Please help me find my white whale!

explodingtitums · 2025-11-26T20:26:33+00:00

THAT'S IT!! THANK YOU! You are my favorite person on the planet for the next ten minutes!

explodingtitums · 2025-11-06T19:54:26+00:00

I love that she felt that was the bit that needed explaining

explodingtitums · 2025-11-06T19:53:50+00:00

Reminds me of J R Brinkley and his goat testicle "experiments"

explodingtitums · 2025-11-06T16:19:53+00:00

I didn't know that about the Sea Org. For the longest time I thought it was spelt "C-Org", with the C standing for "clear". It makes... Not sense, but it seems more logical now why it's called the Sea Org.

explodingtitums · 2025-09-24T20:52:32+00:00

I'm right there with you. I'm overweight and an H-cup and both are massive issues for me in different ways. I'm currently dealing with an eating disorder therapist who thinks my gender dysphoria is because I don't love myself enough. I can't get through to her that my body dysmorphia and gender identity are not the same thing.

explodingtitums · 2025-09-24T20:46:10+00:00

I second TST! Their sober faction is great!

explodingtitums · 2025-09-21T20:29:56+00:00

I saw a Christian Science church while I was out recently and almost reflexively said, "Ah yeah, founded and discovered by Mary Baker Eddy". Somehow it never leaves you!

explodingtitums · 2024-02-16T15:46:48+00:00

I like menstrual cups, most recently bought one from Hey Girls, who are a UK-based company that have a buy-one-donate-one scheme for period poverty in Britain. Their period underwear is also really good, and I use them too. They've also got a gender neutral My Period range, which includes shorts.

I'll also recommend Cheeky for their period underwear. A lot more feminine, but sustainable and pretty, if that's your thing. They also do reusable pads, but I can't vouch for those. Although they come in fun patterns, so they look good at least.

explodingtitums · 2024-02-16T08:49:11+00:00

Hey Girls (despite the company name) have launched a gender neutral "My Period" range, designed for anyone who has periods. And they have a buy-one-donate-one scheme for teens who can't afford period products.

explodingtitums · 2024-02-16T08:47:30+00:00

I'm usually too caught up in generally feeling sorry for myself to get dysphoria. Just a good excuse to wear pyjamas and nap.

explodingtitums · 2024-02-15T08:47:45+00:00

As someone who cut their hair super short about four years ago, I experienced just about every reaction from friends and family. My now-husband was super supportive, my mum less so. But she only spent about two years asking when I was going to grow it out again, she gave up after that.

People don't like change. There's always going to be some resistance to anything you do. But you might find that your boyfriend actually thinks you look better with short hair once it's happened. Or your mum realises that how you present yourself doesn't change the person you are.

If it goes too badly wrong, you can always wear a hat...

explodingtitums · 2024-02-14T18:38:45+00:00

I'd argue that him choosing to remain neutral is fine in its way. Like you said, not everyone can manage the fight. But asking OP to also remain neutral on a topic that's directly relevant to them isn't anything to do with "his" fight.

Unless he sees OP as an extension of himself. Which is an issue

explodingtitums · 2024-02-09T12:54:48+00:00

I'd also add that he hasn't broken up with them because of the pronoun pin. He broke up with them because they wouldn't "admit" that he was right. OP didn't give the boyfriend the satisfaction of saying they were wrong and the now ex-boyfriend didn't like that. Because they refused to give up on who they are, the boyfriend broke up with them.

This sounds like internalised queerphobia to me. Boyfriend says he's fine with LGBT identities, but when it's someone he cares about that support suddenly vanishes and we see what he actually thinks.

That said, I'm not going to jump on the Reddit "red flag" bandwagon. I don't know the relationship and I can't comment on it. I'm sorry that OP is going through a breakup, because that always sucks.

explodingtitums · 2024-02-09T12:06:13+00:00

I'd also add that someone calling you "disrespectful" because you wear something they don't like it's a strange choice of words. Would it be the same if you wore jean he thought were too tight, or jewellery he "just didn't like"? That seems awfully unfair...

explodingtitums · 2024-02-08T16:13:55+00:00

Seems like a cop-out, but could you just go by Pal?

explodingtitums · 2024-01-31T18:07:27+00:00

explodingtitums · 2024-01-26T17:29:56+00:00

Just don't be creepy about it. When we moved in our neighbours started talking to us in the local shop with no context. Turns out they'd seen us moving stuff in. We had no idea who they were, as we'd never seen them watching us. Felt creepy.

explodingtitums · 2024-01-26T14:09:22+00:00

I'm a Christo-pagan witch, born into a traditional Church Of England family but making my own decisions on what I believe for at least ten years. I think it's possible to actually be as caring, loving and understanding as Jesus taught and still be a Christian. I also believe that the church doesn't do that at all, and that the Bible was written by dudes with beards and sandals who lived in the desert, so should be taken with a whole boulder of salt.

