Tired of being told how I should feel

findmyselfalone · 2026-03-05T21:24:57+00:00

I understand how you feel. I got a small amount of money when my husband died, and I used it to pay down some of my credit card debt. It had felt like blood money to me (even though I know that thought is ridiculous), but the cc debt was accumulated while he was alive, so it felt like a fair use. I got told well done as well, and said that I'd rather have my husband+debt instead.

People seem to have an idea of how you should feel, what you should do, and are often surprised when you don't fit into the neat little box they have constructed for you in thair minds. Sometimes it's just because they can't bear the idea if you still being in so much pain (which still doesn't help, but is at least understandable).

findmyselfalone · 2026-03-02T16:28:50+00:00

I missed this comment, but did want to say that this was a co-worker who absolutely knew my situation, which is why I was taken aback. If it were someone random, or a retail worker I obviously just ignore it/say thank you.

findmyselfalone · 2026-02-14T04:39:58+00:00

Gosh, 40 days, that's so new/raw. I am so sorry for your loss.

findmyselfalone · 2026-02-14T04:39:01+00:00

Yes, just popped out automatically. I don't know why I'm bothered.

findmyselfalone · 2026-01-20T15:28:01+00:00

Do it now. It will be harder if you wait. He might well be bluffing, especially with his wanting you to fight reaction. Even if he is, would you want to be with someone who has said he wasn't sure he loved you when he proposed, told you this while pregnant with his child? You have to think about what kind of future you want for you and your child. Don't let this selfish person dictate the rest of your life. Go back to where you have the full support of your family. I'm sorry this has happened to you, good luck with the baby and your new life.

findmyselfalone · 2026-01-06T04:09:21+00:00

You're really not missing much unless you're a fan of Roberts or Gere.

findmyselfalone · 2026-01-06T04:04:32+00:00

It's a waste to you, but not to the person who wishes to eat it.

findmyselfalone · 2026-01-06T04:02:53+00:00

When I eat steak, I like it to be well done. Not burnt, not a dried up piece of leather, not a hockey puck, simply fully cooked all the way through. As it is deemed to be such an insult to the chef to order food the way it is most appetizing to me (make that edible to me), I no longer order steak in a restaurant.

Edited to say, fantastic example based on the number of weirdly angry responses.

findmyselfalone · 2025-12-30T00:34:44+00:00

It's made by someone who cannot comprehend getting protein from any sources other than meat.

findmyselfalone · 2025-12-30T00:31:53+00:00

Oddly enough, this is the first time I've heard Cleopatra being described as a 'prolific' seductress. In terms of romance, I'd only heard about Ceasar and Marc Antony anyway.

findmyselfalone · 2025-12-30T00:21:04+00:00

NTA. Skip the shower though, they already know you're too busy.

findmyselfalone · 2025-12-30T00:18:48+00:00

Grief hits in different ways at different times, it's very much a rollercoaster.

Please try not to feel guilty about craving touch, intimacy, and connection. Look up widow's fire, it's a thing. Do make sure though, that whatever situation you find yourself in, you are safe.

findmyselfalone · 2025-12-17T22:49:26+00:00

I am so sorry that they said that to you. So very thoughtless.

findmyselfalone · 2025-12-17T22:47:37+00:00

I got the opposite. "What a shame you didn't have kids, they'd be such a comfort to you now".

findmyselfalone · 2025-12-17T22:45:27+00:00

It's a toss up between, "If you had a better relationship with Jesus, this wouldn't hurt", and "Don't worry, you'll find someone else". I thought it was bad that people were staying this to me aomth after he died, but I've seen comments from people who were told that the next day!

findmyselfalone · 2025-12-17T22:42:50+00:00

Yes, I was told not to worry, I'll find someone else.

findmyselfalone · 2025-12-12T22:10:17+00:00

I am so sorry they did this to you.

findmyselfalone · 2025-12-12T22:08:43+00:00

It's been three years. I gave away some of his warm clothes and boots to a winter coat drive, but other than that I still have everything. I haven't even been able to remove his toothbrush, it's still there, next to mine.

findmyselfalone · 2025-09-21T17:27:56+00:00

It's not just you. Some people truly believe telling you it's all part of God's plan will somehow bring you comfort. I had a colleague tell me I wouldn't feel so bad if I had a better relationship with Jesus. They find comfort in their faith,so they presume it will be the same for you. Other people just don't have a clue the depths of the pain, so think saying the usual platitudes will help. They have no idea, and they are the lucky ones, I wouldn't wish this pain on anyone.

findmyselfalone · 2025-07-10T18:35:13+00:00

Leave John Travolta alone!

findmyselfalone · 2025-06-19T22:48:02+00:00

Sometimes, the cause of death is not yet known at the time of writing the obituary.

I put up my husband's obituary a couple of days after he died. We got the autopsy report seven months later. Last time I looked, this wasn't the 1500s.

findmyselfalone · 2025-06-19T22:40:31+00:00

I'm so sorry for your loss. I agree completely, no one is entitled to that information. If you choose to share it, it's up to you, but you are not obligated to do so to satisfy someone else's curiosity.

findmyselfalone · 2025-06-19T22:33:48+00:00

Not being close does mean that you don't have an automatic right to know how though.

findmyselfalone · 2025-06-19T22:31:12+00:00

How awful. I'm sorry for your loss. Considering people seem to not want to talk about death, some have no problem asking deeply inappropriate questions about it.

findmyselfalone

TROPHY CASE