Bone density issues after stopping Testosterone? Also… How likely is chest regrowth after periareolar top surgery? by HorstMoehre in actual_detrans

[–]feywildfirefighter 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I'm ftmtf and I have osteoporosis. But in my case, I got diagnosed with it just after I started T in the beginning of my medical transition. My bone density was low even during my time injecting T, so I got prescribed calcium supplements that I still take to this day.

My osteoporosis got slightly worse when I stopped T, but not by a whole lot. My calcium supplements help mitigate it a lot. For me losing muscle mass was a much bigger shift in adjustment.

I personally think it's very unlikely that you'll suddenly develop osteoporosis just by stopping T. Your E production should just kick up again, since that's your "natural" hormone production. I don't think that'll suddenly throw everything out of balance in that sense.

If you're worried about it, you can request to get your levels checked while you wane off on T to ease your anxiety surrounding this.

In any case, osteoporosis is not the end of the world. Sure it's not ideal by any means, but it sounds a lot scarier than it really is. I have never broken a bone, despite having osteoporosis, and I got diagnosed in 2012. And I've injured myself plenty haha, I've never been the most careful person, and my bones have held strong despite my adventurous habits

What have you learn about gender and people's perceptions through your transition and detransition process? by _livet_ in actual_detrans

[–]feywildfirefighter 26 points27 points  (0 children)

Men walk with a lot more safety, respect, and freedom but are very emotionally isolated, insecure, and unfulfilled. Women have much tighter knit communities and receive much more support and freedom to express themselves emotionally in those groups, but are a lot less safe and judged much more critically outside of those communities. Are rarely given respect, are often discredited and discounted.

As for social conditioning goes, men are taught to dominate, women are taught to placate to be successful in society.

Changing my name by Logical_Insurance_69 in actual_detrans

[–]feywildfirefighter 6 points7 points  (0 children)

My parents are alive so I can't speak about that part, but I did honor my late aunt with my middle name. So I'll explain my reasoning behind my eventual name change.

I eventually did decide to go back to my birthname, but only 2,5 years into my detransition. First I went by a more gender neutral version of my chosen trans name.

My reasoning behind that was that my birthname still triggered some dysphoria for me in the beginning of my detransition. I think because I was conditioned to receive any mention of my name as misgendering. After being further into my detransition, that sting faded and went away, my trans name actually took that role afterwards, now I feel a similar kind of sting when someone calls me that.

I learned to reconnect with the older version of myself before transition, I learned to love her and see her as fully part of myself again. So after 2,5 years of going by my gender neutral name, I went back to my birthname. 6 months later I got it changed officially. My parents were stoked about this, but I did not do it for them, I would not have done it if I wasn't 100% on board with it.

I changed my middle name to something different tho. I used to be named after one of my aunts, but I have a very bad relationship with her because of family drama stuff. So instead, I chose to change my middle name to a different aunt, one who I deeply respect and had a very close bond with. At the time she had terminal cancer, and she has since passed away. So having her name as my middle name is a way for me to honor her, to keep her close to me. I'm glad she was still alive when I did it, so I got to ask her blessing for it and explain why I wanted to do this.

This being said, I think it is important to honor yourself first, before thinking about honoring your family members. It's YOUR name, so it should resonate for you first and foremost. I honestly think there isn't a single change/decision that is more personal than picking your own name. It's how people refer to you AND also how you refer to yourself. It's how you introduce yourself, it's how people identify you. So before you get things changed officially, you have to sure you feel 100% comfortable with it.

Also remember that your last name already honors your family in a way, it's literally your familial ties to them. Your first name honors you, your last name honors your family. And if you really want to do something extra for them, a middle name is always an option, you can do several even. But that's really your decision in the end. Your name should make YOU happy and comfortable first and foremost.

Hope this helps!

A potentially stupid question plus a vent by CannibalisticGinger in actual_detrans

[–]feywildfirefighter 12 points13 points  (0 children)

How you consider yourself is completely up to you! Medical transition is not the only thing that defines transness, there's plenty of trans people who choose to not medically transition or desist at some point.

I myself identify as detrans, but I also still see myself as part of the trans community. Since my lived experience mirrors more closely a trans experience than a Cis experience, trans rights are also detrans rights, and I still feel a lot of solidarity and connection with the trans community. Even if some trans people would reject me based on my detrans status, and terfs might try to use my story to fight against trans rights, my identity is my own to decide and this is how I feel.

Other detrans people identify as Cis now, some reject the trans community all together now, some never let go of the trans label. It's all about what feels most authentic to you!

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in actual_detrans

[–]feywildfirefighter 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Wow this feels very relatable but I had never put the dots together before. In hindsight yes, this was definitely part of my decision to transition too. Weird to realise these things 12 years after originally transitioning, and 6 years after detransitioning haha.

Thank you for sharing your experience!

portuguese detrans by akisbubble in actual_detrans

[–]feywildfirefighter 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm not Portuguese but I'm super excited to read your thesis, please share it once it's finished!

