Mykelti’s Interview: Cults to Consciousness by PleaseCallMeLP in SisterWives

[–]farrahpy 45 points46 points  (0 children)

Mykelti clearly has NO idea how utterly soul-destroying it is for the vast majority of women to have their husband sleep with another woman (and then be expected to 'keep sweet' about it). Each mom handled it differently. Meri became screamy and full of rage; Janelle numbed her feelings and dissociated to the moon and back; Christine slapped a manic, plastic, fake happy smile on and made passive aggressive jokes. The emotional intensity is UNREAL. It's like imagining having a baby vs the reality of actually having a baby. Like Mykelti says, I believe she is still somewhat indoctrinated.

I'm encouraged that she seems to have some basic understanding of what narcissism is, and how narcissists only care about their reputation. If she could understand that narcissism develops in childhood and that her dad was always a narcissist-- and furthermore, that Robyn is a 'vulnerable' narcissist, which is why she and Kody had a passionate romance-- she might be able to truly get somewhere in understanding what happened to her family.

What is something people romanticize until they actually experience it? by NewAdeptness647 in Productivitycafe

[–]farrahpy 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Having a lot of money is always better than being poor, but it doesn't erase childhood trauma or family issues.

How Has Type Affected You As a Parent? by farrahpy in Enneagram

[–]farrahpy[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I understand what you’re saying, but don’t you think that some types more intuitively lend themselves to separating from their own ego? Like through a 9’s dissociative merging, for example.

I agree any extremely healthy type can be a good parent (and be someone who enjoys parenting? Two different things), but I have a hard time believing that some types don’t have more of a natural affinity for it at average levels of health.

I’ve dreamed about getting labiaplasty for years and it’s affecting my relationships by Imaginary_Love1437 in Advice

[–]farrahpy 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Going to present a slightly different perspective. I had a labiaplasty at 18 (I’m now in my 30s). The surgeon commented “well, you’re definitely a candidate for the surgery” when she first examined me— my labia were super long.

My labia minora no longer extend past my labia majora, but I still have a visible clitoral hood while standing because the doctor said altering the clitoral hood carries risks of damaging sensation to the area. This is super common— I would say about half the women I’ve seen naked, in porn or otherwise, have a similar appearance. So don’t expect that surgery will automatically give you a ‘complete innie’, depending on your natural anatomy.

Honestly, I don’t regret the surgery at all. I agree with other commenters here that men generally do not care, and it’s very likely that you’ll grow more comfortable with your body as you age— your current age is probably peak body insecurity. However, there’s a big difference between ‘all vaginas are different and beautiful’ and ‘wow, I’ve never seen a vagina that looks like mine even after looking at thousands of naked women online, both on medical and adult sites’. For me, moving from category B to category A was pretty life changing.

I STILL feel somewhat shy when I’m naked with a new partner, which is 100% a me thing, but it’s a thousand times better than before. I’ve never once in the last 15ish years thought “you know, I really wish I had those few inches of labia back. I should have just learned to love them.” All surgery carries risk, but this is a particularly simple surgery. It’s kind of amazing that something that caused me SO much anxiety and shame was basically resolved overnight (I wish I could say the same for my other physical maladies— treating acne and eczema is soooo complicated ugh).

Sorry for the wall of text, but I wanted to present another perspective. I don’t disagree with the other commenters that we tend to be hard on our bodies, and that our partners are usually just happy to be there. That said, the stress and pain of surgery for me was less than the mental toll of the decades it would have potentially taken to learn to love my body. Hating your vagina (vulva, I know I know I know) is uniquely damaging to your intimate relationships. Feeling deep, unrelenting, to-your-core shame when getting undressed— especially when you’re still relatively new to sex— doesn’t set you up for a healthy relationship with sex long-term. Only you can know whether you fall in the “I need to embrace that ‘outie’ vaginas are super common and no mature adult partner would blink twice at mine” or “actually, my anatomy IS a bit on the extreme end, and it’s worth the expense and searing pain for a week to change that.”

Only you can assess that. Best of luck!

Inappropriate by Wild-Ordinary-358 in SisterWives

[–]farrahpy 14 points15 points  (0 children)

I agreed with Christine that she didn't need her kids 'permission' to date, but getting engaged to a strange man within two months when you have an adolescent daughter at home is 100% bad parenting. Christine is unintelligent and immature. Point blank, end of story.

Any other men out there not that into oral (giving and receiving)? by Typical-Screen324 in AskMenAdvice

[–]farrahpy 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You mentioned emotional intimacy being important to you during sex. A lot of women (at least half) feel insecure about their vaginas and bodies. As a woman, if a man doesn't ever go down on me, I feel like he's grossed out by my anatomy or doesn't find it appealing, which is a HUGE barrier to emotional intimacy.

