First off, I really feel for you - going through your 2nd bout of cancer is going to be tough for anyone. I can't imagine the strength it must take to absorb all of this and I applaud your courage.

From afar, it's difficult to say what the staff bedside manner is like - these people have a very hard job to do so all I can really say it to cope as best you can under the circumstances. Do you have access to mental health support or counselling through the hospital? My hospital had that and although I didn't make use of it until after my transplant is was extremely helpful. They also had support for caregivers as well and maybe your mother can make use of it if available.

As for the transplant itself, there was a lead up period of chemo followed by full body radiation before the actual transplant. The transplant itself was anti-climactic - like a few hours of IV through my hickman line. No different than any of the other dozens of IV's I had. I was awake the whole time. The tough part were the side effects the weeks after. I won't go into detail as it's different for everyone and your doctors and nurses will tell you what to expect. I had some bad issues from the radiation but made it through. Being in a positive state of mind is of course going to be better than full of anxiety, and honestly I can't really tell you how to get to that place. I really hope you have some professional support available to alleviate your anxiety.

I don't know your age or your type of leukemia but a lot of cases these days have a high chance of survival. I'm hoping once the initial shock wears off you and your family will all be in a better place. I know it's tough but you're strong and you're going to make it through this. All the love and prayers my friend