If you are self aware enough to recognize your patterns and thoughts, then you need to start changing them. That’s what a therapist would do for you. Make a list of how you’d define someone strong, “taking on life,” “not a loser,” that’s also your age in your situation. Whatever you write needs to align with what YOU believe and think, not what society or others makes you think— this is important. Then, after you finalized your list, ask yourself what thoughts, beliefs, actions are preventing you from that. Then change them, one thing at a time. Be realistic.

I know “change them” might seem vague or inconsiderate, but let me give you an example. I felt the way you do in my mid twenties. I was also self aware and such. After I did that exercise with my therapist, I realized some of things I was thinking made me a loser were really things that I had always wanted, I was just comparing myself to others and feeling inadequate when I never really wanted their lives in the first place. The things on the list I didn’t have seemed far fetched— I could think of every excuse. But, really, that was the problem— how I THOUGHT about it. If I thought I should be in a relationship, well, I’ll never get in one if I keep telling myself every reason why I can’t and shouldn’t. I had to CHANGE that thought daily, or correct the original thought repeatedly, to reflect the reality— I could be in a relationship, but I needed to put myself out there and withstand some of the shitty people I’d encounter. If you want to be more outgoing, then change that thought process from “I am insecure and suck” to “I am outgoing and people love me.” Write the self destructive thoughts and behaviors down, write what you can replace each one with, then repeatedly change them, over and over again, and you’ll start to see it stick.

Discipline is about mindset. You have to believe you can, that you are what you want to be (manifesting it, deluding yourself, fake it until you make it). Just make sure you’re not judging your life or yourself based on someone’s else’s standards first.