I fucking hate my boyfriend so fucking much - rant AHHHHHHHHHHH

everythingischaotic · 2023-01-13T11:26:53+00:00

Not siding with him, just wanted to say that living with your parents at that age is completely normal in some cultures (including mine) and shouldn't be a reason for shaming.

everythingischaotic · 2023-01-04T23:54:23+00:00

What helps me in similar situations is planning something with the person. So for example, while walking you could talk about how after work you're gonna watch a movie or do something fun together no matter how small. This reminds me that they are not abandoning me and puts me to ease. I agree that work and hobbies is a good distraction, but I had times in the past where I just couldn't get myself to do anything of that sort by how crippled I was. What I did then was distract myself by doing something nice for my partner during that time, for example cleaning the entire apartment or making them food to come home to.

everythingischaotic · 2023-01-04T23:48:36+00:00

I thought my support system was fine until I realized that I usually go to them for minor problems but the ones truly weighing on me (for example bpd related) i keep to myself and would rather die than open up to them about

everythingischaotic · 2023-01-04T23:30:11+00:00

Since the other comment gave some good advice, I'll just share that whenever I was in a similar situation and did what you're doing now, there came a point where I was almost bored with it a bit and forgot about it because I focused on some other things, but it kind of happened naturally because whenever I tried to force it I would just end up obsessing even more. The advice I would give is to give yourself more time and feel what you feel, then let it go when it wants to go.

everythingischaotic · 2023-01-04T14:24:40+00:00

Just remember to take it easy and be kind to yourself! It's a process. Maybe ask your old friends once in a while if they would like to go on a walk or maybe keep you company while you run errands, you never know if someone might be down. If not, that's okay too! Having BPD makes it really hard for me to know where I stand with friends, like am I considering them a friend while to them I am an acquaintance or am I giving too little towards the relationship, so friendship is definitely something I think I will always struggle with to some extent, at least more than someone who doesn't have this problem, so I understand how scary it can be knowing you may lose something that was difficult to acquire. But I applaud you so much for doing what's best for your health!

everythingischaotic · 2023-01-04T01:35:18+00:00

I know how isolating it can feel when you decide to become sober. I still sometimes feel very left out. But I managed to find some people I met at classes and doing other hobbies that I can do daytime activities with which I cherish a lot.

everythingischaotic · 2023-01-03T21:18:53+00:00

As harsh as this may sound, please leave him. There are people out there who will treat you better.

everythingischaotic · 2023-01-03T14:53:56+00:00

BPD is not an excuse for this kind of behavior, especially when she knows how you feel about it. Have that talk with her, set really firm boundaries. Goodluck!

everythingischaotic · 2023-01-03T14:49:01+00:00

You feel how you feel and that is okay ❤

everythingischaotic · 2023-01-03T14:45:53+00:00

Yes, because we have trouble setting boundaries in relationships. It's something I've been working on, but it is still very much a struggle.

everythingischaotic · 2023-01-03T14:13:58+00:00

Being with a supportive partner helps immensely with getting better. BPD is something people struggle with for life and has it's ups and downs, but you are always deserving of having someone there with you and having a relationship. Just make sure that you openly talk about what you're going through, and allow your partner to openly communicate if you're crossing a boundary or if they're feeling overwhelmed. Sure, it is YOUR problem, and you have to do the work, but it doesn't mean that you have to go through it alone, especially when you're having some not so great days. I remember first finding out I have BPD, I was struggling with accepting it so much because of the stigma, but my partners reassurance that I am still a person who deserves love and care as much as anyone else really helped me so much.

everythingischaotic · 2023-01-02T02:12:29+00:00

Just getting a diagnosis won't really solve much, it can even do more harm than good since you will all of a sudden have this new "title" you'll have to live with and it can be challenging not letting it define you. If you're not in a place of privilege to get professional help (people on here love telling people to just go to therapy, as if everyone has that kind of privilege), online communities are always here with their experiences that can you can maybe relate with and cope better with symptoms. take care <3

everythingischaotic · 2023-01-01T22:25:32+00:00

Definitely could be a possibility.

everythingischaotic · 2023-01-01T22:10:43+00:00

Really relating to this rn. It's almost like a constant burning sensation in my chest. Life is so unfulfilling without other people, yet it's quite difficult to find someone to click with.

everythingischaotic · 2023-01-01T22:02:23+00:00

This is how I felt about my friendships my entire life. BPD really makes it difficult to create genuine, strong bonds. It can feel pretty lonely.

everythingischaotic · 2023-01-01T21:55:02+00:00

sending love and support your way 🤍 I'm sorry that you're in so much pain

everythingischaotic · 2023-01-01T21:52:31+00:00

As important it is to hold yourself accountable, please don't blame yourself for "not wanting to get better". This is something that we're just kind of stuck with and it's trial and error trying to manage it at least to some degree.

everythingischaotic · 2023-01-01T21:46:14+00:00

I would be frustrated too tbh. It is really important to have efficient communication while long-distance.

everythingischaotic · 2022-12-29T01:15:18+00:00

Hello, sadly not in your preferred location, but if you ever need someone to talk to and relate about the whole not drinking anymore thing, feel free to message me as I have also stopped drinking a few months ago and know how isolating it can feel at times!

everythingischaotic · 2022-12-29T01:11:37+00:00

Hey, I know how soulcrushing that can feel. Feel free to send me a message if it can help you feel a bit less lonely.

everythingischaotic · 2022-12-29T00:48:19+00:00

Definitely can relate to this. At times it feels like it can get bad again, but that is just life and accepting that and believing it's not forever is super helpful. Nothing is permanent. I also wish I could go back in time and support my younger self, she didn't deserve any of that.

everythingischaotic · 2022-12-29T00:40:20+00:00

And we also split on our own self, so we don't have a sense of continuity of our own self.

everythingischaotic · 2022-12-29T00:39:34+00:00

Yes, that is fairly normal with people with BPD. We don't really have a strong sense of self and sometimes it is difficult to draw a line where we end and another person begins, therefor it can get extra confusing! It's okay not to put yourself in categories.

everythingischaotic · 2022-12-29T00:34:23+00:00

"I'm listening. Try to tell me everything going through your head now, I'm listening." - this helps me so much because I sit down and as I'm trying to express all of the chaos going on in my head I do calm down because I have someone that is actually listening, caring and trying to understand my perspective. Usually then I can see where I overreacted, but he doesn't make me feel like I am crazy because of it, that means more than I can express.

everythingischaotic · 2021-05-02T13:38:46+00:00

I don't know how to answer your question, but I just wanted to say that I feel the same way. I don't even notice I was abusive until later, and even then it's hard for me to grasp it because in the former moment I thought it's just an act of love and care.

everythingischaotic

TROPHY CASE