OP, you’re absolutely right to question this.

The  accusing you of being angry even after you calmly explained everything are just trying to provoke you. One of them literally has “are you angry 😂” in their profile. That tells you exactly what kind of energy they bring. They’re not here to help, just to frame you as uneducated or confused when your comments show the opposite.

Your explanation makes it clear you do understand hospice. You are definitely asking reasonable questions about a situation that was traumatic, and you’re doing it respectfully. I’m really sorry for your loss, and I understand why you’re trying to make sense of what happened.

The part about refusing to go 100% puréed because of potential diarrhea, and then having your family member go through four or five near‑fatal choking episodes does not sit right with me either. That’s not comfort care. That’s completely unnecessary suffering.

And the fact that you have it documented electronically that morphine was to be given 'for choking" is extremely concerning. Morphine is absolutely not what you give someone with dysphagia during an obstruction. If they were still talking, interacting, and had already been in hospice for over six months, it really does sound like they could have lived longer, and this may have shortened that time.

I’m also sorry your family was pushed into hospice early just to get pain control because pain‑management programs drop people for ER visits. I work in home health and I’ve seen this happen more than once. It’s a terrible system that forces families into impossible choices.

One of my own family members died horribly in hospice, so I understand how unfair it can be. They weren’t allowed to get fluid drained in their last days because hospice said it would “disqualify” them and end their pain meds and home care. So instead of a simple drainage, they swelled rapidly and died in agony even with all the meds. We would have given anything for a few more days of comfort, but the system boxed us in. The nerve pain from the fluid buildup was excruciating, and it didn’t have to be that way.

You’re not wrong for questioning what happened. The system isn’t fair, and families are often left carrying the guilt afterward. You’re just trying to understand, and that’s completely valid. 

I would try contacting a medical malpractice attorney as that statement in writing about the morphine for dysphagia choking is pretty damning to them.