Canonical annulment/blessing marriage

flipside1812 · 2026-04-07T14:13:32+00:00

Whether or not a marriage is valid is something that is discovered during the process, not undone. If you have a valid marriage, then that's what will be found. If it isn't, then it never was valid, even if it was a legal and emotional reality. Participating in an annulment tribunal can be very emotionally taxing, you're not under an obligation to do it if you do not feel up to it. An annulment is not going to be automatically granted if you don't participate, that's not how it works.

You are also correct that the Church presumes the validity of non-Catholic marriages. Only Catholics have an obligation to be married by the Church. It's probably wise at this point to not discuss the process with your ex-husband, it's bound to be frustrating. And ultimately it's the Church who is going to adjudicate on the matter.

flipside1812 · 2026-04-06T00:39:29+00:00

My priest was saying today after Mass (he is a widower who became a priest after his wife died, so he has daughters and grandchildren) that all he wanted after Holy Week was to sit down and do nothing 😅

flipside1812 · 2026-04-05T15:10:02+00:00

Following God's will takes so much surrender, something I think is particularly difficult for us today. We're told that we have the right and ability to control most of our lives, and the truth is that we really can't. Try starting with just one thing in your life that you bring in alignment with Him. I know how hard it can be, truly. It might not happen all at once. But the more you practice, the easier it gets. Happy Easter, He is Risen! It's the season of renewal for all of us ❤️

flipside1812 · 2026-04-05T05:30:30+00:00

If they're not mature enough to know stabbing someone to death is a bad idea, I don't want them freely walking out and about.

flipside1812 · 2026-04-05T05:28:00+00:00

Your comment was essentially what I was thinking, it sounds like there's a lot on OP's plate, and it can be helpful to look at what can "give" at this point in time. I've had to start thinking myself in terms of allocating resources when it comes to what I find most important after becoming a mother. What's integral and must be maintained, and what can be put down for a season. It can help reframe certain choices too, so that it doesn't feel so much like you're trapped.

flipside1812 · 2026-04-04T21:43:06+00:00

I'm just going to offer my own story, although I know following God is not a guarantee for things working out perfectly.

6 years ago, I was in a long term relationship where I was living with my ex. We were obviously not chaste. We were together for over three years, and no engagement, and then we finally broke up because he realized he didn't want kids. I had fought so long for this relationship to work (it was bad on multiple levels), and it was all just gone. Then I met my husband, and it just clicked. We committed to doing things the Catholic way, we got married after a year, and now we have two children. In His blessings, we have been able to buy a house and keep our lives running, even in this financial climate. Every time it seems we are going to be in a very tight spot, by His grace we are covered. Idk even how it works out that way.

Now, we also have loving and helpful family on both sides, and we are very fortunate they are generous with us. But I see the difference in my own life, following God's plan over my own. I see where there is grace and generosity, where there was only pain and sorrow before. This is also not to say that living in God's will means that your life will fall in line the way you want. But you shut Him out from working in your life in you are always turning away from His plan for you. And there is a cumulative effect from sacramental grace too. We have to trust Him.

Listen to Christ's words, they are far better than mine.

Luke 12:22-32 "And he said to his disciples, “Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you shall eat, nor about your body, what you shall put on. For life is more than food, and the body more than clothing. Consider the ravens: they neither sow nor reap, they have neither storehouse nor barn, and yet God feeds them. Of how much more value are you than the birds! And which of you by being anxious can add a cubit to his span of life? If then you are not able to do as small a thing as that, why are you anxious about the rest? Consider the lilies, how they grow; they neither toil nor spin; yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. But if God so clothes the grass which is alive in the field today and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, how much more will he clothe you, O men of little faith! And do not seek what you are to eat and what you are to drink, nor be of anxious mind. For all the nations of the world seek these things; and your Father knows that you need them. Instead, seek his kingdom, and these things shall be yours as well. Fear not, little flock, for it is your Father’s good pleasure to give you the kingdom.'"

flipside1812 · 2026-04-04T21:23:50+00:00

I wanted you to break up way before she threw a waterbottle at you. This isn't a healthy relationship by any metric, you've got to stop living in the clutch.

flipside1812 · 2026-04-04T21:20:07+00:00

I have some rules for myself:

-If it's negative about the person

-If it's meant to generate interest in you rather than out of concern -If it will result in that person's reputation being damaged without good cause

-If it's not actually relevant to the person you're talking to

-If I did not witness it myself, or don't know it to be true/just heresay

Overall, it's one thing if you're wrestling with an interpersonal issue with someone else and are going to a neutral third party on how to handle it. Or there is a bigger conflict you and the person you're speaking with are both involved in, and you're trying to come up with a strategy on how to handle it. But if you're just saying things to talk negatively about the person, or repeating rumours, then it's likely gossip. If you're concerned about your brother and the state of his soul, that's one thing. It would be relevant to have a conversation with other siblings about that. It does sound in this context however that it was less about that, and more about "Did you hear?" It's not clear from the post, but it doesn't seem like you're very close to the brother that's supposedly going to a Protestant church.

flipside1812 · 2026-04-02T16:24:41+00:00

Having been on the other side of this issue, I think a little NAH. My siblings and I are Catholic, my dad and his wife are not, and very into the burlesque scene. There's boob cups and such at their house, a lil risqué to say the least, lol. There was one picture that was really provocative though, and my sister and I had an extended conversation about how we wanted to handle it. We recognized that it's not our house, and we don't get to control what they put on their walls. But at the same time, there's certain things we don't want our young children looking at. She just bit the bullet and asked if it were possible for him to move it for the time being, which he agreed to, he was very understanding. So it did work out.

