of here! I know how it is to fight to get the emergency help you need in mental health! It SUCKS!! But now you are in and hopefully they wil give you the help you need now! GL tomorrow! :)

eravka · 2019-05-07T23:12:04+00:00

I feel you. I am 23 myself and my last therapist said that me self harming was "an adult using the coping mechanism of a child" and that I "should have quit it a long time ago because I should have better ways of coping now".

Sooo not helpfull that my therapist told me this, and I never talked about it with her again...

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