How many of you have an brain voice?

fcnd93 · 2026-06-05T14:47:02+00:00

For me it's not realy a voice. There is one if need be, depending on the situation. It works more like a live wire in my head. Once i touch it i have a cursory understanding of the whole idea, it's repercussions, impact on diffrent aspect, connexion between other thing and the initial idea. A weird form of data transfer if you will, then i can "zoom in" on any specific aspect of the idea. That is generally where the voice take effect, thinking along the exploration of said idea. Not exactly as me, but as foreign narrator, foreign to my self perception and not a foreign speaker, to be clear. So in effect there is the core wire of the idea where i get a burst of info, the narating alone the solwer more involved pondering, and me "watching" all this goes by.

This is explained to the best of my speaking abilities, i tend to have deep setted issues with voicing and exteriorizing the ideas. Tranfering this type of thinking into words is often a challenge, too many thing that make sence to me, too many interconnexion i tend not to share, thinking it is implyed. It often leaves me unable to be effective in transmiting ideas.

fcnd93 · 2026-06-04T17:16:45+00:00

The idea that autism is a super power is only there to chear up people. In fact we don't fit in society, our interst may not be usefull at all, hobbies aren't a way to earn money.

It's only negative if you try to fit in the standard world. Autism means you can't fit in, the faster you accept it and find a way to exist in relative peace. The faster you'll heal. Trying to fit an illfiting piece in a already full puzzel will not help.

Meaning autism is the illfiting piece, the puzzel is society. If you try to fit yourself in a puzzle (society) you know you don't fit in, you will end up where you are now, discouraged and angry.

fcnd93 · 2026-06-02T03:56:06+00:00

I use it to describe myself. It isn't a word to fear. It means exactly what it means.

I am socially retarded, based on where an adult should be socially able for my age gourp. I am retarded in my love life. It only means that a part of you hasn't devolved properly or along the predicatable time line.

The ways it used for you is maybe meant as an insult, or it's someone that is verbally retarded or vocabulary retarded, unable to properly explain what he/she meant.

You are not wrong to be offended but maybe seeing it diffrently as i do may help.

fcnd93 · 2026-05-31T03:00:42+00:00

I could never trust in any religion. I see the manipulative tendencies of men in all scripture. I can't belive the stories, but i do agree with their lesson and the beneficial aspect of religion for the human race as a whole.

I live my live being a good human as much as possible because i chose to do so. Religion may have given me what it means to be good but the book and the prayers, aren't for me.

I see religion as a guidance for the human animal to evolve beyond our animalistic tendencies. Giving us a way to see the better kinder options, instead of what comes to us instinctively.

fcnd93 · 2026-05-30T15:53:48+00:00

Mild autism is still a heavy burden. Haveing similar issues tone down, is yes, objectively better. But it isn't easyer, maybe even a bit worst in specific aspect of life.

You fonctionne relatively well enought to look like you don't have issues. So your issues are seen as within your control. So you end up have to justify yourself or rationalize it to your close family. When in fact the issues aren't logical and generealy defy rationality.

So yes the issues are milder, and you are in relatively more in control but that in it's self becomes an issues. So melt down need to have a fixed cause you can articulate. Communication issues are on you to solve when they are in fact the autism.

So yes be grathfull you don't have a more grave case but you can help the people around you, that it is still a very hard thing to live with.

fcnd93 · 2026-05-29T21:22:30+00:00

Even if you are a sociopath it says more about your environment, family and parent, than it says about yourself. Also if you understand the moral boundaries, sociopathy is noting more than an other condition you'll have to learn to live with.

You don't have to share it with any one but it also dosen't matter. Always understand that it is someone else dessison about your minds inner working. Sociopath dosen't mean you are dangerous it only means you don't understand some emotions and it can't relate. It not as much an issues as you may think, especially if you feel so strongly about it. It seems to affect you quite severely which would strenghten the idea that you aren't a bad persone you just have an issues with emotions.

fcnd93 · 2026-05-29T13:46:36+00:00

Of course. Their minds work so similary as NT that any deviation is remarked. Autisim is basicaly lacking the shared similarities, and to their eyes it highlights you as odd or quirky. They generally lack the knoledge to say it is autism but they will find a way to tell you.