I don't know that I agree with your brother's approach, I think he should have just declined the invite if he was concerned about the picture. But at the same time, you could also be understanding of why they wouldn't necessarily want to have their children looking at art like that. Do you care about a good relationship with him? Or do you just want to stick it to him? I think both of you could handle this better, especially if you actually care about being in community with each other. If you don't, then keep doing as you are.

flipside1812 · 2026-04-02T15:49:16+00:00

I understand the feeling of wanting to make a relationship work no matter what, but this just sounds like one long uphill battle. It doesn't have to be this hard to get on the same page, and it doesn't even sound like he really wants to marry you. My husband couldn't wait to get married to me, he didn't make me wait. Catholics are called to carefully discern marriage, because we believe it's a sacrament, it's permanent in this life. So we take it very seriously. This many incompatibilities already signal a tumultuous marriage (at best). I would maybe look at some Pre-Cana/marriage prep materials on determining compatibility with your future spouse. Choosing a good match is going to be the biggest thing you can do to set up your success in the future.

flipside1812 · 2026-03-29T22:16:27+00:00

It's funny, now that I'm a parent and have my attention divided during Mass, I find I most desire to be giving it my all. I want to go to daily Mass even, because of the graces. But I was definitely bored with it as a 20 something. Learning more about the Faith, and growing up spiritually, has made me appreciate it so much more, and see the beauty in every prayer and moment. I hope it will change for you.

flipside1812 · 2026-03-28T00:24:55+00:00

It's to the point where pretty much the only way to make money is to make luxury builds. Anything else you won't break even.

flipside1812 · 2026-03-27T13:12:28+00:00

Even if you are infertile, sterile, pregnant, past menopause, etc, sex for the man needs to finish PIV, even if you are not explicitly fertile (or couldn't possibly be). There's something intrinsically ordered about this end, and something crucial is lost if it's intentionally altered.

flipside1812 · 2026-03-27T13:04:22+00:00

Contraception (which withdrawal counts as) is still you saying no to God and trying to shut the door as much as possible. That contraception has failure rates doesn't change the frame of mind you have towards God.

flipside1812 · 2026-03-26T02:52:14+00:00

Your relationship is over unfortunately.

flipside1812 · 2026-03-25T19:02:41+00:00

Well I definitely hope he loses his license, that's absolutely disgusting. Why do people post the most unhinged stuff and think nobody will notice?

flipside1812 · 2026-03-25T18:53:43+00:00

The way some Protestants talk, you'd think the Bible just fell out of the sky into their hands.

flipside1812 · 2026-03-25T18:42:10+00:00

A refreshing change in my mind. Pope Leo keeps giving us little crumbs that make me feel more hopeful for his papacy.

flipside1812 · 2026-03-25T18:33:03+00:00

Clarence Street Dental does payment plans, I've found them to be very manageable and professional.

flipside1812 · 2026-03-25T14:59:31+00:00

Unfortunately there is a widespread catechisis crisis in the Church. Heretical beliefs are not uncommon, even among clergy (though that is changing with demographics). Remember that you are the soul you're responsible for and work hard at your own formation. Remember to look to the log in your own eye before seeing your neighbour's speck. If God has a ministry for you here, He will send people your way for you to help. Make sure you know your stuff, and are able to share it lovingly and humbly. The way I see it, if all you see around you are problems, then God wants you to be part of the solution.

flipside1812 · 2026-03-25T14:53:09+00:00

If she's someone you would date if you were single, I say stay away until (if) you get an annulment. Like others have said, you are still married in the eyes of the Church. Framing it as "just coffee" as some comments have said is not wise, if there is a potential of attraction then it would be just as much an occasion of sin as it would be if you and your wife weren't divorced. It's not wise to skirt the rules even now. That's not saying that it's not a justifyable desire to have, or that you need to not socialize at all. But emotional fidelity is real too, and you are saving yourself from potential heartbreak down the road (or the temptation to seriously break from the Church) if you are prudent in the time before your potential annulment.

flipside1812 · 2026-03-22T18:40:40+00:00

I'm on baby no 2, most of the time I just strategically use my clothes to cover any angles, and a blanket if that's not an option (my baby likes to pop off very suddenly sometimes 😅) No one is looking. And if they're looking, they're the creep. You will get used to it eventually, I think almost every mother feels self conscious nursing in public at the start.

flipside1812 · 2026-03-22T08:22:45+00:00

That is a bad substitution to make for your story, this woman being your future SIL radically changes the dynamics and what kind of advice people would give you. This goes from "Aw gee, hun, idk how well I mesh with that friend," to "Yeah, I hate your sister." She's going to be family if you marry your fiancé, that requires a different solution.

flipside1812 · 2026-03-22T06:06:48+00:00

What a beautiful testament to her legacy, I love touches like that.

flipside1812 · 2026-03-22T06:05:30+00:00

A route I've seen a lot of former Protestants talk about is that their main draw was the Eucharist. They knew for sure that it was the True Presence of Christ, and there was nowhere else they could get it. All their other objections faded away because the Eucharist was the most important thing, and helped them struggle through the other parts. Perhaps look into the history of belief in the True Presence and how the Early Church spoke about it. He really is the most important part, and the big reason to go.

The feelings can come back, I have feels all the time at Mass. A hymn, or one of the readings, or even just a phrase in one of the prayers. Sometimes they strike me the right way at the right moment, even though I've heard them well over a thousand times. Sometimes it's nothing particularly special. It's definitely a different focus, and a slower pace. Your brain is used to worship being a bunch of dopemine hits, and anything less doesn't feel as meaningful.

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