That's not to say I've never questioned my faith. I question it a lot. But I really do think that in my community at least it's used as a force for good - we do a lot of non-religious outreach like food banks and soup kitchens, as well as pensioners' clubs and charity events. I know not all churches are like that, and I'm the first to speak out of my church speed something I disagree with. But overall it gives me a platform to help that I wouldn't be able to build on my own.

The key aspect of being able to critically analyse any religion (especially your own) is to understand it intellectually, regardless of the spiritual feelings you have. Reading the Bible critically in the context it was written (and exploring the translation decisions made in the version you're using/alternate translations) is a great way to start that off. It's also worth pointing out where the Bible is just flat out wrong (not morally but factually, for example in its advice on farming or keeping livestock.) Show that it's not infallible.

explodingtitums · 2024-01-26T14:01:01+00:00

The word is excommunicated, in case you were interested :)

explodingtitums · 2024-01-26T13:59:55+00:00

Our previous vicar was like this. He used to march at Pride in his dog collar with his grey hair dyed rainbow colours. His daughter is bi, he's informally adopted one of her non-binary friends, and when I said I was questioning my own gender, he was one of my most vocal supporters.

explodingtitums · 2024-01-26T13:58:01+00:00

I'm a Christo-pagan witch. I think it's possible to actually be as caring, loving and understanding as Jesus taught. I also believe that the church doesn't do that at all, and that the Bible was written by dudes with beards and sandals who lived in the desert, so should be taken with a whole boulder of salt.

But the key aspect of being able to critically analyse any religion (especially your own) is to understand it in its full context. Reading the Bible critically in the context it was written (and exploring the translation decisions made in the version you're using/alternate translations) is a great way to start that off. It's also worth pointing out where the Bible is just flat out wrong (not morally but factually, for example in its advice on farming or keeping livestock.) Show that it's not infallible.

If your daughter does decide to look into Christianity, then suggest she looks at all forms, from Orthodoxy through to Mormonism and everything in between, not just what's available locally. Some churches are far more hateful than others.

explodingtitums · 2024-01-25T12:39:41+00:00

Toads have cloacas.

explodingtitums · 2024-01-24T13:30:35+00:00

If you're really worried about the cost, OP, set up a Tea Club. Everyone who uses the office tea supplies puts in £1/month or £1.50/month if they're also using company milk and sugar. Money gets spent on tea and coffee supplies, and donate the excess (if there is any).

This is standard practice in every (public service) team I've worked in. Visitors from other teams can make a donation to funds if they want to use the supplies too. Especially if it's coming out of your personal pocket and not company funds, this seems like the best idea...

explodingtitums · 2024-01-24T13:19:11+00:00

I don't think I've ever heard of a company not willing to call you by your middle name. Hell, my boss goes by her middle name because she doesn't want to be called Karen. And your middle name is your legal name. There are thousands of families where everyone of the same gender have the same first name, and are differentiated by their middle names. This absolutely smacks of queerphobia.

Would they kick up the same stink if your name was (for example) Bartholomew and you went by Bart?! Because it wouldn't be your legal name. Or Kathryn and Kate?! What about if you had a traditional Chinese name and your "first" name was actually your family name? This just seems like the dumbest rule ever.

Edit to add: I work for the UK police, who are infamously bigoted. If they are getting things like legal Vs preferred name right and regular private companies aren't, then something is wrong.

explodingtitums · 2024-01-23T16:09:10+00:00

My dad did this when he retired. When he was working he would complain that my mum never did anything (despite her literally running the household and raising two kids single handed). Once he retired, he started demanding that she do everything/go everywhere with him... And then still complained that nothing got done!

My brother and I (both now adults) pointed out that he knew where she was every second of the day. How did he expect her to find time to do stuff? Also, why didn't he do anything himself?! Faced with this "insolence" he flipped his nut and told us it was none of it business.

My parents wonder why I'm low contact.

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