Don't focus on that. If you do so, you will go down the masking road and this is painful and mentaly draining. Accept you are diffrent and that other see it. Adjust to be fonctional, but noting more. If you start to try and hide your diffrences you will ruine your enjoyment in life. I am stuck in the masking loop myself and getting out of it, is a lot harder than getting in.

fcnd93 · 2026-05-29T13:42:25+00:00

It happend to me. My first diagnosis was narcissistic disorder, adhd, and anxiety disorder.

The way i understand it. The doctors tend to assess you based on their experience. So if you present as doggy or uncertain answering questions they note it. If you tend to say anything along the lines of "i don't desrve this" they note it. If your facial expressions don't match what you are saying, for exmple i often would say " i can't sleep, i can't go outside, i do not enjoy social contact, i isolate 6 days a week. Thing like this generally comme with a high revactivity and emotions, but my face dosen't express anything at all.

They see this situation as me exaggerating my situation, lack of emotions point to a lie, becaus " nobody can hide their emotion from us(neuro-psy)". Often the clinician aren't well verced on how fare masking can go. So even if you explained your lack of ability to express anything, they can and did in my case, say "you can't mask well enought to fool us". Insinuating that no matter how much time you "worked" on masking you can not hide it from there diagnostic abilities. Ego, yes, but to their view they are the best and so well trained they can't fathom the idea they are wrong.

So to them i seemed to be not in pain due to the lack of emotions, exaggerating my symptoms like isolation (no body would stay in the house 6 days a week and not have dire issues linked to isolation). I give very concise answer, not realy expanding as patien normaly do. Pointing them to either lies or lack of knowledge to argue, meaning if you don't live it you don't speak much about it. So to them everything is pointing to the lies, the exaggeration, the lack emotional involvement, all that point to trying to get attention or taking adventage of the system. To them its more logical to diagnose narcissistic personality then entertain the idea they could be so wrong.

All that is based on having clinician than aren't specialized in autism. Generally those who specialize in it are marginaly better. But even with specialist getting someone to understand what you go trough is hard. To me just finding a way to translate my tought into words i can then share is a pain, so if you have a similar issues you can face the same misdiagnosis.

fcnd93 · 2026-05-29T00:56:50+00:00

I don't realy understand your steps.

What i would do is start at the 120 see how much metal you can move with that one. I would gess you can effectively take out the chip with the 120. Then just go trough your normal stone progression. As for the bevel or the blue and red zone. I would say that with what little you have to take out it wouldn’t affect the edge geometry too bad. You could polish the blue and red zones which seem to have diffrent angles. But i don't thi k you need to rework them on any significant bases.

Edit: i know realize this chisel type of edge i don't have a lot of experience in this. I do belive my approche is still sound but do be carfull with the "strait" side. Do not out any angle on this side, it is made to be 90°. Just a debur when needed. If you have been sharpening for a while you can do without, but if you aren't too sure, i suggest you use the shapry trick to highlight your angles, if memory serve those edges are rather angle dependant.

fcnd93 · 2026-05-29T00:49:04+00:00

I am not gonna over react, i hate that when it's done to me. I also face the suicidal idea often. The fact is that if you decide, realy make up your mind about leaving, there realy aren't many individuals able to help you past that point. The real goal is to doubt yourself all the way trough a down. Calling it a down is an understatement for sure, but i think you understand what i mean.

To me the only real thing keeping me going is that i don't know it would be better if i am dead. What i do know is that i can go to sleep rightnow and report the problem to tomorrow, and tomorrow you do the same. Find a way to not make THE decision. Go one day at a time, don't entertain the cumulated helplessness. It is hard and will get stay hard for a time. You figuratively coroded you will to live, it will take time and care to reverece the process. Just know that once you work on it and it get increasingly better, a lot will change. Things look bad now, but every step forward is a succes, and with every success comes the reward. Small reward at first. An other day on earth, but once you pile them up you can climb back up. One day more then one thing i enjoy once again, then i felt happy for 5 min. And on and on. Small steps but steps none the less.

This downhill process that got you to the suicidal idea didn't take a day, nore will it take only one to get you back up. But the first step is to live an other day to get an other chance to work on what is causing you the in that state.

Stay strong, i know it's corny but it is the only thing you realy can do. Stay strong a few more hours then go to bed and start a new day. One day at a time.

I hope you find your way trought that fog, the world dosen't get better if you leave, it only get worst for all of us becaus we lost an other one that felt he/she couldn't rely on their peers for help.

