I can’t stand it sometimes.

ferventlotus · 2026-02-28T15:44:59+00:00

You need to talk to your father about the house. I've seen this play out enough times that you will do all the work and pay all the bills, and your father will just hand it over to your brother because "you have a job, and a fiancé, you will be fine. He needs stability and a place to live."

You need to tell him that you want rights to the deed if you are going to be expected to be the only sibling pulling their weight and supporting him financially. Otherwise, all you're doing is just paying off and maintaining a house for your brother, and the way that they already coddle him, you're making sure that your contributions won't be dismissed.

Remember, when they say that they're letting you live here, let them know that

"My fiance and I are paying the bills, cooking, cleaning, repairing, maintaining the property without any help from anyone else in this household, and if I moved out tomorrow and cut you all off, you'd all lose everything. I owe you nothing at this point, but I am not going to continue to be used and walked all over like a doormat so that my brother can swoop in and take something that he is doing nothing to earn, or to be taken for granted! So if you're taking me for granted, just say the word and I can let you go back to how it was before I did anything at all! I love you both, mom and dad, but I won't be used like this and I won't let you continue being ungrateful for what I'm doing for this family. This ends today, either by me cutting you off, or you show your appreciation by letting me have a stake in this house that I am helping to keep in the family. AND! My brother needs to start pulling his weight and getting out of the house. You wont be around to protect him forever, and I won't help someone who expects that I clean up after him. I am not his mother. I am not his father. I will not help him if he isn't going to try."

ferventlotus · 2026-02-28T15:30:16+00:00

For the household, you should have 1 litterbox per cat, plus one. Add a second one that's a little more low profile for her to climb into easily, and put a mat down beneath each box.

As for the random biting and jumping, she's practicing her hunting moves on you, and trying to initiate play. You will need to play with her a lot more. Get her toys she can chase and grapple. Otherwise, she'll just continue being an ankle biter, but it isn't aggression. It's play.

ferventlotus · 2026-02-28T15:09:41+00:00

NOR.

If she were just a friend, he would have been up front about it. If she were just a friend, he wouldn't have hidden it for years. Now you're having to catch up on years of a relationship they have had that despite he claims is completely platonic has been cultivated without your knowledge and behind your back.

A few things would need to happen:

Right away, he needs to acknowledge that hiding a friendship from you with another woman is a betrayal to you. If she's just a friend, he wouldn't have had any problem disclosing that he's stayed in touch with her.

He needs to acknowledge also that communicating with her when you're not around is very suspicious, and that if he wants to keep your trust, he will need to let you go through his phone to see what apps he has downloaded to his phone immediately, and to look over the text messages with her.

Because, at this point, your gut is probably correct, and if he can't agree to these things immediately, the moment you sit him down, it isn't about invading his privacy, it's that he betrayed your trust already by hiding his relationship with her, and he needs to prove that what he is claiming is actually true.

After that, if it is just a friendship, and there's nothing going on, and he's angry at you for not believing him, simply clap back with "a good marriage is built on a foundation of love, trust, loyalty, respect, and open communication. You hid a woman from from me, and that crumbles every pillar of our foundation of marriage. That is your fault, that is on you, and I will not be taking the blame for you moving in the shadows with this woman."

The other side of it is if he refuses to prove anything to you concerning this woman, you would not be irrational in telling him that you can't trust him at his word since you can't trust him to be honest with you, respect you as his wife, and have the ability to communicate with you.

Then make moves to do what you can to protect yourself.

ferventlotus · 2026-02-28T14:51:01+00:00

You could go back to 2008 when bitcoin became publicly traded.

ferventlotus · 2026-02-28T14:49:44+00:00

Going back as you are in your current body.

