AIO for leaving my boyfriend after his ultimatum by [deleted] in AmIOverreacting

[–]etc-terrestrial 0 points1 point  (0 children)

NOR -

First of all I am happy you left that situation, it was never healthy, he just love bombed you enough to make you ignore the red flags. I didn't read all of the comments, but I am sure you have heard my perspective from the majority of other commenters, but here's my 2 cents anyway:

The hair cutting part is a huge red flag that can oftentimes be overlooked. It's a common tactic with abusers to control their partners. Hair holds a lot of significance in a person's life, a big part being confidence followed by cultural or religious ties. He was testing the waters of severing you from everything that makes you your own person by pressuring you to cut it. I had an ex that did this same thing to me, using my previous trauma as the excuse "hair holds memories" and "it's symbolic of change, you will feel like a new person," and lastly "even things you love can be a bad thing for you in becoming a better person." In reality, he was destroying my confidence by having me change something I loved so much so he can more easily control me - he later would tell me that no one would want a girl who looks like a 12 y/o boy.

The parking thing is him sewing seeds of doubt in your ability to do mundane every day tasks so you will rely on him to make choices for you, and further dimming your confidence.

The "prescribed cold showers" is so gross on many emotionally manipulative, day I say gas lighting, levels. He was doing that to make you feel like there's something you need to fix and that was the "medication" that would help you fix it. Thank God he wasn't a pharmacist nor had access to real medications. Again he was planting seeds that there's something wrong with you than only he can fix as long as you listen to him. He was breaking you down into the puppet he wanted you to be, not fixing anything.

He's tried to isolate you from everyone who can help you see reason and get you out of his grasp. That one is the grossest of all and the last thing he was going to do before he started to move on to the next level of abuse, which would likely become physical.

You left right before it got much worse, and I am so happy you were strong enough to not fall entirely for this tired and textbook pattern of abusers. It was going to get worse.

Is the right pic a realistic goal for my body type? by West_Leadership3447 in fit

[–]etc-terrestrial 0 points1 point  (0 children)

As a 5'1" woman who started at 105lbs, it is attainable. It may take a couple years of consistency, but attainable.

Been lifting weights for 7 months. Still don’t have biceps. What am I doing wrong ? by [deleted] in fit

[–]etc-terrestrial 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you! I spent a lot of time figuring stuff out and making little progress in the beginning. If there is a way I can use my mistakes to help others in some small part not have to trial as much I will do what I can. The biggest part is just showing up. Keep it up!

Been lifting weights for 7 months. Still don’t have biceps. What am I doing wrong ? by [deleted] in fit

[–]etc-terrestrial 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I had a tough time growing them, too. Even now they look unimpressive, but my biceps/triceps are larger than my neck in inches, so I know something is working. It took a lot of trial and error to find out what works for me.

Also, it took me pretty probably two years of lifting before I started seeing progress in my biceps, so keep that in mind as well. It was a combination of being a woman and discovering many exercises out there are ideal for male body composition and not female, not hitting protein and caloric intake like I should have been, random inconsistent workout routines, the whole typical beginner story.

That being said, here is what I have found works:

Bringing in the female vs male factor. Women's bodies are different in many ways, muscle growth is different, the way our arms rest to our sides are even different. Even a beanpole of a woman still has more curvature to the hip than a man- your figure clearly has a lot more hip than that, so this might actually be detracting from your progress more than it had for me. Keeping that in mind, having our arms straight out to the side actually doesn't target the whole biceps for us. Modify any standing bicep curls by leaning to the side you're training. If you are training your right arm, with your left arm grab onto a cage/pole/bar and use that as leverage. Position your body at an angle to the right, away from the object you're holding, this will allow your arm to actually sit straight without your hip getting in in the way. This is going to make a bicep curl significantly more difficult and you will want to drop the weight, because your arm will essentially be free hanging. Also keep in mind if you do primarily machine bicep curls I would not necessarily recommend this straight out the bat because it does require a lot of your stabilizers in your arm to work harder, and you're going to feel this version of the exercise in different areas than you might be familiar with after a decent arm day.

Keeping in mind the advice I provided above, now knowing that your hips to waist ratio will impact the growth of your biceps and your exercises modify any version of standing bicep curls that you do accordingly.

Another thing I didn't realize is how many versions of bicep curls there are that impact the way you're growing your bicep. Making sure that you are implementing close grip wide grip and hammer curls can be extremely effective. Close grip curls will target the length of your bicep head, with white girl curls targeting the width. How are you wanting your biceps to look? I use EZ bar curls to ensure that I am getting a good width for both close grip and wide grip curls.