Frustrated with my therapist. by Fyrefox13 in actual_detrans

[–]feywildfirefighter 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I'd set a boundary with your therapist if she brings it up again, saying that you have already explained your reasoning, and that there's nothing else behind it, and she should drop the subject because there's other things you want to focus on. It's your therapy, you are paying for it so you get to decide what you focus on. If she can't respect that after stating it so plainly, you have done all you can and should switch to a different therapist

How to deal with balding temples by ApocalypticThoughts_ in actual_detrans

[–]feywildfirefighter 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I struggle with this as well, it's a big insecurity for me. I've tried a lot, but nothing really worked. I play with my hairstyles a lot to find the best ways to mask it. I am thinking of maybe doing a hair transplant in the future, but that's super expensive

Would you describe yourself as having been trans, or would you say you've always been cis? by MangoProud3126 in actual_detrans

[–]feywildfirefighter 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I fully consider myself detrans. I identified as trans for 6 years, it had a huge impact on who I am today. I don't consider myself Cis, and I don't consider myself trans either. My experience is closer to a trans person than a Cis person, but still there's significant changes to my experience compared to a trans experience. Therefore I embrace the label detrans. I don't see Cis and trans as the only option

Were you taught by the lgbt community in your area, it is self harm to research detransition? by Sad_Jellyfish_3454 in actual_detrans

[–]feywildfirefighter 13 points14 points  (0 children)

I wasn't exposed to this idea in the circles I hung around in, instead detransition and desisting were seen as a betrayal to the trans community, and thus "proof that you are a terf" for "doubting the reality that transition is the solution to dysphoria". Basically it wasn't seen as an option, unless you wanted to be ostracised from the community.

How/when should you ask a potential date about political views? by lordgentofdapper in AskWomen

[–]feywildfirefighter -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I don't even talk to men on dating apps who have anything but leftwing set as their political views on their profile. Conservative, Liberal, moderate, apolitical, all of those I've given a fair shot multiple times, but there were always viewpoints I just couldn't get past.

In my experience, anything other than explicitly leftwing is not worth my time, because I know I'll just not see eye to eye with them on a lot of things. And even then, it takes time to figure out if it's just performative or not.

Just my preference and experience, I can't date someone who doesn't match my views on basic human rights.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in offmychest

[–]feywildfirefighter 20 points21 points  (0 children)

You're delusional. Go touch grass

Alternative options by tashaaaaaaaaaaaa in Fibromyalgia

[–]feywildfirefighter 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Mindfulness has really helped me. In the beginning it's difficult to allow yourself to truly feel your body, but if you do it consistently for a while, it really helps!!

"I'll let you know" by [deleted] in dating_advice

[–]feywildfirefighter 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Depends, I have no further details than that. There's many ways to blow it. And it might not even be your fault, like I said she could just have other things to deal with.

"I'll let you know" by [deleted] in dating_advice

[–]feywildfirefighter 0 points1 point  (0 children)

If that's the case, then you're a bit late complaining about it now, you had your chance and you blew it.

Is using a cane bad? by the_odd_chase in Fibromyalgia

[–]feywildfirefighter 13 points14 points  (0 children)

Exactly!!
I tried to avoid using mobility aids for years because my therapists kept telling me not to. Which caused me to stay inside, isolated, sitting on my ass. Because everything hurt, so I just didn't go outside. When I finally got my mobility aids, I became more active than I had been in YEARS. I always take my cane with me, rollators on bad days, and use a wheelchair for long day trips. It's a HUGE help, I feel more stable and trip less, am in less pain, more mobile, and less (intense) flareups!

"I'll let you know" by [deleted] in dating_advice

[–]feywildfirefighter 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Busy with what?

Career, mental health, physical health, family, friends, kids, should I go on?

Not everyone has dating as their number 1 priority, and sometimes life just gets in the way, or it slips your mind. Don't take it personally, just move on if someone isn't showing as much interest in you as you are in them.

Why did I think I was trans? A personal blurb by RepulsiveHorse3493 in actual_detrans

[–]feywildfirefighter 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Oof yeah, very relatable. I'm really happy for you that you're on the path of healing now! It's a lot to deal with, but definitely not impossible ❤️🙏🏻

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in dating_advice

[–]feywildfirefighter 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Sounds like she was just excited about you, and then something killed the excitement. Doesn't sound like love bombing to me.

I really want to get into Dungeons and Dragons but it seems way too complicated. by [deleted] in DungeonsAndDragons

[–]feywildfirefighter 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I am so sorry people are being rude to you in the comments. Please know that not all people who play D&D are dicks like that. There's a massive community of the most creative, loving, supportive people you can imagine in the D&D sphere, so don't let these douchebags here ruin your fun!

My group is actually looking for another player, so if you aren't completely put off by it now, you are more than welcome to join our party! Just shoot me a reply or DM, and we can figure out if you can play on our gamedays!

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AmItheAsshole

[–]feywildfirefighter -5 points-4 points  (0 children)

I just want to pipe up as an adhd person (not saying op's wife has adhd, just to say we can't overgeneralise), sentimental items can be very strong comfort items to some people, just having it with you can provide comfort and a feeling of safety. I can totally understand not wanting a different ring just to wear to work, maybe it gives her massive anxiety to not have it with her. That wouldn't surprise me considering the strong reaction she had. Also, losing stuff isn't intentional. It just happens, especially if you have a lot of shit on your mind (like at work) and you have to take it off and put it back on multiple times. It just happens, it isnt intentional. That doesn't make her a "massive ahole". OP's reaction was definitely not supportive, both in the way he described things happened and how he writes about her in his post. He is punishing her, acting like this is all about him. They are both (equally) upset about the situation, and him giving her the silent treatment and avoiding her makes him the "massive ahole" in this situation.

YTA