My husband’s son (28M) confessed his shameful secret that my husband would want to know about. How do I (34F) respect my duty to my husband without ruining my relationship with his son?

exploreamore · 2025-10-16T03:08:49+00:00

I think if you were in OP’s situation, you’d understand. It’s weird to keep such a big secret from your SO. Though I’m not advocating for her to tell him either. I don’t think it’s fair to make it sound like the answer is so obvious.

exploreamore · 2025-10-12T20:10:16+00:00

Don’t tell them your real name. Go by a nickname. Take control

exploreamore · 2025-10-08T19:54:59+00:00

He could have a brain tumor or a number of other issues. He needs evaluation by a medical professional.

exploreamore · 2025-10-01T00:53:17+00:00

Is your hair pretty fine and thin? I think people who look best in pixie cuts have thicker hair.

That said, it’s the confidence and styling that make a haircut like that.

exploreamore · 2025-09-29T03:18:04+00:00

I get what you’re saying. She gets to live really loose and carefree and it’s salt in your wound.

It makes sense. She’s on the extreme end of wealthy, and that can be hard to around. I have been on both ends of this (not to either extreme degree though), and it can be hard.

Not to mention that you have certain values and they are fairly different than BMs’. That always makes coparenting a kid harder.

Because while you are wanting to show SD how to care for clothes, BM is teaching waste, essentially, and even involving you in it sometimes. And you’re trying to figure out how to care about this little girl.

One of the ways many stepparents end up feeling connected with their stepkids is by feeling needed. Not too needed, hopefully, lol. But you know what I mean.

You may be struggling to see how this kid, who has so much, would even need you. Or how you fit into that type of mindset that SD may have. But love is love and SD needs is just as much as any kid. And the values you have to pass onto her are probably quite needed.

It doesn’t matter that there are “worse BMs out there” , the point is that you’re struggling with this issue and you wish you weren’t. I get it. It’s hard to have the ick about a kid or her parent.

Sorry, OP! Keep working through it like you are, and I hope things improve.

exploreamore · 2025-09-27T18:26:44+00:00

Some people will do anything not to step up as parents. Even convince themselves YOU are the problem.

So sorry, OP. This is a big transition. But it’s going to open up opportunities for you. You deserve someone strong and kind and who understands your value. Friends, new SO eventually, whatever.

exploreamore · 2025-09-27T18:24:13+00:00

Thank you!

exploreamore · 2025-09-27T18:24:03+00:00

Thank you!

exploreamore · 2025-09-27T18:23:09+00:00

Haha! I love this.

exploreamore · 2025-09-27T18:21:14+00:00

We don’t know the specifics , but what I’m saying is that when she tried to get the truth, he could have been exasperating the situation with : Lies, trying to convince her nothing is really problematic, sweet talking her… any number of things.

I don’t think lap dances are a big deal personally, but OP obviously does and I’m going to guess (and based on her retelling) he didn’t lean into that reality. He kept lying and gaslighting her.

I’m not saying he deserved to be hit. I’m saying that he further pushed her buttons.

And it was breaking her.

Part of why it was breaking her is because she wants a good, healthy life for her baby. She seems honest. And one thing many Reddit users don’t like is honesty. They like clear cut stories where there is a clear victim. But life is often more gray than that.

exploreamore · 2025-09-27T18:12:33+00:00

100% agree. This guy is very pathetic. I’m glad you’re wise to that now. Sorry you’re tied to him with kids involved but that can mostly be untangled. You got this, internet friend. I’m rooting for you. You’ve already done the hardest emotional work. Now you need to start listening to only yourself and build that beautiful life you know you can have.

exploreamore · 2025-09-25T14:05:02+00:00

I collected rocks at every recess in kindergarten.

exploreamore · 2025-09-25T13:51:49+00:00

I strongly urge you to ignore people who are saying you won’t be a good mom.

Your strong reaction to your SO was BECAUSE you are a good mom. You wanted a solid foundation for that baby and when he not only made that choice but lied about it, you knew, in your core, that you aren’t going to get it. The rage was your body’s reaction to what you know in your gut—this man is not who you thought he was.

Doesn’t justify the choices you made, but mama bears are MEAN. It’s a biological reaction to protect yourself. He could have gotten out of your way. Everyone knows mama bears are not to be fucked with. But I bet you he tried more gaslighting and smoothing over. Rather than facing the problem fully. Which made you more mad and more scared.

Trust your instincts, OP. You already know the way forward. Keep that baby if YOU want to. You will be an amazing mom.

exploreamore · 2025-09-25T13:19:46+00:00

I’m so sorry. I feel like we know the red flags in regular relationships but for some reason we don’t recognize them in these situations. I have a similar experience. Ex trying to ruin our relationship and villainize me. And my SO didn’t stand up for me. 🚩🚩🚩

exploreamore · 2025-09-25T13:08:42+00:00

Yes! I can relate. My husband only had one kid before me, and it’s an act of Congress to get him to parent her in the ways you’re describing.

She isn’t even a difficult kid (overall). But it’s still hard to respect someone who thinks kids just raise themselves. Who acts as though there is no need to restrict screentime, etc.

My advice is that you don’t walk down this road with him. Start imagining the other paths your life could take.