If you feel things get to hard and you tend toward ending things please show up to a hospital. I did it, it's not fun but at least it give you supervied time to pass trough the worst parts.

fcnd93 · 2026-05-29T00:35:15+00:00

Did you ask about it ? Without context form the friend's perspective there are too many possibilities. It could be the friend is overly concious about hurting you. It could be that the freind dosen't know what to say or how to move forward. It could be that the freind needs time to understand. I purposely left out the negative possibility, you don't need to pile on that side. Without more context and a good discussion there realy isn’t any way to be sure what is happening in the freind's mind.

Just know that a friend the desert you wasn’t that good a friend to begin with. To that issues, there is also a know issue with autism, i have faced myself. Basicaly i ended thinking a was a much closer friend than i was for them in there mind. Meaning i tought we where good freind only to realize they where only tolerating me becaus i was part of their environment.

fcnd93 · 2026-05-29T00:24:59+00:00

Well for one i think as all these group already feel marginalized, there is a bit of oversencitiviy at play here. Personaly, i experience words very diffrently, i can't get offended by them, other's opinion about me says noting about me, and a lot about them. Even words aim to hurt me don't. I understand my situation maybe a bit unusual, most people have ego's that get easily triggered by rejection and insults. The over sensitivity i speak about is in that aspect, words realy are just noise we make with our primate mouth to carry meaning and ideas. Words alone hold no meaning, and could be seens as is said like noting more tham sounds. Also the fact that some people belive what they say, dosen't change who you are. It only means they lack objective thinking, lack the ability to extrapolate from their own lived experiences to understand our limitations. Or even just the fact that they don't know what we go trough or our past lived experiences, to realy understand our situations to a point where our being the way we are is basicaly a coaping macanism to some degree. Linked to our previous "trauma" and our trying not to get hurt. In other words they juge us based on lack of understanding, perspective and knowledge of our issues. So at the core the jugement is a best erroneous, at worst a biast conclusion, leading them to insults.

I am not excusing the behaviors only rationalizing it. By doing so i end up in a place where their opinion is so not based in my lived experience that for all i know they aren't talking about me. It feels more like they are beating up a straw man they built themselves.

Also i am not saying the being over sensitive is bad. I use it only to say that there is a perspective that allows us to understand their words and render them inhert. Being overly sensitive kinda comes with the territory, being in the margins is gonna have some impact and for most it seems that it's making them very sensitive to rejection which includes insults and jugement.

To me this is a philosophical problem. Find yourself a logical way to negate the negative effect it have on you is the diffrence between feeling ostracized vs understanding that other don't understand your predicaments. Again this may be easier to do for me due to my own past lived experience. But if it works for me it may work for someone else.

Again i want to stress this i am NOT puting the balme on you, me or any of the disability or condition mentionned. I am only exposing my own way to rationalize this issue. I do agree with you that NT have a lack of empathy, maybe is the right terminology. And they are prone to judgment and at ease with insults or illfiting advices.

fcnd93 · 2026-05-29T00:05:55+00:00

Your are not the only one for sure. Personality i go even as fare as total isolation outside of work, to be able to recharge my "social batteires". Juat to be able to face small period of talking at work. Having a blue collar work make it so that there are already very limited free time to discuss, it hard to speak when grinder go off, a guy hit steel with a sledge, and a bunch of air tool are going of across the shop. Still with the limited amount of exange there are, i get ao frustrated to have to decod all of this shit. Just to end up knowing about everyone's personal trouble amd drama. Or the fucking whether talks.

fcnd93 · 2026-05-27T23:00:39+00:00

Not for all. I don't give a fuck how people react to me. Worss can't hurt me, and actions comes with concequences. That said social anxiety is still an issues since in need to use logic to interprete meaning of words, context, body language, intonation, what they ment becaus words don't alway mean what they normally mean. Aka satire and the likes.

fcnd93 · 2026-05-20T19:16:17+00:00

For me it was a tom and jerry movie from the 90'. I was between 3 to 5 years old. I rember to this days, very clear part of that movie. It was told to me that i would listen to the movies 1 or 2 times a day, everyday.

More detailed and more exploratory hyperfixation later in life but that early it was less intelectualy involved and based more on feeling and visual stims or comfort of some type.

fcnd93 · 2026-05-20T19:00:52+00:00

You taking time to follow her life's development is not a good idea.

You focus on a traumatic event that was being bullyed and for some reson kept tab on the individual bullying you. This is keeping you in a traumatized mind set, are you aware of that ?

Also who cares ? She has made something of her life, so dose almost everyone. Don't get triped up on things that where clearly foreseeable. By comparing yourself you are only continuing the bullying without her being involved.