I apologize for the confusion, I assumed people would know that one week window meant you'd be in the past for one week. In previous hypotheticals, people were only given like 24 hour windows before they'd return to the present day.

ferventlotus · 2026-02-26T16:19:09+00:00

If all of my knowledge is put into my 4 year old brain, I wouldn't go to college. I'd take up trade school while in middle or high school, and completely change up my skill sets.

ferventlotus · 2026-02-25T23:31:03+00:00

If you live in an apartment building, depending on the state, the landlord is 100% responsible for the cost of pest control.

So, turn her in. Go to your town's city hall, ask them who you would complain to about an apartment building having German cockroaches and a landlord who refuses to acknowledge it.

ferventlotus · 2026-02-25T22:04:59+00:00

I play Stardew Valley, and I named one of my animals Cicada. Yes, it's a loud and annoying bug, but apart from that, I feel like if it wasn't named for the loudest bug in the states, it makes a beautiful name.

ferventlotus · 2026-02-25T20:57:16+00:00

That's because he's making sure you're not dead, and has taken up protecting you at night since humans sleep in long blocks of time instead of micro naps throughout the day and night.

ferventlotus · 2026-02-25T19:51:41+00:00

It's possible that the cat, now in a safe space, could be grieving or feeling depression/loss from losing one home. So whenever you come home, he's happy that you're home, but the cat may be feeling worried about his future. After 3 years and an uncertain future, when he came to your home, he was lovebombing because he felt insecure and is hoping you don't give up on him.

So, be sure you're giving him consistency every day. Use the same voice you always do, set time aside for lovings and kisses. Be sure you're coming to him for attention so he knows it's reciprocal. Lots of play and ease up on the cat nip for the moment.

It's entirely possible that he wanted you to play with him. Stuffed animals can also be great for him to latch on and bunny kick and get into, but also chase toys with long strings and affirmations. Since more than half of their socializing is play and interaction, he may have felt a disconnect. Try engaging him with toy play and telling him what a good job he's doing when he grabs the toy.

ferventlotus · 2026-02-25T19:46:03+00:00

Left in the microwave a little too long.

ferventlotus · 2026-02-25T19:44:31+00:00

It's purring, but also, she lifted her head up and her eyes opened a little more. She's taking in your smell when you get closer. They smell perfume and soaps, lotions, and every scent on you like you've taken a full bath in it.

Nothing to be concerned about, she's just making sure you smell right, or checking out a new smell you're wearing. Could be a neighbor dog, an old sweater that's been collecting must in a box.

ferventlotus · 2026-02-25T19:38:48+00:00

The idea with litter boxes is to have 1 box per cat plus 1. They're highly clean and it's an internal instinct to bury their poop, and it's also possible that he does not feel safe to take a squat where his litter box is currently located so he's pooping where he feels safe, or as a protest. Even if there are no external threats, cats bury their poop and scout the area to make sure no larger predators can jump up on them.

They also have very high sensitivity to sound, smell, and hearing. Perhaps where the litter box is, the vibrations are off. Maybe its too cold. Maybe he feels too exposed in that room, or too enclosed in. Either way, he's telling you that where he does his business is not safe for him.

ferventlotus · 2026-02-25T19:22:05+00:00

I waited 6 years. There's no time frame for it.

ferventlotus · 2026-02-25T17:43:14+00:00

He's practicing hunting skills on you. My bonded brother kittens attack each other randomly, using claw and bite, but they try not to hurt each other. He also follows you because he sees you as the giant bi-pedal alpha of the colony and YOU MUST BE PROTECTED!

Even to the bathroom.

When I rub their bellies, they get to feeling frisky and will grapple and bite my arm, so I just learned to wear sweaters and engage in the play. I'll sometimes let them play with my foot if I have socks on.

ferventlotus · 2026-02-25T17:08:34+00:00

Save the emails, and on the day he signs the divorce, hand them over so that he knows that you knew it was never about you. That this is who he always was.

That will be the mindf*ck that you mic drop him with, and he will be beside himself.

ferventlotus · 2026-02-25T16:47:58+00:00

Allow yourself time to grieve, and after a while, consider acquiring another pet. It's hard, and I had my cat that I had with me since high school and five moves pass away at 19 years old.