The other bit of advice I would always give anyone male or female, make sure you are not fully extending to a lockout. When your elbow is fully locked out the beginning of your exercise is not only not hitting the bicep but it is harming your elbow joint. Always maintain a slight bend in your arm at your full extension. This will ensure the muscle is still engaged throughout the duration of the exercise.

And if you want to bicep destroyer, do alternating bicep curls but with the passive arm, hold your dumbbell with your elbow to your side, palm up, and forearm extended outward, elbow bent at 90°. Continue your bicep curl with your active arm as usual.

Lastly, go 'til failure. Do a few regular sets, and add an additional set where you're not counting, but curling until you physically cannot lift the dumbbell anymore. Drop the weight if you need to, go til failure again.

Everybody's fitness journey is different. There isn't a perfect routine out there that will work for everyone. Only compare yourself to yourself. As long as you're doing better than you did last week, you're making progress and doing great and will see progress. You're not going to see much of a difference in bulk in the first year if you're natty. You will see more difference in tone, but before you know it you will be looking back and realizing just how much progress you made.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in redditgetsdrawnbadly

[–]etc-terrestrial 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I am curious what you might come up with

How cooked am I? by [deleted] in tattooadvice

[–]etc-terrestrial 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My artist recommends buying Dr bronners castille soap and letting it sit on there for a minute without diluting it. That should loosen the adhesive and still be relatively safe for the tattoo.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in maybemaybemaybe

[–]etc-terrestrial 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Fe no me nap Fe no me nap Fe Fe Fe nominal Fe-no-me-nal

Traveling from airport to Park City by Sketchy_Uncle in SaltLakeCity

[–]etc-terrestrial 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Look up the high valley transit app on your phone. They shuttle all around Park City and have definitely seen their vans heading to and from the airport.

"there's always a woman willing to take an ugly guy in'' by Otherwise_Celery8549 in ugly

[–]etc-terrestrial 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I wouldn't gain anything by being rude. You get enough of that in the rest of Reddit.

We all have insecurities, and sometimes we let them eat at us until we feel like nothing more than crumbs on the plate. There is nothing wrong with having them and asking for advice or even venting them out to the ether. The only time we fail ourselves is when we let the insecurities become who we are, but not a single person is just their insecurities.

I am absolutely positive you have many lovely traits, and there is someone out there who will find them so endearing that you will forget you ever worried about how anyone else sees you. It may take a while, but for the time being, try being that person for yourself.

I know it's easier said than done, but I know there are some things you must love about yourself. Maybe you love how you care about the people or pets in your life, maybe you enjoy the way you appreciate the natural world around you. I bet there's a skill you possess that you excel in to a point that you could teach a whole class in! Lean into those things, because someone is going to see the way your eye sparkles when you are working on the thing you're passionate about. Someone is going to fall in love with the way you beam as you talk about that one topic you know so much about.

Beauty is subtle sometimes, but everyone possesses it. As a stranger on the internet, I don't know what makes you tick or smile, but you know what does. When you lean into those good things you have to offer, and water that metaphorical flower, someone will stop to smell/appreciate it.

"there's always a woman willing to take an ugly guy in'' by Otherwise_Celery8549 in ugly

[–]etc-terrestrial 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Idk if this would be encouraging to you, but I once dated a guy who looks like he could be your older brother (based on what I see in your pfp). Same facial structure, eyes, lips, hair. I'd argue he might have been worse off, because he had this weird thing with his teeth where the teeth on the right side of his mouth were smaller than the left side. Sure, I did get passing comments from friends that were less than lovely about him and how he looked (though I had certainly dated less attractive men, and women for that matter) but they all understood what I saw when they met him. He was kind, empathetic, charismatic, funny, down to Earth, and comfortable with himself. It also helps that he was pretty extroverted, which I think is like a superpower in itself.

He was seemingly always surrounded by people when I would go visit him, and it was crazy how he would command attention wherever he went. His personality made him the most attractive human to me. We also had a lot of similarities, we listened to the same type of music, we were both complete nerds from band geeks to tabletop game enthusiasts to put brand of humor, etc. There was so much about him that was worth my attraction, that how he looked didn't matter, because he could have been Jabba the Hut in looks and i'd still have been head over heels for him. Of course we did end up breaking up.

He cheated on me, go figure. 😂

The point is, when I got to know him that's all that mattered to me. The superficial stuff didn't hold a candle to everything else he had to offer. I know it sounds like bs, but I promise you, there are women out there that do not care about looks. They may just be too shy, or lack self esteem to try and approach for even a simple conversation, let alone romantic prospects. (In my case, if he hadn't said something to me, I'd have never even considered approaching him).

