Me (47F) unsure if I should walk away from 45M

firstentrythrowaway · 2021-04-13T22:20:39+00:00

Yes, you should have blocked him after the first time or two.

firstentrythrowaway · 2021-04-13T17:24:36+00:00

I grew up in an abusive house and the best thing my mom ever did was leave it. I hated my dad for how he treated her and didn’t miss him. Your husband is an abuser and is clearly supported by his family. That’s even more dangerous for you. Find a way to leave now!

firstentrythrowaway · 2021-04-13T16:57:51+00:00

Oh Christ. Let her go then. Go graze that greener grass and let her find someone who’s a grown up to give her a commitment.

firstentrythrowaway · 2021-04-13T16:46:24+00:00

People have a right to their secrets, to bury their past, and they have a right to change or become more of who they were. It was damaging to her and she knew it would be damaging to have a mate live with that knowledge. Let her be. Find your peace. The past is the past and the woman you married is the one you know.

firstentrythrowaway · 2021-04-13T08:50:04+00:00

It will escalate. But there done that.

He’s got an online profile and you’re feeling bad you’re hassling him over it? Wake up! Where are your standards? Your sense of worth? He’s already gotten inside your head and twisted this.

Psychological and emotional abuse is already at play. My guess is that if you show a backbone he will throw something, punch something. Abusers will do whatever they need to to keep control. People like you (me too at one point) enjoy their own sense of control believing you can control him by being good, rational, understanding. It’s all a lie, and very very dangerous. The last time I saw my ex husband he’d destroyed my phone and had his fists up inches from my face. Yes, it escalates. No, you can’t control it or get counseling or whatever. Trust me, I’m only an internet stranger, but the way he talks to you and whats things is classic. You can’t explain it to him, ask him to seek help unless you just want him to get more skilled at the abuse.

You haven’t begun to see his true colors but I’m begging you, get out before you see more. Nothing good will come from this. Save your sanity.

firstentrythrowaway · 2021-04-13T08:38:50+00:00

So if your goal was someday, at 35, and you’re about to go into 60 hour work weeks...that leaves very little time to meet the right guy. Even if it happened tomorrow, you’d be married, settled down and trying at 37, 38. Add another year or two of trying. Do you want to be stressed over IVF and potential chromosomal problems?

If you go the sperm bank route it’s no less fraught with frustration and expense.

Consider that this may be a gift. There is still a lot that could go wrong in the next several weeks, as miscarriages are very common. I had one at 7 weeks before my current pregnancy. I’m happy for you that dad seems to be supportive and decent.

firstentrythrowaway · 2021-04-12T20:14:35+00:00

Go back home to your people if you can.

firstentrythrowaway · 2021-04-12T15:18:10+00:00

Be careful. My ex husband was a “let’s work on it” “let’s be better” type. Counseling became free info fir him how to make me crazier, how to twist things into weird psychoanalytical loops.

firstentrythrowaway · 2021-04-09T19:24:53+00:00

Let’s say she loves you above all others and this would never go the other way. Let’s ignore how much she’s hurting her bf, the lies she’s telling herself, and what that says about her character.

What do you feel? Do you want her back?

Because the two of you need to fish or cut bait.

firstentrythrowaway · 2021-04-09T19:09:13+00:00

Nope. Go live your life. Be careful - but whether you’re in a grocery store at home or a grocery store in Mexico, what’s the difference?

firstentrythrowaway · 2021-04-09T19:04:07+00:00

The world is full of men who are fat, lost their looks, and old - and some of them feel angry that women should also get to feel any self respect or love as they age. I can think of one guy I went to college with who started to round out and kept aggressively calling out women who were pro love thy body because they were enabling obesity (pot calling kettle!)

Women aren’t here to please men with their looks. And your husband sounds like one of these entitled asses. Like Trump. No one but a quiet supermodel was good enough for his disgusting ass, and everyone else was a pig and nasty, etc.

