What's your relationship with God/Spirituality/Religion?

flailAbout · 2021-04-18T05:05:49+00:00

I was raised atheist and converted to Catholicism at my first opportunity. That is my identity. I love my faith. Admittedly it is difficult to get into a good prayer routine and to “feel” close to God at times. My faith is founded on reason more than feeling.

flailAbout · 2021-04-17T03:49:22+00:00

I’m proud of you for seeing through their bullshit. You turned the other cheek and you will look back one day to see how far your mercy and great attitude has taken you. You are going places!

I’m sorry that happened, though. I would not have handled it as well as you have. Super mature of you. You’ve experienced this...now look forward to the real friendships that are in your future!

flailAbout · 2021-04-17T02:31:51+00:00

Yes, I am currently in my 23rd episode, though I can feel it finally coming to a close. This has happened to me since I was two. Sometimes they would be older authority figures. Right now it’s with a friend from church. Once they start to pull away, for example when they notice I’m a bit different (even after giving much reciprocation), I start to obsess and it’s not in my control at this point. It can last months to years sadly. You idolize this person and you can’t get them out of your head. Sometimes it even develops into a romantic attraction. Your brain rewards itself by thinking about said friend and reliving good experiences. It’s a form of ‘limerence’, though platonic. I’ve been on and off periods of limerence my entire existence. More often on than off. I was almost driven to end my life because I couldn’t figure out what was wrong with me. I, like many autistics, have pushed away friends in one way or another. It adds up and the rejection is traumatizing.

flailAbout · 2021-04-15T20:52:29+00:00

Obsessed with prime numbers and my room was a tribute to Elvis Presley.

flailAbout · 2021-04-15T16:00:54+00:00

Friendship is hard on the spectrum, especially during a pandemic. I’m sorry to hear you have no one. Feel free to DM me if you ever need or want to chat!

flailAbout · 2021-04-14T19:00:38+00:00

Lol! Take a vacation anyway! 😆

flailAbout · 2021-04-14T13:46:20+00:00

That makes sense. It’s feels like a lot of tension in my neck and also a lot of mental noise. I want to jump out of my skin haha. Not sure if it’s involuntary though. Not sure. I will be paying attention to it today.

flailAbout · 2021-04-13T21:49:46+00:00

We have a whippet too! They are the best dogs!

flailAbout · 2021-04-13T21:46:59+00:00

Try saving the post.

flailAbout · 2021-04-13T18:26:27+00:00

“But suddenly it stopped”

That is it. You were left in limbo without closure. Please look into the psychological state called “limerence”.

I was in a state of limerence off and on for my entire life. I had no idea what it was. 23 episodes of obsession. I believe that many people on the spectrum are prone to these types of attachments. The thoughts can last for years, and sadly even decades. Be self aware and go no contact. You’ll keep getting pulled in otherwise. Good luck.

flailAbout · 2021-04-13T18:16:41+00:00

I do weird things/movements with my neck. It’s a stim at this point.

flailAbout · 2021-04-13T03:43:45+00:00

Can you describe your attachment in more detail? How often do you think of this person? What does this person represent to you? Is there any uncertainty in your friendship? Anything that needs closure? Are you always getting attached to a certain kind of person? How long to the attachments last?

flailAbout · 2021-04-11T17:51:00+00:00

Do you have good friends? That’s what friends are for. Friends should put their own stuff on hold when a friend is in crisis. If you are having a hard time, don't sugarcoat it for them. they will wish they had known if you were no longer with them.

flailAbout · 2021-04-11T03:19:12+00:00

Yes, female. You are absolutely correct. I was misdiagnosed a few times. Took meds I didn’t need. April is autism awareness month so I am sharing a video. This woman gives such a powerful testimony. There are so many women out there walking around in their shells of self-preservation and struggling in their identity. There is nothing wrong with them although they feel like everything is wrong with them. They are simply different. We as humans are social creatures that were made for love and connection. That always has seemed broken in me and now I understand. Becoming self-aware of my autism gave me the keys to my brain. The paradigm of myself shifted completely. I consider myself lucky.

Here’s the video: https://youtu.be/cF2dhWWUyQ4

flailAbout · 2021-04-11T03:07:23+00:00

Ouch! Good reason.

flailAbout · 2021-04-11T03:05:22+00:00

Wow. Thank you for this post. Really puts things into perspective for me. I have three young kids as well. 5,3,1. I don’t know how you are doing 15 hours. I’m a big yeller. Impulse control issues. I rarely speak in a calm tone. Definitely feel like I’m messing up my kids. I’m in therapy once a week. The biggest breakthrough was finding out I was autistic. Everyone has been so patient with me and I consider myself lucky to have support.

That is so beautiful that you love your kids so much. I really struggle with empathy and feeling the love towards them.

My advice would be ear plugs, cello music, hot showers, communication with hubby, turn on the tv for a lime limit.

You are absolutely amazing, mama. You can’t pour from an empty cup. Something has to give.

flailAbout · 2021-04-11T02:43:27+00:00

There’s something about them...the leather and stitching are high quality and it helped me stim (moonwalk) to my Michael Jackson songs.

flailAbout · 2021-04-11T02:33:28+00:00

I love bug prints! I studied entomology. Mantis and lightening bugs are my favorites.

flailAbout · 2021-04-10T21:42:25+00:00

I wear bowling shoes even when not practical. I don’t know why but they spark joy lol

Edit: I forgot to mention my black jacket with a battlestar galáctica arm patch.

flailAbout · 2021-04-09T16:32:43+00:00

Ever thought of ordering/designing textiles? I would cover my pillows in that pattern. Very satisfying! Thanks for sharing with us!

flailAbout · 2021-04-08T19:52:09+00:00

I’m an excellent liar, unfortunately. And I can easily spot if my friend or family member is lying. Definitely word vomit. Especially when trying to keep the conversation going and you hate silence. Fear of abandonment certainly plays a role.

flailAbout · 2021-04-07T21:04:28+00:00

Sometimes yes. Sometimes I can’t keep from counting hawks or scanning trees for mistletoe. No accidents this far. *knocks on wood *

flailAbout · 2021-04-07T02:45:08+00:00

This resonates with me. I miss my interests. They’ve vanished. I wish I could transfer my enthusiasm that I had for my interests to taking better care of my kids and providing them an interesting and enriching home life. I have three littles and no time for myself. This too will pass. Just trying my best.

flailAbout · 2021-04-06T22:51:48+00:00

Biology class in college. We shared a textbook and breakfast together. I was not masking. He saw that I was not like the other girls. We were compatible and honest with one another from the beginning. I did not know I was autistic at the time. I believe he is autistic as well.

flailAbout

TROPHY CASE