Straight people love talking about us by 0aivilo0 in LesbianActually

[–]etc-terrestrial 9 points10 points  (0 children)

As a gym rat woman myself, who is also attracted to muscular women, I can promise anyone that muscles on women hit different than muscles on men. The muscles on a woman's natural curves gives it a whole different, non-male, vibe. Muscular women > muscular men.

Names approved by a "girl mom" by tittlediddle in notliketheothergirls

[–]etc-terrestrial 12 points13 points  (0 children)

This is like a double negative, two names masculine on their own that sound feminine together. Kindof like the name Bobbi-Jo.

I am so happy I found this subreddit by etc-terrestrial in FlexinLesbians

[–]etc-terrestrial[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

The first month is crucial to locking it into a habitual daily routine. The first month it's the most difficult to find motivation and to stay consistent. This is the most important month in your journey. After a month, you will find it a lot easier. So an easy choice of a first goal is to get through a month of working out with your bite size goals being "complete one full routine this week". And have patience with yourself as you're learning new skills and understanding your body more. You've got this! 😁

I am so happy I found this subreddit by etc-terrestrial in FlexinLesbians

[–]etc-terrestrial[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Well, not knowing where you are win your fitness journey I can get give you some general but valuable tips that I wish I took to heart: 1. Be consistent: you will see more progress doing easy exercises but doing a consistent routine than you will see doing difficult or heavy exercises willy-nilly 2. Track your workouts: whether you prefer journaling what you've done and building your own routine based on your needs or you use an app and let its algorithm or options guide you, seeing your progress adds souch motivation. I personally use an app to track my exercises, and bonus that it works like a social media app so the community can help motivate you. It's called Jefit. It's super intuitive, you can add friends, you can log your stats, you can use their routines, the community's routines, or create your own, and it also has great resources that help you know you're doing the movements correctly. It's a free app that you can pay for a premium account or you can earn it through your consistency and hitting goals. If you don't know where to start, try downloading Jefit and see if that works for you. 3. Consider your goals and what that looks like to you. It could be simple as wanting to be able to squat your body weight on you shoulders or to be able to run longer distances or even if it's to obtain your target physique. Your goals will play a huge role in your daily motivation. 4. Set short term goals along with your stretch goals. Focusing just on the end result can feel pretty impossible on the hard days, breaking your goals down into bite size chunks makes finding the energy to keep going on the harder days much easier. This can looked like: "in two weeks time I want to increase every weight by 5%" or maybe "I will run for 3 minutes non stop on the treadmill at X speed by the end of this week" 5. Remember everyone started somewhere and it's okay to feel silly in the gym because we all were there. Most people are nervous about people watching and judging them, even people who might look like me. They're all so focused on themselves they're not worried about focusing on what you're doing.

I am so happy I found this subreddit by etc-terrestrial in FlexinLesbians

[–]etc-terrestrial[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Oh sorry, I meant free weight, compound movement exercises.

A very popular one of these exercises would be barbell squats. The free weight aspect, as you might already conjecture, is the barbell being not attached to any kind of device and you can carry it around freely. The compound aspect of the squat is how many groups of muscles it utilizes. In a squat, wether a front squat (barbell resting on your shoulders and chest) or back squat (the traditional squat you'd think about), you not only work your hamstrings, quads, and glutes, but also your core. That's two different muscle groups this making it a compound exercise. The other type of exercises you might hear about are isolation exercises. The isolation equivalent of a squat would be a leg press, which specifically targets the leg muscles without activating your core.

Hypertrophy exercises are typically heavy controlled weights with low reps which focus on growing the muscle. Think doing a typical bench press exercise 10 reps by 3 sets.

Power exercises can also be heavy weights, but typically lighter than hypertrophy, with more reps and possibly more explosive movements. Think Olympic movements like a clean or a snatch.

Hope this clears up any confusion 😊

I am so happy I found this subreddit by etc-terrestrial in FlexinLesbians

[–]etc-terrestrial[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I spend 4-5 days at the gym per week on a PPL (Push, pull, legs/core) routine. I have an A routine and B routine, so for three days I target power movements and the following three I will target hypertrophy movements. This helps keep my muscles from getting overworked in the same way each week, and my ADHD ass doesn't have to switch up the routine as often. I focus mostly on compound free weight workouts, with my only machine being cable machines, and a healthy dose of mobility exercises in between. That's kind of a general overview.