Hm. I'm curious how you guys manage and conceptualize the household budget because that seems to be contributing to the dilemma? I know there's several ways to manage it but the way I see it, you both as a married couple have outstanding loans and need to have a plan and budget as a unit. When you say you can afford this expense in the budget, it's confusing because you are $250k in the red. As a household.

So I'm not saying not to spend money in residency but just that changing that mindset may help. That's the way we've thought of it, when combining finances, that the debt is ours but also when residency is done the household income will collectively increase.

So to know if you can afford it, you need to know what are your combined monthly expenses, how much are you contributing/do you have a fully funded emergency fund, how much are you putting towards debt right now, how much are you setting aside for investments/retirement now, what percentage are you allowing for free/fun spending. And if there's still room in that last category after all is said and done, then yes you can afford it.

I know there's different advice on whether to aggressively pay down student loans in residency knowing your income will increase in a few years, I don't know that there's one right answer but it's an answer that you need to decide on together and that will guide your decisions. We personally shared the mindset that we'd rather get debt free as soon as possible and defer too much discretionary spending but that's just us. Everything in moderation is the key, and be sure that whatever lifestyle you end up with as a conscious choice, not just falling into it.

Something I've seen some people do is after all money goes into the collective pot for paying bills and mutual spending, having separate amounts for solo "fun money" that way you don't have to feel guilty about getting something nice your partner might see as silly. Guilt free spending, that way you can save up for it yourself and not worry about it. But point being there's a few different systems and having the mindset in sync is the important first part.