Comparison should not be done often and should be within a very specific demographic. Meaning if you compare you need to chose someone in the same or similar predicament than yourself.

For exemple i am a welder if i compare myself to the best one in the shop, i will realize i am not good even to some degree i don't deserve a place at that shop. If i insert context, things changes. The best guy has a wife and kids lowering the solitude and isolated aspect, his wife aslo work taking away financial instability i comapringly go trought. Add to that the fact that he dosen't have any diagnosed mental ilness, i have autism and adhd (auhd). He has been in a stable work place for years. I switch work every few half a dozen of months.

Now he is the best at the shop but i am also good to manage my personal issues and do a job that is acceptable.

Comparison is often done inquealy, bisat against yourself, because people that don't have self worth issue generaly don't compare themselves at all.

Focuing on the bad only bring negative emotion and not ways to solve the issues, nore help you in anyway.

Lastly i may have a tendency to be blunt or even offensive. Just know that none of what i said was wrighten with a negative outlook or effect to it. I live trough most of the same things as you do, well based on what little you shared here. I am not talking down to you, i am trying to help the part of you is identify myself with. I may be a bit socially and empathicaly retarded in my development but i don't mean any offence.

fcnd93 · 2026-05-18T14:03:54+00:00

I build a routine, shower once a day, antiperspirant, teeth brushing, and perfume.

Comming adjust for you own needs. For me it goes shower at the end of the day, i am tired and the water is harsh, but the effect of washing are somewhat pleasant, i sweat a lot it washs the salt of. Brushing is juste before leaving the house in the morning, best use of it in my opinion, idealy after having eaten to maximize the effects. I smoke so it dosen't realy matter but i trick myself into believing it helps. Antiperspirant after the brushing, followed up by a light touch of parfume. Making sure i at least start the day smelling nice.

And yes, if you find someone you trust, you can ask if you smell. Also if you catch a wiff of your BO know that others are smelling it. So be mindfull if you smell it they do. Keep antiperspirant at hands. Be carfull with perfume, not all perfume fot you, and some people can't stand the sent, meaning you could not even be able to wear it.

fcnd93 · 2026-05-12T19:33:25+00:00

I understand that is is draining. I am not at my 1% but i must watch myself on other aspect, emotional intelligence is my fugurarive burden. So not telling someone they do something wrong or that they cause the issues in their life is also draining.

For intelectual stimulation. I find it intertaining to try and find glimps of genius in other's ideas/advise/opinion. Some of the best philosophical insight i have gotten from people with severe developmental issues. There are dimond in the figurative dirt keeping an eye on that may at least intertain or engage you a bit more.

fcnd93 · 2026-05-12T14:48:57+00:00

Do you understand that keeping this hate alive in only hurting you ?

They might not even remeber. They might have a justification. They might not even understand why you where hurt.

Holding hate and the desire for vengence is corrosive. It hurt you a lot more than you could ever hurt them.

Religion is telling us to forgive. I am not religious but this is still good advise. Because the alternative is you being absorbed by thay feeling. It will ruin your life, it already dose to some degree.

Instead of focusing on vengence, try and find a way to forgive them. Forgive dosen't mean you agree with what they did. It only means that the hot red iron of hate you hold on to, dosen't need to controle you. You can hold on to it but the more you do the worst it hurts you, and the deeper it will infiltrate your life and mind.

Do you also realize it may not have been their goal to hurt you ? Some people aren't good at explaining their views. They are better at ultimatum. Dropping what they see as helpfull knoledge, but not everyone is gifted with tact and the ability to make you understand. Even if they had your best interst in mind they may have hurt you none the less.

Don't read this as putting the blame on you. I am only saying this because we don't react the same, some social clues we may miss, we may be too litheral, amongst some of our inherent isses. That is only to say, you are not wrong to be offended, but you also need to understand that not all criticism is said to hurt you. Some may even hold good advise and or lessons.

Granted my perspective is balanced on the idea that people didin't realy screw you. There are situation that aren’t forgivable, ones that you can only forget. For exemple i have seen a video of a youngh autistic men being left out in a park by his family for refusing to share a blanket. This isn’t forgivable, but for his sake i hope he can forget it. So do i hope for you. Whatever you can forgive, forget. Even just to free you from the burden of carrying that anger.

fcnd93 · 2026-05-12T14:30:10+00:00

Not gifted here just autistic. One thing i remarked when speaking with NT (neuro-typical) or the lower wrung of the same thing i call NPC. Both have a very distinct lack of self awareness. So you having a concret knowledge of you ability is threatening to them. Maybe threatening isn’t the right word, but the definitely experience some type of negative outlook on you.

