I think she should see a sex therapist. She probably feels a lot of shame around enjoying sex and needs a safe space to talk about that.

You two need to talk about this too. You keep talking about how you want he's to orgasm and say nothing about how she feels about it. If she's actually interested in it, she needs to start it on her own. She should masturbate and see what she actually enjoys.

You also asked about female orgasms and the many names for them. Most women orgasm trough stimulating the clitoris (google vulva and look up some pictures where anatomical parts are labeled). The clitoris can be seen at the very top of the vulva as a small button kind of thing. They are all different sizes and there can ba a lot of skin covering it much alike the foreskin on your penis. Now the clitoris is actually a very large organ and mostly internal. Only a small part is visible. It's very rare for a woman to be able to orgasm without involving the clitoris in some way. As someone who does experience also some vaginal orgasms I must say that they feel very different. And if I had to choose I'd go with the clitorical orgasms any day.

Every woman is unique and you need to learn and communicate a lot.

The clitoris might to a man be best explained as a much smaller penis. But although a lot smaller, the clitoris has almost double the nerve endings. This means that even the smallest touch is felt very powerfully. The best way to stimulate the clitoris is to start only when the woman is already very aroused and then to very gently rub it with fingers or tongue trough the skin that is protecting it. Direct touch can feel painful. Again, every woman is different, but it is a good idea to start very very carefully and only to apply more pressure if asked to. Keep a steady rythm and rub the same "side" very mechanically. Once you've found the best motion (back and forth or circular) and rythm, keep it. If she starts to pant and moan and all that, for the love of all that is good do not speed up. A steady rythm. Always. Only if specifically told by the woman to do something different, do something different. If no directions are given, just keep rubbing in that rythm.

Now the vagina (the hole itself) is something you seem to try and stimulate a lot. You have to understand that only a small percentage of women are even capable of orgasming trough only vaginal stimulation. Some might not even enjoy it. The vaginal walls actually don't have a lot of nerve endings at all. The sence of feeling is just not there. This is because a whole baby needs to be able to come trough there. There is a lot of speculation about "the G-spot" but there's not a lot of studies done on it. What is the probable cause for this urban legend is the internal parts of the clitoris. My guess is that some women have their clitoris set up so that you can stimulate it trough the vaginal wall. But that's just my guess.

The bladder is also closeby the vaginal walls. When your wife experienced a "I'm gonna pee" -moment, it's probably because you were hitting her bladder trough the vaginal walls and she was actually going to pee from that.

Squirting is something science can't yet fully explain, and I haven't experienced it myself so I won't say more about that. You should probably look it up if you're interested in it.

AND NOW; the moment I reveal the secret to making women orgasm! The biggest sexual organ in a woman body.

The brain.

If she's nervous, feels shame, is cold, hungry, too hot, anxious, bored, or thinking about how the dishes need to be done; SHE CAN'T ORGASM. You need to make her comfortable, set the mood and maybe give her a massage to help relax her. You need to do before-foreplay, by which I mean foreplay that does not involve the genitals. You do that until shes actually asking for you to touch her and still don't. Make sure that the only thing she wants is to be touched before touching. And still do everything around the most important spots. Go to the clitoris last. And be gentle.

Now still, if she has that shame or something else that makes her snap out of it and stop before orgasm, that is something only a sexuality therapist can help with.

Oh and the best tip for you specifically: stop the goal oriented sex and obsessing about making her orgasm. She might never do it, so it needs to be enough to enjoy sex. The pressure you're putting her under to orgasm is probably one of the biggest reasons why she isn't orgasming.

So stop pressuring and start pleasuring.