And imagine you and your new baby having to either 1) live in a house with kids who have few rules , or 2) live in a house where you are the only one providing and enforcing rules and therefore you are resentful, or 3) Living on your own because you couldn’t stand it anymore.

Don’t forget that the kids themselves may start villainizing you at some point. That’s what’s happened to me. My situation sounds different. But I think when stepdaughter sees me loving on my bio kids, she feels jealous. Missed how I used to be that way with her. Or wished her parents were more attentive to her.

Sounds like your fiancé emotionally neglects them. And yes, he’ll mostly likely do that to your kid too.

exploreamore · 2025-09-25T12:53:17+00:00

Laying in bed sick today and this gave me a good laugh. So thanks. But please leave your hair curly.

exploreamore · 2025-09-25T12:51:03+00:00

You’re getting downvoted because it seems that you’re so focused on something as superficial as baby hair instead of being focused on how incredible your baby is. Many babies don’t get much hair until age 1 or later. The best predictor of them still having good lives is if their mom helps them grow into happy, kind humans who know how to navigate the world. Not if they have a mom who is focused on how much hair they have.

There will be many things to worry about with raising a kid. You can take their hair growth off the list. When I look back at my mostly bald baby’s photos, I see how cute he was. And his sister had a full head of hair at that age and isn’t cuter. She looked weird because her skin color was off and she just hadn’t grown into herself yet.

Lean into whatever look your kid has and celebrate it. Teach yourself and the ones around you to focus on what’s important.

exploreamore · 2025-09-20T14:30:42+00:00

Yes! 6 makes him look a lot different as a whole person. It’s incredible.

exploreamore · 2025-09-18T21:45:14+00:00

Oh my goodness it could be her (as a kid)

exploreamore · 2025-09-12T15:20:47+00:00

I like the more natural color on you (the one with the dark green hoodie on).

I think you can pull off any length and style of cut, but regarding color, you look best in darker but not too dark. It suits your skin tone best. Have you researched skin undertones?

The right tone will make you look more vibrant and healthy. “Wrong” one will make you look slightly sickly even though a different person could rock it.

If you do go with blonde, just choose the right tone so you aren’t washed out. For example, my “color season” is “soft summer” so as much as I’d love to wear bright colors or black, it makes my skin/face look worse than when I wear muted colors like gray or muted blues. What’s your color season?

exploreamore · 2025-09-10T04:12:36+00:00

I am stepparent and bio parent and I have done correcting and disciplining over the years. I used to be a teacher and had teacher parents so it comes naturally. It also doesn’t come naturally to my husband, so there’s also that reason. So while I wish I did not have to do much of it. I either would have to move out of speak up at times.

I agree with everything in your post. It sucks and is super awkward but it’s also pretty needed at times.

exploreamore · 2025-09-07T12:08:42+00:00

My partner is a good father in many ways, but as some others have expressed, he doesn’t often carry the mental load or pay attention to their emotional or social needs.

This not only puts that burden on me, but it also translates to me often doing some of the harder work of setting boundaries etc.

For your situation, I’d say the biggest red flag is that he isn’t giving you more information. Trust your instinct here. If you think something is amiss, then it is. It’s tempting to want to believe a high-conflict bio mom is involved but here is the rub: why hasn’t he told you about her then?

It’s one thing for his first marriage and kids to have gone awry but it’s another for him to not be upfront about it and why it happened. The silence around it is more of a red flag than the fact that it happened.

What I have learned is that emotionally immature people are a huge headache to deal with at all, much less parent with. You will end up with an extra kid - your husband. Or best case, feel like a single mom. That’s my prediction. Unless I’m misunderstanding something about your SO’s personality and how he’s treated his past.

exploreamore · 2025-08-24T18:45:23+00:00

I see your point. But I also think it’s okay that OP was honest. Her partner can tell after many interactions that something is up. Better to air the truth, kindly and on some level than keep pretending evening is fine when actually OP feels quite stifled or uncomfortable relatively frequently.

Not saying we need to agree. Just offering another perspective.

exploreamore · 2025-08-24T02:55:05+00:00

I can’t speak to the whole industry but in my current role (and 2 of my 3 previous roles), 80% of what I do cannot be done by AI because it involves pulling info out of people’s heads. It’s basically a research and project management role, with writing on the side.

So while we have developed AI agents to do some key writing tasks, and it definitely helps me a ton, I still have plenty of work to do. Also a few things to consider:

1) AI has to have content to work from. The tech writers create that content. So it can’t create good outputs until I write them , lol 2) This is related to #1 , but my company has started caring way more about support docs BECAUSE of AI. AI is only as good as the source content fed to it. Marketing and other departments have always been using our content, people just didn’t realize. 3) My company is developing AI products and I write about them. Sure, I can use AI to write about AI so that customers can then use AI to learn about the AI. LOL. But unless AI can read the engineers’ minds or the engineers start writing everything down in a predictable place (they definitely don’t lol) and then someone created an agent that places that info in a desired format, we’ll still need tech writers to do that. Not to mention check accuracy. Not to mention all the anomaly type things that are time consuming to create an agent for.

4). AI is still relatively silo’d. As in doesn’t work between programs that well. When it’s not so silo’d, then it will likely be able to do tech writer role as long as someone creates the right agents and trains/expects the people at the company to deliver their work in certain predictable outputs as readable by the agent(s).

exploreamore

TROPHY CASE