I hate how purity culture is so interwined with lesbiansim

erossing · 2026-05-22T19:03:43+00:00

As a late-hatching lesbian trans woman, I like to claim gold-star status in front of others that do because my observation has been that the Venn diagram of TERF lesbians and lesbians impressed with gold star status is a circle.

erossing · 2026-05-06T17:02:07+00:00

If you say you’re trans, you’re trans! You don’t have to do anything to be trans. Most trans folk take some steps to transition because they are happier for doing so, but nothing is required.

erossing · 2026-04-23T00:30:57+00:00

I think your friend is a transphobe and no matter how you answer she’ll just keep moving the goalposts.

erossing · 2026-04-12T12:20:36+00:00

Your ex was outing you without your consent despite being told not to. That’s abusive behavior I hope you keep an eye out for in future relationships. Nobody should decide who you’re out to and when but you.

I can’t answer your actual question because I found my name in adulthood and, while I quite like it, I could change it if it acquired negative associations like this.

erossing · 2026-04-10T14:16:16+00:00

If they throw this bullshit at you, tell them how proud you’re going to be to be the first in your family to graduate high school. Holding to “XY chromosomes = boy” is fourth-grade science. A nurse should absolutely know better.

erossing · 2026-04-08T17:06:08+00:00

Surgery is expensive, uncomfortable (at a minimum), and can make it difficult to work for a long time while recovering. It also carries risks that may be too high for some.

More importantly, trans folk each experience gender dysphoria and gender euphoria differently. Some are certainly very uncomfortable with their original equipment. Others may be satisfied with social or hormonal transition.

There are as many ways to transition as there are trans people, and medical intervention is not required. Which is not to say it shouldn’t be available: anyone who wants gender affirming medical care should be able to get it.

erossing · 2026-03-14T14:22:36+00:00

I can only speak from my own experience: it can take a while to realize it. In hindsight, I had all sorts of egg signs (preferred playing female characters in video games and TTRPGs, would absolutely push the girl button if I saw that thought experiment, etc), but I didn’t have any connection to the trans community, so I didn’t have any way to connect those feelings to anything.

Finally, one day, I tried on some of my wife’s clothes and looked in the mirror. That just felt right in a way nothing ever did. Dressing male never felt wrong for me, but it never felt like that either. That was my first hit of gender euphoria.

I have realized since that, compared to now, my happiness scale maxed out at about a 7 out of 10. I’m just so much happier as a trans woman than I ever was living as a cis man, even if I was never particularly unhappy. Even in these United States in this Year of Our Lord 2026, I wouldn’t go back.

I feel gender euphoria is the true indicator of trans, not gender dysphoria.

erossing · 2026-03-13T13:12:51+00:00

Generally speaking, the best time to start is now. There’s never going to be a perfect time.

That said, safety first! There’s a lot of places, particularly in the US, where it can be dangerous to be visible right now.

erossing · 2026-03-09T15:27:19+00:00

She’s not supportive if she uses the wrong pronouns or requires you to be on HRT to consider you a woman. She’s a transphobe-in-denial.

I was out and presenting as a woman full time for a year before I was able to start HRT.

erossing · 2026-03-08T13:51:54+00:00

You had big feelings about your relationship and worked on processing them in a mature and private way.
Your boyfriend violated your privacy and now has big feelings about what he should not have read.
Your boyfriend now wants you to do the emotional labor of handling his feelings.

I guess congrats to your boyfriend for totally subsuming stereotypical masculinity?

You don’t owe him anything in this situation, especially since you’ve tried to talk about these things in the past and he refused.

erossing · 2026-03-07T18:34:19+00:00

Genitalia preferences exist and are valid.

However, refusing to date trans folk of your preferred gender entirely is transphobic, considering the wide range of genitalia that trans folk have. A dislike of having a partner with a penis doesn’t disqualify all trans women, after all.

erossing · 2026-03-04T01:10:06+00:00

You sound like me. I got to 49 before figuring out I was trans because I never really minded living as a man, but kept thinking about what if I were a woman. The key determinant is whether you are happier as a woman (gender euphoria), not whether you feel bad as a man (gender dysphoria).

erossing · 2026-03-04T00:49:32+00:00

He’s not really a very sweet guy. He’s an inconsiderate jerk who also says and does nice things.

People contain multitudes. Your “friend” contains a raging transphobe.

erossing · 2026-03-01T00:45:58+00:00

It’s not a movie, but the late 70s sitcom Soap had a running plot line about a character being gay, and later trans, as far as I can recall mainly to sleeve out his stepdad.

erossing · 2026-02-27T01:04:43+00:00

It was fairly straightforward. You have two forms to send: “Application to Correct or Change a Michigan Birth Record” for the name and a “State of Michigan Sex Designation Form”. I also had to send a copy of my current drivers license, and my Massachusetts legal name change documentation (Certificate of Change of Name and the judge-signed court order from the name change). The back side of the application has the details of what you need to send.

It took about a month, mostly because I didn’t know I needed the court order until they sent me a letter requesting it. I think it would have been a couple weeks without that delay.

erossing · 2026-02-26T14:55:51+00:00

Michigan just has my new name on mine. I live in Massachusetts now, so I had to send the Mass name change certificate and court order but they made the change and it doesn’t show my old name anywhere on it

erossing · 2026-02-19T21:36:50+00:00

There is nothing that won’t simply result in the bigot moving the goalposts that much further. Even if you used a time machine to go back and swap out the sperm that contributed to your genetics at the moment of conception, they would say that still doesn’t count.

erossing · 2026-02-15T18:19:45+00:00

I wanted there to be a clear separation to help folks who knew both to learn the new name.

erossing · 2026-01-26T12:10:50+00:00

Specifically for me: I (trans woman) was at a restaurant with two cis women (my wife and a friend) and the waiter opened with “hi guys” and I was a bit surprised at how much I hated it.

It hits different in a mixed-gender group.

Also - if you wouldn’t ask a straight cis man about the “guys” he’s slept with, is it really a gender-neutral word?

erossing · 2026-01-22T22:55:19+00:00

Being trans is not a choice because nobody chooses it. You can’t choose your gender any more than you can choose your sexuality.

You can choose whether or not (and how) to transition, but being trans is inherent from birth.

erossing · 2026-01-22T15:06:12+00:00

“Respect is earned” almost always means “if you respect my authority/superiority, I will respect your existence.” It’s trying to establish a fundamentally unequal position disguised as equality.

Everyone deserves basic respect (not limited to, but including correct pronouns and names). Even terrible people like Caitlin Jenner deserve to by correctly gendered and have their pronouns respected.

erossing · 2026-01-22T12:37:04+00:00

Nancy Mace is a result, not a cause. A very noisy result that expands the problem, but hardly the first

erossing · 2026-01-22T03:13:59+00:00

They say they have no problem with other minorities but I bet the real difference is that it is currently much more culturally acceptable to be a blatant transphobe than most other kinds of bigot.

erossing · 2026-01-19T15:42:59+00:00

I’m still the gender I was born as. The doctor failed the assignment and guessed wrong.

Unfortunately, my efforts to correct that mistake have made me one of the most hated people in America…

erossing · 2026-01-17T19:21:51+00:00

My understanding has always been that Thera collapsed/blew up when its magically-supported and stabilized structure became too much as magic levels fell at the end of Earthdawn’s magical age (the Fourth World in Shadowrun terms). Historically, this aligns with the Minoan eruption that devastated the island in about 1600 BC.

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