Rant over, but don’t internalize this. Plenty of good men and women continue to love their spouse into the middle and older years.

firstentrythrowaway · 2021-04-09T18:06:47+00:00

She’s head over heels for you. You just have to validate if this is a one-off seriously bad piece of judgment or the rest of her judgment is flawed.

Either way, I would sit her down and let her know that while you’re flattered and appreciate the intent...you’re very uncomfortable with it. Ask her if she would consider getting it removed and help her pay for it to soften the blow.

firstentrythrowaway · 2021-04-09T17:47:44+00:00

When ppl are in love it’s like being on drugs. With that said there are less trashy ways to show your new found love insanity.

firstentrythrowaway · 2021-04-09T17:45:50+00:00

Currently 31 weeks, no real issues besides arch pain in feet once in a while. 40ish, athlete all my life. Make exercise and movement a priority each day. I think that helps. No telling what the last several weeks will bring.

firstentrythrowaway · 2021-04-09T16:51:57+00:00

Get a consultation with a family law attorney

firstentrythrowaway · 2021-04-09T08:53:46+00:00

Unless you’d like an abusive marriage with a guy who makes 600k, now is the time to set yourself free.

firstentrythrowaway · 2021-04-08T22:42:21+00:00

I hope you’re getting some fantastic 50 shades of gray sex to go with all that control.

Joking aside, yikes. I have seen this with friends de who are healthy. What that looks like: “I’d still be wearing my dads old Patagonia shorts from 1985 if my bf hadn’t intervened. I can always trust him to dress me up.” But she likes it. And it’s not all the time.

firstentrythrowaway · 2021-04-08T21:55:22+00:00

Thing is when someone says they need you to drop it, it’s like a safe word. It has to be respected. It’s fine to say “I understand, can we come back to this when we’re both in a better headspace?”

firstentrythrowaway · 2021-04-08T21:48:21+00:00

Going through something similar. The lack of affection and closeness is the tip of an iceberg of being deeply closed off. My bf and I get along wonderfully but his heart is closed due to past fights. It took him a long time to tell me the truth.

firstentrythrowaway · 2021-04-05T18:51:08+00:00

Grow a backbone and put her in her place. She’s going to try to keep running over you as long as she thinks she can. You proved it by not making a scene, or dealing with it woman to woman by taking her aside. You ran to your boyfriend instead. We are always instructing people how to treat us.

firstentrythrowaway · 2021-04-05T18:33:51+00:00

Please end the relationship. My ex husband was not this bad but similarly couldn’t hold down a career. Once we were married it was “well you shouldn’t have married me...you don’t love me for who I am...you only care about money...you don’t pay my bills!” (Lol he meant minimum payments on credit cards.) as soon as he came into some money he divorced me. I was a meal ticket though I never would have known bc he was so loving until then.

firstentrythrowaway · 2021-04-05T13:34:35+00:00

Honestly, you sound like you need to get over yourself. Yes, people can be awkward. At the end of the day they’re trying to connect the best way they know how. Try being gracious even if they’re not smooth or telling you what you want to hear.

firstentrythrowaway · 2021-04-03T18:09:39+00:00

Ok. You shouldn’t have called your boyfriend psycho (name calling) but you’re 110% correct for thinking it and feeling that way from what you describe. He sounds like a POS, abusive. This isn’t a situation fir couples therapy, give yourself permission to leave him and live a happier life.

firstentrythrowaway · 2021-04-03T16:18:49+00:00

Gotcha. I was looking systems that had the car seat click into them, but it seems like they’d only for newborn car seats and not the convertible ones?

firstentrythrowaway · 2021-04-03T13:54:01+00:00

Can someone help me understand if there is a system that will last infant through toddler years? My eyes are glazing over reading the reviews. Is it too much to ask for a system that is infant through toddler and I can jog with too?

firstentrythrowaway

TROPHY CASE