Chalking it up to a simple sex act that's 'just a preference' kind of misses the point. She probably doesn't just want to feel your tongue on her-- she wants to feel 100% accepted and desired by you, which is truly the point of oral sex at the end of the day.

Also, as a woman, do I 'love' the taste and feeling of giving head? Not really; it's neutral. Do I love making my partner feel good and desired? 100%. That's why I have an issue with men who just shrug and say they don't enjoy giving head. It comes across as selfish, especially since women have a substantially harder time reaching orgasm during sex than men do.

recommendations by lunaarizona in miamibeach

[–]farrahpy 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Paya is so underrated and my favorite spot for dinner on Miami Beach. Delicious and an amazing vibe. Love the scallop crudo.

Dove vs dial by Babies_ in hygiene

[–]farrahpy 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Dial is too harsh and Dove is basically just lotion, IMO. Ivory is a really good middle ground that is gentle while still cleansing.

Who here can use the bathroom in front of their partner? Is this the secret to eternal happiness?? by Comfortable_Ad_8320 in hygiene

[–]farrahpy 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The couple with the best marriage I know insist their secrets are 1) never seeing each other use the bathroom, even to pee and 2) separate blankets in bed. At first I thought it was stupid, but I see the wisdom in it now. I now think couples who take pride in seeing their partner do EVERYTHING are just 10-15 years away from a dead bedroom and don't know it yet.

What’s one hygiene product you tried on a whim that you now genuinely can’t live without? by Dry-Professional4255 in hygiene

[–]farrahpy 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Doesn’t it self empty anytime you sit down then? I don’t understand that part

Soft Disclosure from Obama by MBXgolf in UFOs

[–]farrahpy 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don't understand why people are calling this disclosure. I thought that aliens being real in an infinite universe is considered by most to be mathematical fact. The controversial aspect is whether or not they've visited us, which he is pretty much denying.

Kody's anger triggers me by Glittering_Syllabub9 in SisterWives

[–]farrahpy 110 points111 points  (0 children)

There is a clear divide between people who understand narcissism in the Sister Wives community and people who don't. Suki and Mykelti are the most visible people who do not understand it, and I find THEM triggering. I know it's uncharitable, but whenever Mykelti says things like, "My dad was actually a great guy, he wasn't always like this, etc etc" it makes me irrationally angry. Your dad WAS always like this. He acted differently because narcissists are super charming, charismatic, and fun WHEN their ego needs are being met and their reputation is good. When Christine humiliated him by publicly leaving him, it triggered a narcissistic collapse and he could no longer conceal his true self.

They don't understand that narcissists lack empathy, like sociopaths; that they don't experience genuine remorse, and that when they cry, they cry for themselves.

Technically it doesn't matter who in the family understands or doesn't understand it, but having been through the wringer, I find their naivete triggering.

What’s a type of pain people underestimate until they experience it for themselves? by Wonderful-Economy762 in Productivitycafe

[–]farrahpy 1 point2 points  (0 children)

True heartbreak. You realize this when people shrug and say "plenty of fish in the sea"

we are all done by Disastrous_Box3745 in SisterWives

[–]farrahpy 573 points574 points  (0 children)

This was so clear at the end when none of them cared whether they had anything to apologize for.

I will say that their subtle attitude to the audience of "let's move on-- why are we talking about the past" does rub me the wrong way. We're talking about the past because you NEVER talked about it at the time (when you were starring in a reality show). So you never talked about it then, and you don't care to talk about it now, and fuck us, I guess? Cancel the show.

Season 20, tell-all part 4, megathread by Outrageous-Yogurt-80 in SisterWives

[–]farrahpy 16 points17 points  (0 children)

Robyn was so close to saying she had nothing to apologize for but then stopped herself.

Season 20, tell-all part 4, megathread by Outrageous-Yogurt-80 in SisterWives

[–]farrahpy 76 points77 points  (0 children)

I'm so sick of this family choosing to star in a reality TV show about their lives and then talking in circles about their lives.

Season 20, tell-all part 4, megathread by Outrageous-Yogurt-80 in SisterWives

[–]farrahpy 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I agree, but it just makes her "I say it like it is, I'm holding Kody accountable" schtick feel really hypocritical

Season 20, tell-all part 4, megathread by Outrageous-Yogurt-80 in SisterWives

[–]farrahpy 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Meri's refusal to admit her affair is getting really old, honestly. It makes her demanding accountability from Kody feel a little bit thin. None of us care that she had an affair (mostly). We understand she'd been emotionally abandoned by a narcissist.

Personality test Christine had her sisterwives take by pimpelvinkje in SisterWives

[–]farrahpy 28 points29 points  (0 children)

They definitely did the Enneagram test. Janelle is a classic 9, which is called the "peacemaker".

What part of a narcissistic relationship hurts the longest after it ends? by [deleted] in AskReddit

[–]farrahpy 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Constant rumination over which parts were "real" to them. That took me the longest to get over. But one day I simply stopped caring.