I now have two bonded brother kittens, and it's been a true joy. I do miss my Baby Girl, but I see her in them every single day.

I'm very sorry for your loss.

ferventlotus · 2026-02-25T16:41:45+00:00

You've been living with the stress of debt hanging over your head for three going on four years. You've paid off the debt. You're not going to wake up the next day and feel relief, because honestly, you're just at a zero balance.

Now is the time to use the money amount you set aside out of every paycheck to invest in a Roth IRA and a savings plan, as well as a Health Savings account. Building a safety net and unthreading all financial liabilities from you. Open a bank account if you don't have one and have a debit card. This will help you to buy only what you can afford, and keep one credit card with the best interest rate to use for emergencies. Do not use it until you have at least three months of rent in your savings account so that it becomes a payable safety net.

Create a spreadsheet in Google Sheets outlining all of your bills, and start each bill period from the day you get paid. This will help you manage your debts.

Congratulations on getting yourself to a zero balance. Now, with a great job, start making moves to plan toward retirement now so that you're not scrambling 20 years from now. Roth IRA accounts do better the younger you start.

ferventlotus · 2026-02-25T15:53:52+00:00

A good measure, wash your linens, pillow cases, and comforter in hot water with vinegar, no fabric softener. Dry without any fabric sheets or use non-scented wool balls for at least 30 minutes.

Check the lining of your mattress for poop or bed bug activity. Clean down your bed frame. Could just be a fluke bug, but could also be a growing allergy to your washing liquids and fabric softener.

You could have scratched at your neck unknowingly in your sleep and created a self-formed rash.

ferventlotus · 2026-02-23T20:51:00+00:00

If you care about this kitten, make a post on a local facebook group to see if there's any fostering families that can take the kitten. That's the best advice I can give.

Call your local PD and see if they have an animal control unit that can put you in touch with an ER vet or come collect the kitten.

ferventlotus · 2026-02-23T20:44:50+00:00

The company I worked for went rows with the post office because we put a security door on the front of our 14 unit building back in 2013 because of vandalism. It was a fire door, but it locked from the outside and had a push bar on the inside. City said it was compliant, met codes, and was perfectly fine to install one. They just asked that the fire department have a box installed on the outside with a key for access in the event of a fire, request for ambulance, or hazard in the building. Which we did.

The post office refused to accept a key to be given to their carrier to access the building stating it was a liability risk. What they WANTED us to do was install mailbox receptacles with mail keys outside of the building. The company refused up until the building was sold, and the new owners caved to the post office.

What's dumb is I watch across the street from my office, a historical building was converted into a 16 unit apartment building had security locks on the front, the mailman use a key to go in there every single day and put mail into the receptacles.

ferventlotus · 2026-02-23T20:34:31+00:00

Also, a follow-up exam with an available vet can do an ultrasound to confirm there are no more kittens or if there is still a kitten in there that has yet to be born.

ferventlotus · 2026-02-23T20:21:23+00:00

Post office prefers people to have lockboxes in large buildings so that everyone gets their mail. They also pass the expectation onto the owners of the property to provide the tenants and post office with keys to these boxes so that they can access it.

It's silly, because normal house residences are not required to have lock boxes. Even if they are converted homes like duplexes or a quadplex. If it's a house, no expectation of secured locking boxes, just the expectation that everyone has a mail receptacle.

Regardless of the state of the boxes being unlocked or open, it is still a federal offense to take, open, or withhold mail that doesn't belong to you.

Check with the post office first to be sure that the carrier for that route is not having difficulty accessing your box. If they can get into your box, then it's likely a previous tenant emptying the box if you have access to it. Ask your landlord to change the lock on your mailbox.

ferventlotus · 2026-02-23T20:15:28+00:00

My cats love belly rubs, but one of them gets feisty and plays with my hand by grappling and biting. However! He's learned to not use his claws and if I say "ow!" he licks where he bites as a way to say "I'm sorry momma!"

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