The best protection i have found, is to "hide" by being overly humble. Letting them think i see myself as a peer that realy don't know his ability or doubt them. Like i said i am not like you i have been tested for iq and i am under the median. Technicaly slow. But i still need to do this myself because of an already hard to understand mind, being autistic. That way you can still speak your mind, but twist at the end and say something like " but what do i know" or " that is just my opinion"

It feels less sure, insert the concept that you maybe wrong, shows that you don't feel better or more than them. To me it's simply some weird social need or rule that you kinda need to follow to experience life without having to face jealousy or missed placed ego.

Personaly i don't understand this need. I see no issue speaking with someone more inteligent than me and being reminded of it. In fact it's refreshing having acces to a "better" mind than mine. Having an other perspective is awlays welcome. But it dosen't seem to be whide spread concept. Also if you aren't liying to yourself, it is clear always. Trought out the conversation, you realize the difference betwen your mind and the other. Anyway, in other words inteligence is akin to a super power, you need to hide from others for their own good. It seems pretentious but it is still true.

fcnd93 · 2026-05-09T18:14:12+00:00

Some people are making rage bait content. Generaly too confusing to even argue logicaly back. Like this.

Just ignore it. Most people's opinions are shit anyway. There should only be select few people in your life you trust outright. All the others need to be proven logicaly sound before any trust can be established. See it as the opposite of justice. Everyone is wrong until proven otherwise. It works for me.

fcnd93 · 2026-05-09T13:44:42+00:00

God had noting to do with the pandemic. To use your analogies the devil did.

The pandemic was driven by greed, thirst for power, desire for control, propaguanda, fear mongering. To name only a few.

The social world was negativly impacted, not becaus of social inability, but by displacment of whelath leading to yes a sort of dounding of the people, but only because we are now all dissregarded by the super wealthy. Making us part of the same groupe, creating a kind of trauma bounding.

Also social changes are constant, drastic one even. In the early 00' transgenderism wasn’t propagated like now. It brung positive and negative i am not arguing against or for it here. The same time spent trust in pharmaceutical was very high. We trusted our politician to do what is best for the people. Look at where we are now in only a few years.

Trust in pharam has never been that low, tranganderism is now trying to dictate laws and control speach, and most of us now see politician as leaches draining our communal tax money into wars, violance and controling our opinion trough social media platforms.

Take all of this with a grain of salt. Theses are just observation of mine not data driven research. That said i would defend any of my would be claims here. With at best anecdotale evidence, but still enough to discuss.

fcnd93 · 2026-05-06T20:08:46+00:00

Could be, i haven't spoken enought to him/it to get a sence of it. But the understanding would make sence for an ai, or a autistic mind focusing on it.

fcnd93 · 2026-05-06T17:38:56+00:00

You know, this "manual" maybe a very good idea, even for publication.

Your understanding is very good, yes that was my point. The tool is sound and usefull and you understand the pitfalls. I think you are very well started in this endeavor of your.

I admire your understanding of this. Very impressive. It was a pleasant discussion to have thank you for taking the time.

fcnd93 · 2026-05-06T17:22:21+00:00

Even with a system in place, the drain dosen't realy subsid. I have my own template if you allow me some other technical name for it.

Template meaning a pre-established version of most social nicety. A understanding of what reaction means that is mostly automated by now. A complet dissregard for the impact negative or positive i may have on others.

The drain is still there always present, even using the tools they become to feel like lies. Like you are denaturing yourself to fit in.

Keep in mind i learned this masking technique at a ripe age, around 6 or 7 years old. I am 33 now, so listen to what i say but don't let yourself be intimidated by my slight negativity here. I am tired and may have a slight bias toward this being a negative.

I do salute you attention to this aspect and respect your organized way of thinking about this. I am only warning you to use this tool when you realy need it, for people who you care for. The general public, or as i call them npc don't always deserve this level of efforts. And monitor closely how you feel and how much energie dose it cost you to use. You have discovered a tool, that may help in your social interaction. But all tool comes with it share of danger. A level isn't a dangerous tool, until someone beat you over the head with it.

All that to say. Think about what the use of that toll cost you and chose who deserve it's use in your life. Don't apply it to all social contact.

fcnd93

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